Tales from the Testosterone Zone

Movin' On Up

2007-08-31T15:29:00.000-04:00

Tales From The Testosterone Zone has moved to a new home. Please change your bookmarks and bloglinks to come visit us at Wordpress.

http://testosteronezone.wordpress.com/

Bye, Blogger. It's been fun.

Because I Said So

2007-08-30T10:19:00.000-04:00

One of the August Moms sent the group a link to an eBay auction of Pokemon cards. The seller is a mother of six children. One of the little darlings sneaked a pack of Pokemon cards in her grocery cart, and the mom only found out later on. She was so furious that she sold the cards on eBay. Click here to view the auction.

Somewhere in The Suburbs found a link to this woman's blog, "Because I Said So." The author, Dawn Meehan, has been blogging since June 2007, and she already has some 77,000 hits to her blog because of that eBay auction. I'm a little jealous, but I'll get over it.

You MUST read her resignation letter. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. I only wish I could write like that. Then again, I don't want the "six pack of motivation" she has. Ugh, my three wolves are enough.

Go ahead! Have a laugh.

Smog Angeles (Part 4 of 4)

2007-08-29T01:10:00.000-04:00

Back to our regular programming . . .

After the Jeopardy! taping, we resumed our breakneck tour of Los Angeles. The next free morning took us back to the Hollywood Bowl for another free dress rehearsal. This morning we heard Michael Tilson Thomas conduct the L.A. Philharmonic and the L.A. Master Chorale in Beethoven's 9th Symphony, "Ode to Joy". They were outstanding. MTT elicited so many nuances from the orchestra, it was like hearing the piece for the first time. The Chorale was phenomenal. Their voices were a wall of jubilant sound bursting forth to the very top of the Bowl. I have sung the Ninth before, so it was a thrill to hear it performed so well.

With the sounds of joy ringing in our ears, we drove off the mountain and down to Pink's Hot Dogs for lunch. This is the Hollywood hot dog institution that's been at the corner of La Brea and Melrose for 39 years. At lunch on a hot day in the middle of the week, the line was nearly 20 people long. We all had a good time choosing and creating our perfect dogs, but Wild Thing enjoyed his the most.

Thus fortified, we went in search of that sulfurous, odiferous place known as the La Brea Tar Pits (George C. Page Museum). The boys loved it! I thought it was pretty interesting, too. The lake pits have regularly belched methane and asphalt for some 30,000 years. It is at once bizarre and captivating. The boys particularly enjoyed the woolly mammoths -- statues outside and reproductions inside -- and a sabre-tooth tiger skeleton and hologram.

When we were finished being The Flintstones, we drove back into the 21st century Farmer's Market, complete with valet parking. We found fresh limeade and lychees there and not much else; however, it was a good place to buy cheap souvenirs. We finished the day at a noodle shop in West L.A., Asahi Ramen ("noodle nirvana"), on Sawtelle. That street is a mecca for fabulous Asian food.

The following day was our last in Smog Angeles. We began with breakfast at another L.A. institution, Langer's, a real Jewish delicatessen. The boys did not understand their father's fascination with this place. WineGuy saw it to be a throwback to the classic 1960s deli experience, complete with knishes, corned beef hash, and egg creams. The boys viewed it as some diner in a seedy part of town, where there were no Jews to be found. [Sometimes I think WineGuy's mindset is still set somewhere between "Leave It To Beaver" and "Sargent Pepper".] The food was fair. The experience? Wistful. But, it was relatively close to Watts, Hebrew Union College, and the California Science Center. The latter was our destination. It, too, was disappointing. Those exhibits which worked were weak. It was jam-packed with hundreds of screaming kids, and we were not amused. Wild Thing and Moose most enjoyed BodyWorks, featuring "Tess," the 50-foot woman (a body simulator). Wizard had a blast riding the High Wire Bicycle.
That's the end of our Adventures in Smog Angeles. We did not see any movie or TV stars there other than Alex Trebek. We flew back to Miami, drove home, did many loads of laundry and packed for our next trip, Chicago.

Broadcast Interruption

2007-08-28T11:40:00.000-04:00

We interrupt your regularly scheduled "Smog Angeles" programming for this important announcement: I am on the horns of a dilemma.

The next days of our L.A. trip were devoted to my Jeopardy! appearance. I want to describe the experience in detail, but I am contractually prohibited from divulging the results until the air date, OCTOBER 17, 2007. Check your local TV listings for the time; even if you don't know me personally, you'll easily figure out who I am.

I have already written the final installment of our trip to LaLaLand. I'll post it tomorrow.

Smog Angeles (Part 3 of 4)

2007-08-27T11:24:00.000-04:00

[Part 2 turned out to be very long, so I continue here.]

One true highlight of this trip was our visit to the Getty Museum. We've been trying to get there for 10 years, and WineGuy and I were ecstatic to have finally made it. The Getty was worth the wait. The Disney Hall paled in comparison to Richard Meier's travertine tour-de-force on the mountain. Wizard and I took an architecture tour, wherein they discussed how Meier lived on the site during the 15 years it took to build the museum, research center, and foundation buildings. Regardless of which gallery you're in, there is plenty of seemingly natural light, that moves with the day and changes the patron's viewing experience. The interplay of light and shadow on the walkways was artful.
Meier said that his task was to "manipulate forms in light, changes in scale and view, movement and stasis." He used the principles of Modernist architecture – simplified forms, materials and function that dictate the final result – to create volumes and surfaces and that mold the light. The setting is incomparable; the buildings are masterful. Nothing overwhelms the visitor except for the vistas, which are beautiful from every vantage point.

Oh, yes, they have art there, too. Good art, some outstanding pieces. Truly remarkable for such a young collection. It goes to show you that a huge endowment can create an amazing collection in no time. From the ancient Roman antiquities (some of which have recently been in the news), to the illuminated manuscripts, the period French furnishings, and the incredible Impressionist paintings, it is clear that the museum directors had carte blanche to pursue the ultimate collection. My little art student, Wild Thing, was particularly taken with Van Gogh's Irises. He loved the brushstrokes and movement in Van Gogh's paintings. We also enjoyed seeing some of Edward Weston's photographs. WineGuy and I had a great time discussing the visual and psychological ambiguities of Edouard Manet's A Bar at the Folies-Bergère. which was a special exhibit this summer.
After spending hours looking at art, we took a break at one of the lower level cafes. It was wonderful sitting outside in the cool mountain breeze overlooking the magnificent gardens at the Getty. We meandered down through the Central Garden, just blazing with summer's floral glory. There is a series of water features whose sounds change depending where you stand near them. There were lots of butterflies and bees enjoying nature's bounty that day, too. We found a secluded sculpture garden just off the Central Garden. It offered "smogly" beautiful views of the City of Angels. We even hiked down to the South Promontory to see the cactus garden. Wizard took this photo of me and WineGuy in the Central Garden.
We ended our Getty excursion in the museum store, where I purchased a box of notecards featuring pictures of the building. WineGuy got a rock. Yes, a rock, like Charlie Brown found in his Halloween sack. No, I'm not kidding: WG purchased a small block of the ubiquitous travertine, etched with the museum's logo.

Guess what? Our day was far from over. WineGuy believes in milking every last experience out of every trip -- despite exhausted and whining ~~spouse~~ children, so we took a little driving tour. We saw some famous theaters -- Pantages, El Capitan, and the newly restored Egyptian; the Capitol Records building and the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I found Bonnie Raitt's star there, but not my own. ;-)We wended our way up Mulholland Drive. The views from up there were spectacular, BUT the road is one tight switchback after another and requires 110% concentration to drive. You have to intensely crave privacy to live up there.

Finally, the touring ended. We drove back downtown to have dinner at a Los Angeles institution, Philippe (pronounced "FILL-ih-pee") the Original. Philippe is "French dip heaven". Yea and verily it was. I've never had a better French dip sandwich anywhere. In fact, the leg of lamb version was even better than the beef. By the end of dinner, we were stuffed and exhausted. I needed to shower and get some sleep because the Jeopardy! taping was scheduled for the next two days.

Smog Angeles (Part 2 of 4)

2007-08-24T18:27:00.000-04:00

The weekend arrived, and that meant dim sum, a traditional Chinese breakfast of dumplings. We took Paige's advice, albeit after the fact, and drove downtown to Empress Pavilion in Chinatown. Arriving early was the key to a good table and no crowds. This was strategic because we planned to take the 12:00 p.m. guided tour of the new Walt Disney Concert Hall downtown.

Filled with shiu mei and shrimp dumplings, we navigated our way across downtown Los Angeles. We found a parking spot on the street behind the concert hall and hiked up to the main entrance. WineGuy took Wild Thing and Moose inside to procure the tickets while Wizard and I loitered outside (and across the street) to take multiple photos of Frank Gehry's colossal "bloom". It is rumored that, from above, the Walt Disney Concert Hall looks like a blooming rose, an homage to patroness, Lillian Disney's, love of roses.
It took 16 years and $274 million to create this marvel of steel and wood. The exterior panels are made of bright- and satin-finished stainless steel panels. This photo shows Wizard in front of these panels.
There are lush public gardens on several levels around the building. One garden features a rose sculpture covered in a mosaic of broken Delft tiles. The building's interior is even more curious as there are no right angles anywhere to be found. The architect used Douglas fir paneling throughout the public and performance spaces. As a result, the entire interior feels organic, almost living. Unfortunately, we were unable to view the performance space live as there was a closed rehearsal inside at that time. However, we did watch a video of the auditorium and saw up-close images of the amazing 6134-pipe organ, the "forest of pipes," which Gehry and Manuel Rosales designed for the hall. Although there is a terrific gift shop at the Walt Disney Concert Hall, we left without making a purchase because three children (who shall remain nameless) could not make a decision!

We decided to explore a little more of downtown L.A. before heading on to our next destination. WineGuy navigated us through the Jewelry District, with over 3,000 wholesalers spread across several city blocks -- it's larger than New York's 47th Street; the Flower District, complete with wholesale markets exploding with color and fragrance; the Toy District, which is clearly the central market for all those crummy, little, toxic toys made in China. Afterwards, we drove back out to Belair to the Skirball Cultural Center.

The Skirball Center is Reform Judaism's concept of a musuem cum concert space cum exhibition hall: a facility trying to be all things Jewish all at once, kind of like the Reform movement. To me it was an annoying and confusing melange of a public space. Their permanent exhibit, Visions and Values: Jewish Life from Antiquity to America, is a broad representation of Jewish artifacts from the Old World to the New. For a small exhibit, it was nicely curated but poorly organized. The most fascinating displays were about Jews in China (Kaifeng and Shanghai). WineGuy particularly liked the museum store there; it was a giant Judaica shop, the likes of which we haven't seen in a long time.

After a Jewish outing, what should good Jews do? Eat, of course! Eat what? Chinese food, of course! Actually, we decided on a wonderful Japanese noodle shop in Beverly Hills . . . close enough. But first, we had to show the boys Rodeo Drive. The jaded little varmints I'm raising were totally unimpressed. Some comments worth repeating:

Why is it called Roh-DAY-oh Drive when it's spelled ROH-dee-oh? I have no clue.
What's so special about all the fancy cars? Jamie's dad drives a Bentley Continental, and his mom drives a Range Rover. Donald's dad drive a convertible Jaguar, and Billy's mom drives a Maserati. Ho hum.
What's the big deal with Gucci and Prada and Hermes? We have the same stores at [the local fancy shopping center]. Did I mention they were jaded?

And so the comments went about everything in Beverly Hills, from the shops to the houses: we have the same thing at home, and ours is bigger, fancier, and nicer. Jaded, I tell you! The best we could do at that point was feed them dinner at Mishima. This was a terrific little noodle shop featuring giant bowls of udon and soba soups. The tempura was great, too, but the biggest hit was Wild Thing's children's dinner. They served him noodles, rice, and a gelatin dessert in a monkey-shaped bento-like box: it had three sections, each stacked on top of the other, which formed a monkey's head when fully assembled. Here's a (downloaded) photo of the puppy box:How cute is that??

By now, you've figured out that our travels are mostly about food and museums. The following morning was no exception. We set out early on Sunday morning for breakfast at Kay 'n Dave's in Brentwood. On our way there, I passed a truck hauling a horse trailer and nearly crashed. There were CAMELS in the horse trailer, not horses! Only in L.A. As it turned out, the truck brought its exotic livestock to set up a weekly petting zoo in a parking lot across the street from Kay n' Dave's. Breakfast was mediocre, but the postprandial entertainment was a hoot: camels, llamas, a cockatoo that tried to steal my diamond ring, some baby goats, and miniature horses. The boys reluctantly left the animals while WineGuy couldn't get out of there fast enough. We headed further north to Bel Air and the Getty Museum.

Smog Angeles (Part 1 of 4)

2007-08-21T13:08:00.000-04:00

Here it is, the first installment of The Zone Goes To Los Angeles. Suffice it to say that my children's first impression of the City of Angels was the horrible air. They couldn't believe "Hollywood" was so polluted. However, they did love the beach, and I loved what little I saw of Malibu.
The drive at the beginning of our trip presaged all the driving I would do throughout the entire trip. We drove from our home to Miami (2 hours) to catch a direct flight to LAX. It was a good plan to fly non-stop to the West Coast. We arrived in L.A. early enough in the afternoon to get some things done. AAA was our first stop, and it was very close to our hotel. Moose and I picked up our packet of L.A. maps and information. He proudly announced to the AAA clerk – and everyone else we met in L.A. – that I would be appearing on Jeopardy! We zoomed down Sepulveda to our hotel, Radisson Los Angeles West Side. The studio contracted a great rate for contestants so it was hard to pass up, even though Wine Guy would have rather stayed somewhere more central. The west side location allowed us to explore West L.A., Marina del Rey, Venice, and Santa Monica.

Speaking of Venice, we managed to snag a reservation at Joe's for dinner that evening. Joe's gets top ratings in several categories from Zagat's (the little red dining guides that are foodie bibles): Most Popular and Top Food. We arrived at the beginning of dinner service and were seated in a lovely courtyard. Wine Guy and I each ordered the prix fixe dinner and some other small dishes for the boys. The waiter offered them things like plain pasta and grilled chicken, but my boys were having none of that! They wanted heirloom tomato salad, tuna tartare and the like. The service was attentive and fast, especially as the boys started to fade (and fuss) from exhaustion. All in all a good culinary start for the family that travels "by its stomach" so they say.

Day 2 dawned sunny and smoggy. We motored over to Susina Bakery for some coffee and pastries to fortify us for the morning's activity, the Hollywood Bowl. The baked goods were pretty good but frightfully expensive for what we got. Nevertheless, we headed up into the hills to catch a free dress rehearsal of the Los Angeles Philharmonic at the Hollywood Bowl. I was excited to go because I had seen the Bowl once before, briefly, when I was 15. We got great seats way down front and proceeded to read our L.A. Times and eat our goodies to the strains of violin soloist, Sarah Chang, playing a Brahms concerto. The boys weren't interested in sitting still so they took great pleasure in running to the very top of the 18,000-seat ampitheater! They ran up and down a few times and left us alone. It was bliss! After the rehearsal, Wine Guy navigated us through the old Jewish area, the Fairfax district, past Henson Productions and Kermit the Frog, and down to Little Ethiopia. We enjoyed an authentic Ethiopian lunch at Nyala, complete with that spongy, sourdough-y bread, injera. The food was interesting but fair.

By this point the boys were tired and whining and wanted to swim. We ran back to the hotel, changed into swimming stuff and drove out to Venice Beach. We managed to find a prime parking spot, although with a 1-hour meter. It was enough time to see the boardwalk spectacle there and dip our toes in the (cold!) Pacific Ocean. We drove back to the hotel for dry clothes and headed back up the beach to Santa Monica for dinner. We had a reservation at the Border Grill, the restaurant made famous by the "Two Hot Tamales," former Food Network stars, Mary Sue Milliken and Susan Feniger. I'll be frank: Border Grill is completely overrated. The Mexican food was neither creative nor authentic. It was barely better than Taco Bell. The service was indifferent and chaotic. The room was so dark that you needed a candle or flashlight to read the menu; and, it was deafeningly loud in there. Border Grill was a portent of things to come: an overrated restaurant of a celebrity chef relying on her reputation instead of her culinary skills. [See my comments about Rick Bayless in Chicago; link to follow.] On the way back to the hotel, we detoured through Marina del Rey to see the inlet and the fabulous boats.

The next day we escaped the smog of the city for Pacific Palisades. WineGuy got us tickets to see the newly refurbished Getty Villa. J. Paul Getty modeled his Malibu villa after the Villa dei Papiri (Papyrus House) excavated in Herculenium, near Pompeii. It is a 2-story museum dedicated to the study of Ancient Greek, Roman, and Etruscan art. The interior is cool and quiet despite the hot sun outside. There are lovely gardens: an inner Peristyle (courtyard), the East Garden with a beautiful blue mosaic fountain, and a magnificent Outer Peristyle with a reflecting pool. The Villa's antiquities included beautiful sculptures and urns and the most intricate mosaics all over the walls and floors. There is also an outdoor ampitheater that is generally used for staging ancient dramas, in which my "gladiators" struck their own poses!

We surprised ourselves at spending the entire day at the Villa; there was so much to do. The family took a guided tour of the museum's highlights. We had a lovely lunch at the museum's café. Later on, Wizard and I took an architecture tour while WineGuy took Wild Thing and Moose on the Children's Tour of the galleries. A great thing about these guided tours was the wi-fi audio system used by the tourguides and guests: the guide spoke in a normal voice, and there was no shoving to be at the front of the line to hear or see. Really smart! Walking around all that antiquity in all that heat really wore us out, so we drove back to the hotel and rested for a while. Dinner that night was at a Los Angeles institution: In-N-Out Burger. The little critics loved the milk shakes, liked the burgers, and hated the French Fries. For dessert, we found this little paletería, a Mexican popsicle and ice cream shop, called Mateo's (in the 4900 block of Sepulveda). Paletas are Mexican popsicles usually made out of fresh, tropical fruits like mango, mamey, maracuya (passionfruit), guava, ñance, etc. Mateo's featured mouth-watering sorbets made from these fruits; they were cool and refreshing after a hot day.

(Apologies for the date stamp on the photos. The photos are from my film camera; my digital camera was being repaired. I had the photo center burn a CD with my 35mm photos.)

Hang On

2007-08-19T22:16:00.001-04:00

The kids start school in two days. After I have coffee with all my friends on the first day of school, I'll come home and post details about our trips to Los Angeles and Chicago.

When we got home from Chi-town last week, I hoped to hit the ground running. Forget it. I landed in an alligator pond . . . as in "up to my a** in alligators". Moose had an infected ingrown toenail which necessitated a trip to the podiatrist, Foot. Foot took care of Moose's toe and lectured him (again) not to bite his toenails. Ewwww. Foot also trimmed one of my toenails that cracked in half when I ran into Wild Thing who stopped short to gawk at ~~nothing~~ something. Then I asked Foot to look at Wizard's gait. We noticed he was dragging his right foot badly while shlepping around Chicago. We thought it was an affectation, but it clearly is not.

Wizard has a new onset foot drop. He can walk on his toes but not on his heels. He apparently has tendinitis in his left achilles tendon as well. Foot was so concerned about Wizard that she consulted our family neurologist, Nerve. Nerve doesn't see kids, so we have to take Wizard to the pediatric neurologist this week. Every doc we've consulted has asked about headaches, of which Wizard has complained some. Now I'm imagining all sorts of horrible things, from stroke to brain tumor. Dear Lord, what next.

In good Customer Service news is a commendation for our local Sam's Club optical department. Before the appointment with Foot, I took Wizard to the eye doctor, who wrote a new glasses prescription. We ran to Sam's Club to order new glasses and begged the manager to get them in before school started. The manager did me one better: he got the new glasses in in two days!! Wizard had them in time for us to attend our friend's son's Bar Mitzvah this past weekend. Kudos to Pete, the optician.

My Kind Of Town

2007-08-07T21:48:00.000-04:00

Chicago is my kind of town. At least it will be for the next week. We arrived today to 90+F temperatures and high humidity. Feels just like home, except for the beautiful architecture and great food.

I know you are waiting for a detailed description of our trip to L.A. and my Jeopardy! appearance. I will post lots of details -- but no spoilers -- when we return on Aug. 14th.

Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Back from L.A. and Off to Chicago

2007-08-04T21:56:00.001-04:00

We got home very, very late two nights ago from Los Angeles. We unpacked and have been doing laundry in preparation for another trip to Chicago two days hence. I have lots to report from the Left Coast, but I cannot give Jeopardy details. I will describe what it was like to be on the set and to meet Alex Trebek. But not tonight because the washer calls.

L.A., Briefly

2007-07-27T21:55:00.000-04:00

We arrived in Los Angeles without incident two days ago. The flight was an hour late leaving Miami, but it made up the time in the air. The boys behaved very well on the 5-hour flight. They have been good for the most part here, but a little wild. Wizard sees his job as testing the limits of my and WineGuy's patience every chance he gets. We've done a little sightseeing and even got to Venice Beach. Boy, the Pacific Ocean is COLD! Not at all like the warm waters of the Gulf of Mexico near my house.

Jeopardy! news: I called the Jeopardy office yesterday. They told me that 13 people are scheduled to appear on Monday, July 30, 2007. The receptionist told me that there is a guy, who has already won three games, who will be the returning champion next week. Yikes!!! I also gave the Jeopardy office my guest list. Malibu Mom and her two daughters will be attending along with WineGuy, Wizard, and Wild Thing. Malibu Mom's nanny will watch Moose the two taping days. I am really grateful for her help; it 's the only way I could make all these arrangements work.

More later when I can. Keep those good thoughts and prayers coming!

AA Argh!

2007-07-24T11:31:00.000-04:00

A cautionary tale . . .

American Airlines nearly gave me a heart attack. I was sitting here gathering all my paperwork to pack for our trip to Los Angeles. I checked in and printed boarding passes for myself, Wizard, Wild Thing, and Moose. WineGuy had a separate record because we used travel credits left over from our aborted trip last Thanksgiving. I went to check WineGuy in and found that he does not have an electronic ticket. What?

I called American Airlines reservations and navigated my way through their hellish automated system. The agent told me WineGuy's ticket was not paid for and that they were waiting for the travel vouchers. My blood pressure vaulted as I informed the agent that the ticket was, in-fact, paid for, but again she demurred. I asked to be transferred to a supervisor. Smartvisor (c.f., Stupidvisor) picked up the call. Smartvisor, who works for American Airlines not AA.com, looked at the record locators and couldn't figure out what AA.com did to create and pay for the reservation. Smartvisor came back on the line twice to tell me she had the entire electronic trail: the original tickets; their cancellation; partial usage of the credit for some travel in the spring; and the remaining credit left after that. The AA.com agent -- Shirley, whose name I have in contemporaneously written notes (date, time) from the night I made my reservations -- tried to apply the travel vouchers electronically; there was a small overage, which I paid for by credit card. The problem is that American Airlines computer systems do not have that capability, and Shirley made a giant mistake. Shirley told me the ticket was paid for and that the travel vouchers were no longer valid.

NOT. American asked for the travel vouchers to be produced. I can't. I destroyed them the night I made my reservations because Shirley assured me the vouchers were no good. I explained all this to Smartvisor. WineGuy's ticket was never issued although the airline held his reservation and seat. AA.com or American Airlines was supposed to contact me to correct the problem, but they never did.

Finally, after more than 30 minutes on the phone, and being disconnected in the process, Smartvisor just called to say that she authorized the vouchers to be reissued at the airport and for the original fare to be honored. She then called the local ticket office to issue WineGuy's e-ticket and processed the small additional charge to my credit card. I just checked WineGuy in online and printed his boarding pass.

Caveat emptor: Whenever you get on the phone with a service person, get out your pen and paper. Take notes of everything that was said or promised. Make note of the time and date of the call, and get the first and last names (and employee number) of the person with whom you spoke. If you're using travel vouchers, do not destroy them until after the trip.

Today, I pack. Tomorrow we leave for L.A. for a week. I am the last luddite (no laptop), so I doubt I will post for the next week. The Jeopardy! taping is July 30-31. Wish me luck and say a prayer for me to win, win, win!

Finished!

2007-07-23T04:23:00.000-04:00

It's 4:15 a.m. in the The Zone. Not a creature is stirring but plenty are snoring. I have just finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. No spoilers or discussion other than to say that the book's ending had far more Christian overtones than I would have expected. And, J.K. Rowling has clearly left herself room to expand upon this series if she so chooses.

'Nuff said.

It's 12:01 Somewhere

2007-07-21T00:33:00.000-04:00

It's half past midnight here in The Zone, and I've just returned home with my very own copy of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows. There are no spoilers here. This is a tale of acquisition.

I decided not to pre-order HP7. Why? Because I've done so for the past two installments and have waited endlessly in line at the bookstore. And, because Are We There Yet shrewdly instructed me to go to my local WalMart at midnight to acquire the book as effortlessly as she did for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Brilliant strategy: simple, efficient. I should have been home by 12:10 a.m.

I left the house here at 11:40 p.m. and drove 5 minutes up the road to the closest WalMart. I parked right in front and walked right to the book section. There were a few friendly people waiting there, some of whom who'd been sitting there for hours.

The clock struck midnight, then 12:01, but no books appeared in the book section. We all looked at each other like, "WTF? Where are the books?" Then one smug bastard in a backwards baseball cap sauntered by and said, "Dudes, the books are all in the electronics section in the back of the store." Four people stampeded and the rest of us race-walked to the electronics department to find 15 people already in line. There were 5 people behind the counter, and one cash register open. ONE CASH REGISTER! There are 15 cash registers in the front of the store, but the only one at which you could acquire and purchase HP7 was in the absolute rear of the store. To add insult to injury, two of the people standing behind the counter weren't even WalMart employees; they worked for the book distributor, which I suspect is Source Interlink because they're based in the area. So, there we were in line. The girls in front of me were pissed because they had been in the store for several hours, waiting by the book section because the functional illiterates in Customer No-Service told them that's where the books would be. I was pissed because I expected the store to make an announcement directing customers to the right place. Really, I was more angry with myself because I should have realized that the ~~INS rejects~~ employees were too lazy to cart the books to the front of the store. I had contemplated wandering to the stockroom door but decided against it to stay near the books. [Note to self: always trust your first instincts.] As the line in front of me grew shorter, I became more vocal, insulting José (his real name) for not announcing where the books were and for being unintelligible over the intercom when he finally did. I finally bought my book and received some free bookmarks and four free "house bracelets" as a bonus. (The book rep. was clearly trying to appease me.)

I close with an open letter to the management of the WalMart SuperCenter (store 5391) in North Naples.

To José: you can't help going through life being short, round, and bald. Being arrogant on top of it all just doesn't work. You're a WalMart manager, forchrissakes. Remember that your customer always comes first.
To Robert Talbot, manager of the store: you need to hire people who speak English fluently. It is unacceptable for your telephone operators, cashiers, and stock people not to be able to understand and communicate with your customers. Even if your employees have difficulty communicating in English, they should at least be courteous enough to smile when they do their jobs instead of lazily shrugging their shoulders or mouthing off when asked for help.
To the Book Manager of this store: you should have put signs up directing customers to the right area. You, yourself, should have been in the store at midnight making a clear announcement, in English and Spanish, welcoming the book buyers and inviting them to the electronics department.

[stepping off the soapbox] I'm headed for the couch and my new book. Good night!

Ticket To Ride

2007-07-19T14:14:00.000-04:00

No, not The Beatles song . . . it' s a board game and an online community. We love board games, but the boys continually abuse them and lose pieces. Todd received Ticket To Ride for Chanukah last winter, and we have really enjoyed playing it. The game board has a map of the USA and lower Canada and train routes connecting the various cities. Players use destination tickets and colored wagon cards to claim routes and connect cities to each other. Days of Wonder makes TTR and a host of other fascinating games.
Ticket To Ride has several different editions. Another popular board is Europe, and there is a USA 1910 expansion pack. We have our eyes on both. Included in the game's instructions, which Todd promptly lost, is a web code you can use to log into the Ticket To Ride online community and start your own games. You can play TTR without a web code, but you are treated as a guest player who must join someone else's game. Both Todd and I have created screen-names to play: I am Alto2, of course, and he is Laxstar ("lacrosse star" haha).

I highly recommend both the TTR board and online games. I've played against some interesting and fun people. Just this afternoon, I played online against Astrid from Holland. She was very chatty while she beat the pants off me! I had fun and learned some more strategy.

Summer 2007 Books

2007-07-17T08:58:00.000-04:00

In spite of, or perhaps because of, all this studying, I have been reading a lot this summer. Last night, my book club met to discuss Marisa de los Santos's Love Walked In. We were looking for a light, summer read that had some substance. This debut novel fit the bill. Cornelia Brown, an educated woman in her late twenties, has given up her academic career to work in a coffee shop in Philadelphia's tony Rittenhouse Square. In walks Martin Grace, a suave businessman, and Cornelia's life changes forever. Cornelia imagines -- and creates -- her life right out of old movies, "The Philadelphia Story", to be specific. Martin is Cary Grant to Cornelia's Katherine Hepburn. Martin, however, has a skeleton in his closet, his 11 year-old daughter, Clare. Clare's mother suffers a psychotic break, and Clare is forced upon her father. When Martin walks Clare into Cornelia's life, Cornelia's movie bubble bursts: Martin is not the man she expected him to be; Cornelia finds herself inexorably drawn to parenting Clare. And, in the midst of everything, Cornelia's brother-in-law, Teo, shows up to enervate and complicate things more.

Marisa de los Santos is an award-winning poet. I am not sure she has successfully morphed her wordcraft from poetry to prose. The novel alternates between Cornelia's narrative in the first-person and Clare's in the third person. This scheme confuses the reader for easily the first 25% of the book. Additionally, the author made each character a shade beyond believable: Cornelia is just a little too petite and perfect. Clare is just a little too mature and wise. Martin is too debonair and charming. Teo is too handsome and dedicated. The author's characters are charicatures of themselves. Nevertheless, Love Walked In is a good book for summer reading. It is heartwarming, well-crafted, and literate.

The book I just finished is another debut novel, The Friday Night Knitting Club, by Kate Jacobs. While FNKC has received less acclaim than LWI, I liked it better. FNKC is the story of single mother, Georgia Walker, the proprietress of Walker and Daughter, a Manhattan yarn shop. Georgia and her pre-teen daughter, Dakota, live above the shop. Thanks to some recent publicity, business is good. Then, Dakota's father, James, comes back into their lives and wants to get involved as he never had before. Georgia's old high-school friend, Cat (a trim, toned socialite), shows up and commissions Georgia to knit a couture gown for her. Cat seemingly wants to re-establish the tie she, herself, broke as the girls were heading off to college. Finally, Georgia is drawn into the lives of those knitters who regularly participate in the weekly knitting club. Fellow knitters become Georgia's true friends as the true crisis of the novel unfolds.

The Friday Night Knitting Club is really about friendship and love with a little knitting thrown in. Kate Jacobs created very "real" characters, not charicatures. The single mother is not just the put-upon woman who found herself pregnant: she is a former careerwoman whose hardworking farm background prepared her to meet the challenges of working and raising a child alone in the city. The widow, Anita, is not just another Jewish mother; she is a vibrant crafter who can tolerate her children and grandchildren for only so long. Darwin, the young Ph.D. candidate, is not the characteristically excellent Asian-American student; she can't commit to a thesis topic, and she is easily distracted by everything. The author created pithy, complex characters who propel the story forward to the last sentence. FNKC does not have a happy ending like LWI, but it is a much more fulfilling read.

I'll finish with a little Hollywood:

Sarah Jessica Parker will star in the movie version of Love Walked In. The Hollywood trades report that SJP will co-produce the movie with Paramount.
Julia Roberts will star in the movie version of The Friday Night Knitting Club. Roberts, a an avid knitter, will co-produce the film with Universal; it is scheduled for release in 2009.

The next book for book club is The World to Come, by Dara Horn. My friend, Violin, suggested it, although it has been on my to-read list for about a year. Come to think of it, I should suggest it for the synagogue's reading group; then I could satisfy two book clubs with one book.

Did I mention that Brilliant Deb, a mom from Moose's Pre-K class, asked me to participate in the book club she wants to start? I am anxious to join that group because Brilliant Deb teaches English at the private school's high school. Brilliant Deb got her name for good reason: she has masters' degrees in English and American Literature from the University of Pennsylvania and a master's in English Language and Literature from Oxford University. I would gladly discuss books with her anytime!

Rule, Brittania

2007-07-14T22:14:00.000-04:00

I've been brushing up on my Shakespeare [nod to Cole Porter], as it were. I've been trying to write very short synopses of all the plays and got through the comedies, the tragedies and a few of the histories before I burned out. I just listed the rest of the histories and the late romances on separate index cards.

In piecing together The Bard's Henries and Richards, I realized I needed to get a handle on the British monarchy. So, I made index cards for each royal house and listed the members. It was a fascinating exercise that made me wish I had taken European History instead of Comparative Governments in college. Oh well. At any rate, my research led me to this mnemonic verse of monarchs in England:

Willie, Willie, Harry, Stee,
Harry, Dick, John, Harry three;
One, two, three Neds; Richard two;
Harrys four, five, six . . . then who?
Edwards four, five; Dick, the bad;
Harrys twain, Ned six (the lad);
Mary, Bessie, James you ken;
Then Charlie, Charlie, James (again);
William and Mary, Anna Gloria;
Georges four, Will four, Victoria;
Edward seven, next and then
Came George the fifth in 1910;
Ned the eighth soon abdicated,
Then George the sixth was coronated;
After which, Elizabeth.
And that's all folks until her death.

Pretty cute, huh? FYI: Willie=William; Harry=Henry; Stee=Stephen; Ned=Edward; Dick=Richard; Bessie=Elizabeth; Charlie=Charles; Anna Gloria=Anne. If the Prince of Wales ever accedes to the throne, he'll be Charles III. When Prince William takes the throne, he'll be William V. If, by chance, Prince Harry becomes king, he will be Henry IX. I could even tell you whom the verse omitted, but then I'd have to shoot myself for knowing entirely too much detail.

All hail Brittania!

Closest Book Meme

2007-07-14T11:57:00.000-04:00

I think I've done this one before, but I happen to have a book on my [clean!!!] desk right now.

The game: Grab the nearest book to you. Open the book to page 123. Find the fifth sentence. Post the text of the next 4 sentences on your blog along with these instructions. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

The book: How To Get On Jeopardy! . . . And Win! Valuable Information From A Champion, by Michael Dupée (1988, Carol Publishing Group, Secaucus, New Jersey) [out-of-print]

(From Chapter 8, "Learning the Facts: Cooking and Food")

Q. This yellow, pear-shaped fruit contains enzymes that break down meat.
A. Papaya
Q. Another name for a carambola, which describes its shape. A. Starfruit
Q. The Hawaiian solo variety of this fruit is best. A. Papaya

And Finally, An After-Dinner Coffee

What better finish to a meal than a steaming cup of coffee? If you said "potent potable," see the next chapter.

I have been reviewing the fact sections in this book to help me prepare for the Jeopardy taping in two weeks. The more I study, the more I forget. It is overwhelming.

7 Random Facts Meme

2007-07-13T08:46:00.000-04:00

Doc Thelma tagged me with this a couple of weeks ago. The random facts meme has been circulating privately as seven random facts amongst the August Moms, although Doc Thelma tagged me with eight.

The Rules: Players start with 7 random facts about themselves. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 7 random facts. Players should tag 7 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

I am the second person from my high school graduating class to appear on Jeopardy!
My oldest and dearest friends are, not one but two, sets of twins with whom I grew up in the DC area. Both sets of twins and their families now live near each other in Northern California.
Brussels sprouts are vile little things. So are lima beans.
I studied ballet for 10 years, 5 of which were in a (UK) Royal Academy of Dance program.
I am a serial "starter" of things but leave many projects undone.
When I was in labor with Wizard, I had a vision (premonition) of him before he was born: I saw his face rejuvenate from a teenage boy to baby.
I once met Justice Anthony Kennedy of the Supreme Court of the United States.

I tag these seven people to pass along this meme, whether in the blogosphere or via e-mail:
Dispatches From Maine
Life In The Bogs
Stunt Mother
Tales From the Parkside
X Facta
Radio Mom
Calvin

Murphy's Law Of The Home

2007-07-12T06:15:00.000-04:00

Whatever can go wrong in the home, will go wrong. And it will happen in the middle of the night, in the least convenient way possible.

Case No. 1: This morning, at approximately 5:25 a.m., a sharp, piercing beep jolted me out of a snoring slumber. It was the smoke detector in the foyer. You know, the foyer with the lovely cove ceiling that is 14+ feet up? That foyer. WineGuy, who was up at 5:00 showering (which woke me earlier), ambled upstairs to check the smoke detectors in the boys' rooms. Apparently, Moose's smoke detector chirped for a battery last night; WineGuy changed it, but the battery was bad. And Moose's room was a Superfund sight. And WineGuy couldn't find a flashlight. And several other problems, which are apparently my fault.

But, I digress. To get to the smoke detector in the foyer, one must utilize the 10' step ladder, which is in the garage, and another 9-volt battery, which is also in the garage. I, in my fetching cotton nightshirt, stumbled and grumbled into the 80º garage. I retrieved a battery from the Battery Cave (a/k/a the freezer) and gingerly extricated the step ladder from its nest amidst the bicycles, tennis rackets, and palmetto bugs. I wrestled the mythical beast through the front door, into the foyer, and into position. WineGuy spent another 5 minutes precisely angling the ladder so he could reach the smoke detector – at 6'4" he can reach it by standing on a lower rung than the top one, which I would have to do. WineGuy climbed the ladder and ~~broke~~ took apart the smoke detector. He asked for a screwdriver, and I dutifully fetched it. Woof. He spent 10 minutes in the stratosphere changing the battery and trying to screw the confounded alarm back into its very complicated holder. While dutifully holding the ladder, I used time to dream up creative uses for said screwdriver. WineGuy finally put the smoke detector back in place and climbed down. He graciously held the front door for me to haul the great step ladder back out to the garage. When I came back inside, WG gave me explicit instructions on how and why to fix Moose's smoke detector (sometime during daylight hours), because of course, I could not figure it out for myself. So – not – true.

"But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east . . ." and the sun rises o'er the swamp.
--From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Case No. 2: It was 1999 in the early spring, and I was still pregnant with Wild Thing. [must ... resist ... urge ... to post in iambic pentameter] WineGuy woke me from a happy slumber with the news that Wizard, then 2.5 years, had vomited in his bed. As if that weren't joyous enough, WineGuy then reported that when he went to put the soiled bedding in the washer, he found a lake in the laundry room. The washer hoses had burst, sending dozens of gallons of water across the 2d floor laundry and down two stories, through the office and back room and into the basement of That Old House (our 1856 Federal Revival home). WineGuy shut off the washer valves to stop the flood. We used every towel in the house to sop up a small fraction of the mess. Surveying the damage, I found the plaster ceiling sagging in the office and 3 solid cherry bookcases full of soaked books. Thankfully, our insurance agent sent in the water restoration team at first light. They dried out the house and saved a lot of square footage and stuff. In the end, we had to refinish the laundry room floors and walls, drywall the office ceiling, refinish the office and back room floors (finding a plumbing leak in the process), and repaint the office.

Now, it is 7:00 a.m. The children and I are wide awake, and Moose's room is still a mess.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

Clean and Dirty

2007-07-10T00:05:00.000-04:00

My desk is clean! I would take a picture to show you, but my digital camera is dead. You already knew that. I spent hours and hours and hours yesterday and today sorting through every blasted piece of paper piled on there. I filed some of it but trashed tons. Still need to clean the piles of children's artwork stacked up all around my office. I have half a mind to trash it all. There's a huge backlog of Mac magazines to go through ~~in my spare time~~ whenever. They'll have to wait until the Jeopardy trip is over.

My laundry needs some serious attention, but apparently less so than the boys' rooms. AGAIN! Damnitalltohell. I spent days and days in their rooms digging everything out and putting everything away, and they trashed them. Pulled all the towels out of the linen closet, messed up the bathroom, food and candy wrappers everywhere. Wild Thing tried to pull a nightlight out of a socket in his room and pulled the whole freakin' faceplate off the outlet. WTF?! I should have suspected the pigpen when WT lost one shoe (+ one expensive orthotic) for a couple of days. They all claimed to have looked for hours today, but no one could find it. They all lied through their teeth about how clean their rooms were. I'm so pissed off at them, especially Wizard. He is a manipulative, conniving, overgrown toddler.

I'm trying to get organized and study and be prepared for the biggest opportunity of my life, and my husband is bitching that I need to go upstairs and inspect the boys' rooms daily. Hello? I feed them, bathe them, wash their clothes, entertain them, and chauffeur them everywhere. I do not feel like policing the upstairs. That was always WineGuy's job: he would put them to bed each night and check on their rooms. He no longer puts them to bed – because he says they're old enough to go to sleep on their own – and he never climbs the stairs anymore. Too damn lazy, IMVHO.

Frazzled again.

Dead Cameras

2007-07-08T23:26:00.001-04:00

When I was in DC last month, I went to use my 2 year-old digital camera (Canon SD400 Digital Elph), and it was dead. The battery was fully charged, but it wouldn't work. I finally took it to Ritz Camera the other day, convinced it needed a new proprietary battery. The clerk, who happened to be the manager, was arrogantly sure that it was the camera and not the battery. He was right. Damn! He tried to sell me a new camera, but I wanted to check my warranty. I checked it and called the service company which is sending me a call-tag for repairs. The call-tag still hasn't shown up, and I'm required to use it to send the camera off to Pensacola for repairs. I'm worried I won't have a camera to take to Los Angeles.

So, I pulled out my old film camera, which I use occasionally. It's a 35mm Pentax point-and-shoot. It was dead, too. Damn, damn!! I took a look at the screen, and it apparently needs a battery. I'm headed to Radio Shack for a camera battery tomorrow. If that doesn't fix the film camera, I'm sunk.

In a way, I'd love to have a new digital camera that has more of a zoom than my little Elph. However, I just don' t have the time or mental energy to researching and learning a new camera. What to do, what to do? I'm open to suggestions.

Brain Freeze

2007-07-07T22:35:00.000-04:00

I've been studying like mad for Jeopardy. Today, I decided to study maps and geography, which are strong subjects for me. Wizard was quizzing me on world capitals, and I missed a lot of them. Which made me panic. Which drove me to the (all too detailed) world atlas, which in turn drove me back to the general maps in the almanac. So, I made flashcards ... lots and lots of flashcards.

At one point, I was studying the Canadian provinces and was looking at the newest one, Nunavut, which was split off from the Northwest Territories in the late 1990s. However, my almanac did not show the capital of Nunavut. So, I trotted over to the boys' computer and looked it up. For your information, the capital of Nunavut is Iqaluit, located on the east coast of Baffin Island, which is so unbelievably far north that I'm certain no one has ever been there except for three polar bears and an elephant seal. The town has a mayor, and she acknowledges that it's in the remote Arctic tundra. I'm not kidding! Look here.

If you are a regular Jeopardy watcher and have suggestions on categories that appear frequently, i.e. what to study, please leave me a comment.

Thanks for tuning in to the Trivia Channel, all drivel all the time.

Divination Quiz, Year 7

2007-07-05T12:06:00.002-04:00

Wizard is a huge Harry Potter fan. He's angling for me to (drive the 115 miles) to take him to the IMAX showing of "Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix" next week. I haven't decided, but I did show him Doc Thelma's and One Feather Tail's predictions on the Year 7 Divination Quiz. Here are his very educated responses.

Prediction /Possibility	True/ False
1. Hogwarts will be closed for the entire year.	False
2. Harry will enroll in Year 7 classes at Hogwarts.	False
3. Ron will enroll in Year 7 classes at Hogwarts.	False
4. Hermione will enroll in Year 7 classes at Hogwarts.	False
5. Harry will take N.E.W.T. exams.	False
6. Ron will take N.E.W.T. exams.	False
7. Hermione will take N.E.W.T. exams.	False
8. Harry will be Head Boy at Hogwarts.	False
9. Ron will be Head Boy at Hogwarts.	False
10. Hermione will be Head Girl at Hogwarts.	False
11. Harry will teach Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts.	False
12. The DADA teacher at Hogwarts will be ________________________. (fill in the blank)	Mad-Eye Moody
13. Harry's scar is a Horcrux.	False
14. Nagini is a Horcrux.	True
15. Slytherin's locket is a Horcrux.	True
16. Hufflepuff's cup is a Horcrux.	True
17. The locket that nobody could open at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place is a Horcrux.	False
18. Harry will keep his Horcrux quest secret from the Order of the Phoenix.	True
19. R.A.B. = Regulus A. Black.	True
20. R.A.B. has already destroyed the locket-Horcrux.	True
21. Voldemort already knows (by the end of Half-Blood Prince) that R.A.B. took the locket-Horcrux from the cave.	False
22. Voldemort already knows (by the end of Half-Blood Prince) that Harry is seeking his Horcruxes.	False
23. Albus Dumbledore is really dead.	True
24. On top of the "Lightening-Struck Tower," Dumbledore was asking Snape to kill him.	False
25. Dumbledore gave Snape the DADA position because he knew Snape would be leaving Hogwarts at the end of the school year.	False
26. Dumbledore will communicate with Harry through his portrait in the Headmaster's office.	True
27. Dumbledore will communicate with Harry through the Pensieve.	False
28. Harry will use the Sorcerer's Stone.	False
29. Harry will return to the Chamber of Secrets.	False
30. Harry will be a Prisoner of Azkaban (or at least go there).	False
31. Harry will use the Goblet of Fire.	False
32. Harry will join the Order of the Phoenix.	True
33. Harry will (intentionally) join forces with the Half-Blood Prince.	False
34. Harry will visit a place called the Deathly Hallows.	True
35. One of the Dursleys will learn to do magic.	False
36. Petunia will (intentionally) give Harry vital information before he leaves Privet Drive.	True
37. Ron and Hermione will be a couple.	True
38. Harry and Hermione will be a couple.	False
39. Harry and Ginny will get back together.	True
40. Ron and Hermione have already kissed "off-screen" by the end of Half-Blood Prince.	False
41. Sibyll Trelawney will make another real prophecy.	True
42. Rufus Scrimgeour will be Minister of Magic at the end of Deathly Hallows.	False
43. Harry will use the Mirror of Erised again.	False
44. Harry will use the sword of Godric Gryffindor again.	False
45. Harry will use the Sorting Hat.	False
46. Harry will use a Time-Turner.	False
47. Harry will use the two-way mirror that Sirius gave him.	False
48. Harry's knowledge of Muggle artifacts will save him from imminent danger.	True
49. Grawp will (intentionally) save Harry/Ron/Hermione from danger.	True
50. The Weasleys' - now wild - flying Ford Anglia will play a significant role in saving and/or transporting Harry/Ron/Hermione.	False
51. Aside from James, Lily, Harry, and Voldemort, there was at least one other person present at the Potters' house the night James and Lily died.	True
52. Bill Weasley will become a full werewolf.	False
53. How did James and Lily Potter acquire their small fortune? _________________________________ (fill in the blank)	They took it from Tom Marvolo Riddle's vault at Gringotts.
54. Snape is an Animagus.	False
55. We will learn more about the relationship between Lily and Snape.	True
56. A current member of the Order of the Phoenix will betray Harry.	True
57. The Death Eaters will attack Privet Drive.	True
58. The Death Eaters will attack The Burrow.	False
59. The Death Eaters will attack during Bill and Fleur's wedding.	False
60. The Death Eaters will attack Hogwarts.	False
61. The Death Eaters will attack Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes.	False
62. Draco will abandon the Death Eaters.	True
63. Peter Pettigrew, a/k/a Wormtail, will abandon the Death Eaters.	True
64. Snape will be openly allowed back into the Order of the Phoenix.	False
65. Snape is truly loyal to: (a) Dumbledore (b) Voldemort (c) Neither	B
66. Dumbledore trusts Snape because: (a) Snape made a heartfelt apology (b) Snape made an Unbreakable Vow (c) Snape passed crucial secret information to the Order about Voldemort/Death Eaters (d) Dumbledore had no hard evidence, he just wanted to give Snape the benefit of the doubt (e) None of these, but we'll find out in Deathly Hallows (f) We'll never know	A
67. Snape began working as a double agent for the Order: (a) Before the prophecy was made (b) After the prophecy was made, but before James and Lily died (c) The night James and Lily died (d) After James and Lily died	C
68. Harry will use, or attempt to use, an Unforgivable Curse.	True
69. Harry will use, or attempt to use, the Avada Kedavra Curse on Voldemort.	True
70. Someone other than Harry will actually finish-off Voldemort, even though Harry will have done most of the work. (i.e. Darth tosses the Emperor, Gollum falls in with the ring.)	True
71. The U.S. edition cover-art for Deathly Hallows, portrays the final showdown.	False
72. The U.S. edition cover-art for Deathly Hallows, portrays Harry and Voldemort reaching for a Horcrux.	True
73. Harry will destroy at least one Horcrux by sending it through the Veil.	False
74. The Deathly Hallows is: (a) at Hogwarts (b) in Godric's Hollow (c) a graveyard (d) beyond the Veil (e) another name for Horcruxes (f) none of these, but depicted on the US cover	C
75. The final showdown will be at: (a) the Deathly Hallows (b) Hogwarts (c) Azkaban (d) Veil/Ministry of Magic (e) Godric's Hollow (f) The Underground Lake/Gringotts (g) somewhere else	E
76. Harry will survive.	True
77. Ron will survive.	True
78. Hermione will survive.	True
79. Ginny will survive.	True
80. Neville will survive.	True
81. Luna will survive.	True
82. Hagrid will survive.	True
83. Lupin will survive.	True
84. Tonks will survive.	True
85. Molly and Arthur will survive.	True
86. Fred and George will survive.	True
87. Bill and Fleur will survive.	True
88. Percy will survive.	True
89. Voldemort will survive.	False
90. Snape will survive.	False
91. Peter Pettigrew will survive.	True
92. Bellatrix will survive.	False
93. Lucius Malfoy will survive.	False
94. Narcissa Malfoy will survive.	True
95. Draco Malfoy will survive.	True
96. Harry will become an Auror.	False
97. Harry will become a professor at Hogwarts.	False
98. Ron will become a professor at Hogwarts.	True
99. Hermione will become a professor at Hogwarts.	True
100. Neville will become a professor at Hogwarts.	True
101. The final word of Deathly Hallows will be "scar."	True

A Powerful Film

2007-07-03T23:52:00.001-04:00

Radio Mom and I went to see "A Mighty Heart" a couple of nights ago. We both were mildly interested in the film until I read that the screenwriter is married to one of my favorite bloggers, Tales From The Park Side. She announced 2 weeks ago that her husband's movie was opening, and I was excited to go see it.

The movie is based on Mariane Pearl's eponymously titled memoir about the "brave life and death" of her husband, Daniel Pearl. Curiously enough, the majority of the movie takes place in the Karachi apartment Mariane and Daniel Pearl shared with his Wall Street Journal colleague, Asra Nomani, but the film really spans the globe – geographically and emotionally. We all know how tragically the story ended. The movie shows us how the story developed, through Mariane's eyes.

One evening, Daniel Pearl left his pregnant wife to meet with an elusive source, further research a story on the shoe-bomber, Richard Reid. Pearl never came home. What follows is Mariane's courageous search for her husband. We see the fetid, teeming streets of Karachi, Pakistan contrasted with the cool, elegance of the apartment; the quiet joy of the Pearls' Buddhist-Jewish wedding ceremony flung against the horror of kidnapping and terrorism.

Through it all, Angelina Jolie, as Mariane Pearl, comes across as unflinchingly devoted wife, and a dogged journalist. I am no fan of Ms. Jolie. I personally think she's traded on her beauty to advance her acting career. However, she gave a stunning performance in "A Mighty Heart." Radio Mom and I agreed that she'll get an Oscar nomination for this film and she would likely win. [The one, picky thing that bothered me through the whole film was her poor French accent; she needed a better voice coach, like the one Meryl Streep uses.] I've been a fan of Dan Futterman's since he appeared on TV's "Judging Amy". Although his on-screen part was small, he played it with great conviction and integrity.

Grab your tissues and your good friend and go see "A Mighty Heart". Bravo to John Orloff, the screenwriter for this film. I predict he's going to be nominated for an Oscar, too.

Hardly Work

2007-07-02T09:06:00.000-04:00

Potential TV stardom is hard work. In addition to the approximately 1 hour each day I (should) spend studying, I need to have clothes for my Jeopardy appearance. The clothes that are already in my closet will not do. They are "old". I have seen them before . . . never mind that 99.9% of the world has not seen them before. I must have new clothes. Fabulous new clothes, not just a new t-shirt from WalMart.

Fabulous new clothes required a field trip to Miami, where there are real stores, i.e. different stores than we have have near The Zone. Miami is less than two hours from here and is my old stomping ground. When I was young, single, and fabulous, I lived in Miami for about 8 years. There are a couple of specialty stores in which I have shopped for nearly 20 years. (For those that haven't met me personally, I am a plus-size woman; the stores sell high-end plus-size clothing.) Now that I'm old, married, and decidedly not fabulous, I still shop in those stores because of their good service and reliable selection. So, off I went to Miami yesterday, sans husband and children, thank goodness. I won't bore you with the details of the trip other than to say I did find three beautiful knit pieces by Misook.

Here's a picture of a jacket I got on sale for half-price. The store didn't have the yellow shell, so I'll just wear a cream-colored one.I bought another jacket much like this one, except the contrast color on mine is plum. I also got a coordiating black shell with variegated plum trim to go underneath. These pieces were all half-price, thankfully, since they were really expensive to begin with.
I'll plan my "show wardrobe" largely on black pants and skirts with colorful tops. It will be easier and quicker to change that way. I'll check out the few stores closer to home to see what else I can add to my show clothes.

Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to be studying every day. An hour is clearly not enough – and some days I don't even get that – but, being home with three boys is not exactly conducive to a quiet study hall. I also need to complete another contestant questionnaire and fax it and the confidentiality agreement back to the contestant coordinators. I also have some more travel arrangements to make. Not sure how I'll get it all done unless I allow the boys to watch TV all day. Hmmm . . . I see a lot of "Spongebob" in their future this week.

Unfamiliar Books

2007-06-28T06:59:00.000-04:00

Dispatches From Maine tagged me a couple of weeks ago. He challenged me to recommend three of my books which are unfamiliar to most. This is particularly difficult because I read a lot of bestsellers and popular fiction. I had to hunt high and low for these suggestions.

What The Shadow Told Me, by Kurtis Davidson: This is a complex and engaging story about a story, its author and the small universe of characters that surround him. The concept was fresh, yet full of Borges-like twists and turns. Rufus Walter Eddison, America's greatest African-American writer, dies suddenly. His editor, Justina Patterson, is left scrambling to find the manuscript to his second novel before an unscrupulous senior editor at her publishing company can generate a fake to be passed off as the work of the dead genius. Justina has been brought up to revere the famed author, as has all of America and most of the world. The only problem is he wrote his great American novel in 1951 and for forty-eight years has failed to deliver the manuscript of the sequel as he was under contract to do. Eddison was so paranoid that his second novel wouldn't live up to the world's expectations that he never even wrote a grocery list after that. Or so it seemed. Justina has to find his book or face grim alternatives.

In the effort to locate the lost manuscript, Justina meets a wide assortment of hilarious characters, which are well-developed and unique in their voices. Among them is Biminim Strimpoonanamam, an Asian man with an unpronounceable name and nearly unintelligible English. Biminim translates novels from English to another foreign language to English for people who speak English as a second language. The result is outrageous translations of great literary works in Pidgin English.

Throughout the novel, the author succeeds in moving the satire effortlessly from the larger to the smaller picture, often with side-splitting one-liners, hilarious dialogue mixed with black humor- all effectively paced within an unbelievable plot. And it is precisely this humor and wittiness that is the novel's narrative engine, maintaining our interest until the last sentence.

Heat: An Amateur's Adventures as Kitchen Slave, Line Cook, Pasta-Maker, and Apprentice to a Dante-Quoting Butcher in Tuscany, by Bill Buford: Most of you know I love to cook, and I love to talk about food. Buford loves it more, so much so that the New Yorker editor took a year off to apprentice in Mario Batali's kitchen and then follow his culinary apprenticeship throughout Europe. Buford tells of his nearly-compulsive need to learn the true roots of Italian cooking and writes intensely detailed descriptions of pasta-making, butchering, animal husbandry, the origin and geography of authentic Italian ingredients and the lives and backgrounds of his Italian mentors. Because of his work at Babbo and his relationship with Mario Batali, Buford did his best to replicate much of Batali's early training in Italy, visiting the same places and working with the same mentors when possible. This is a must-read for foodies and Molto Mario fans alike. Some folks gripe that Buford's narrative pales in comparison to Anthony Bourdain's. I disagree: Buford writes non-fiction like it's fiction and produces a highly readable tome. Bourdain's style is gritty, crude, and base, just like him; his authorial popularity is clearly based on his television notoriety.

The Feast Of All Saints, by Anne Rice: I actually own and have read everything Anne Rice has ever published, from the early erotic novels (published under the pseudonym, Anne Rampling) through The Vampire Chronicles and the latest Jesus story. Having read Rice's entire oeuvre, I can appreciate the arc of her voice and talent. I was a big fan of the vampires through the early and middle part of the series, but I grew tired of them towards the end. Those stories became predictable and formulaic.

The Feast Of All Saints, however, is something entirely different, a novel that really does not fit into the Anne Rice mold. Saints is a top-notch piece of historical fiction about a race, a place, and a time rarely covered in fiction. Mind you, I read this book more than 15 years ago – and I don't reread anything – but this novel has stayed with me more than almost any other book I've read. From the back of the book:

In the days before the Civil War, there lived a Louisiana people unique in Southern history. For though they were descended from African slaves, they were also descended from the French and Spanish who had enslaved them. They were the gens de couleur libre--the Free People of Color--and in this dazzling historical novel, Anne Rice chronicles the lives of four of their number, men and women caught perilously between the worlds of master and slave, privilege and oppression, passion and pain.

What I loved about this book was the lush realism Rice infused into each of her characters. This is an incredibly vivid painting of an entire world that is as foreign and fascinating to our modern minds as any fantasy creation. Rice has an amazing ability for doing this – constructing entire universes complete with an endless number of lifelike characters. The subject matter is difficult. This book is about the lives of several people of color living in a world where their race is an unshakeable part of every daily interaction - demeaning, galling, and always present. Rice addresses these issues carefully and sensitively. The hardships encountered by the gens de couleur libre are the core storyline of the novel. In the end, Feast is a sympathetic account of people living in a culture and lifestyle that has been gone for more than a century.

Murphy's Law Of Travel

2007-06-25T11:35:00.000-04:00

Whatever can go wrong on a trip will go wrong, and there will be vomit.

After a very late night at Niece L's Bat Mitzvah party last Saturday evening, we woke up groggy on Sunday morning. We packed our bags, checked out of the hotel, and went over to TaxBro's house for brunch. Mid-way through my first cup of coffee, WineGuy says "How upset will my parents be if we don't visit them on this trip to Washington?" No, don't do this to me. I answered, "If you explain it nicely, maybe they'll understand." An hour later, we'd had enough family time – my parents showing up very late, The Egg (eldest brother) pontificating on Israeli and American politics, kids tearing up the rec room. I said to WineGuy, "If we leave RIGHT NOW, we can ~~drive 40 minutes completely out of the way and~~ have a short visit with your parents." I told him to call and let them know we were coming. 20 minutes and 20 goodbyes later we were out the door.

We drove 10 miles back to the Washington Beltway, 7 miles around the Beltway, 9 miles up I-270 and another couple miles to the in-laws' house. MIL gave us a frosty greeting. FIL was nowhere to be found. MIL eventually warmed up and told us FIL was pissed at not hearing from WineGuy on Father's Day last week. I forgot to send a card. MIL went on and on how WineGuy messed up. He got defensive but felt badly. FIL finally showed up downstairs and across the street at the community pool. We sent Wizard and Wild Thing down to invite FIL back upstairs, but he wouldn't budge. So, we all went down to chat with FIL and apologize for missing Father's Day. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa and Jewish guilt. What a combination. We raced out of there an hour and 45 minutes after we arrived.

Back down I-270, around the Beltway and out the airport access road (at excessive speed) to Dulles Airport. Gassed up the rental car and returned it. Shuttled over to the airport. Checked in. Tagged bags and dragged them over to the TSA screening machine. The luggage was piled 6-feet high waiting to be screened. When I asked whether they would process all our bags in the 75 minutes before our flight, the TSA ~~Deliverance man~~ agent replied, "I'll do my job, ma'am. Can't speak for the airlines, though." Not confidence-inspiring. Hiked through the airport, slogged through security, hiked more through the airport and made it to our gate about 25 minutes before boarding time. Bought pizza and water to feed everyone a late lunch, instead of giving them the chocolate and apples WineGuy stashed in the carry-on bag. Wolfed down the food and boarded the plane. Five minutes before our departure time, five off-duty flight attendants got on the plane and stowed their bags to catch a ride home. Five minutes later, five 0ff-duty flight attendants collected their bags and got off the plane because those five ticketed passengers finally showed up. The five latecomers sat down, and our flight attendants closed the door.

The pilot's first announcement was that TSA was slow to screen the luggage, and we had to wait for another batch to be loaded on to the plane. The ramp agents loaded the luggage, but the plane didn't move. The pilot's second announcement was that TSA did not deliver 5 bags on time, and those five bags would be sent on a later flight. The lady sitting next to me was convinced hers would be one of those bags. I smugly replied, "No. They're ours. We checked 5 bags." And we waited some more. The pilot's third announcement was that an on-board computer crashed and they were waiting for it to re-boot. Okaaay. Lost bags, dead computer, what else? The seatmate was afraid to fly. I asked Moose to make friends with her, and he proceeded to regale her with some tale.

Sometime before the pilot announced our departure, "Damien," a/k/a Roberto the 2 year-old in the back row started to shriek. For 2.5 hours, on and off, we listened to Roberto scream and cry and wail. We listened to his increasingly frustrated and ill-prepared mother talk (loudly) to him, sing with him, and feed his frenzy. I heard the flight attendant kindly ask the mother if the child was unwell. The mother said that he was tired because it was his naptime. Good planning, lady. With about 40 minutes left in the flight, Roberto's howling escalated to a fever pitch, and he vomited all over himself and the seat. The mother demanded, "Someone, help me!" Two flight attendants raced over with wipes and towels and tried to clean up the mess. The stench wafted through the plane and sickened us all.

We descended towards the runway when suddenly the plane pulls up and away. An aborted landing. O, joy and rapture. The pilot never came on to announce what happened, but we heard from the crew that a plane crossed our runway and did not clear the path in time. We circled the city and finally landed. Amen. Satan's Flight 666 was finally over. Fortunately, the ground crew allowed us to disembark the plane from the rear, so WineGuy shoved us past everyone and down the stairs. But the night was far from over.

Off to Carousel 5 for our bags. WT's bag arrived. Moose's duffel arrived. WineGuy's bag arrived. Then we watched the conveyor go around and around. My bag didn't arrive, nor did Wizard's bag. I walked the entire length of the terminal to the bag claim office and realized I didn't have the tags from the bags that did arrive. I walked all the way back and got them from WineGuy and trudged back to the bag claim office. Where there was one guy working and 20 pieces of delayed luggage waiting to be processed. Fortunately, there was one woman in line ahead of me. When my turn came, I had all the necessary papers and information ready, but it still took Bag Guy forever to type it in with those two fast fingers of his. As he finished writing up my claim, Roberto's mother walked in. I thought, "Just shoot me." She starts in with her harangue about how awful the flight was, how her kid is so tired and got sick, and how she needs to get him home. I turned to her and said, "I know your entire story. I were sitting two rows ahead of you. I was here first. They lost 2 of my 5 bags. I have a husband and three exhausted, ravenous children waiting for me, AND I have a 115-mile drive home yet tonight. You need to wait your turn." Honey. She waited, while BagGuy finished my paperwork.

As I walked the entire length of the terminal (again), I called the airline's bag claim at Dulles. They had the bags and had tagged them for priority handling and rush delivery on the next flight to Fort Lauderdale ... the following morning. Fine, at least they had the bags. We all trudged back to the car and buckled up to go home. I pull up to the cashier on my parking level. No one was there. The sign said to pay on the next lower level. I drove around and down to the next cashier. Each line had 5 cars in it, and neither line was moving. By this point, I'd had it. I got out of the car and ~~hollered~~ called to the parking attendant about another cashier. He said to try another level down. I backed out of the line and drove down another level. There was no cashier, but there was an exit into another parking garage and a downward ramp. I took the ramp at a 10 mph clip, nauseating Wizard in the process. I finally found cashiers on ground level, so I paid with my credit card and zoomed out of the airport.

A faint chorus of "I'm hungry" and "Me, too" burbled from the back of the car. WineGuy suggested we follow our usual route home and look for the Golden Arches. Bad plan: you can't see those things in advance driving on an urban/suburban interstate highway. I pulled off at some random exit and bought some food at a grocery store. WineGuy served dinner, al auto, as opposed to al fresco, and we sailed home through the dark Everglades night. We finally arrived home at 11:00 p.m. and collapsed into bed.

Monday morning arrived, and everyone was still exhausted. The airline called twice with the good news that the bags arrived on (adjusted) schedule, at 10:30A, into Fort Lauderdale. The airline handed the bags over to the luggage service, who managed to get them on a truck at 4:00P that afternoon. I gave the luggage service exact directions to my house. The bags arrived in The Zone at 5:30P, which means the driver drove directly to my house. Super! I opened the handle of Wizard's bag, and it worked fine. I opened the handle of my own bag, purchased last September, and it was stuck. I pushed the handle; I pulled it; I prodded it; I jiggled it; I yanked it. Finally, it opened, but it did not stay open. Either the airline or TSA bent the handle and broke the pins that hold it in position. So, I called the airline's central baggage service. They, in turn, told me to call Fort Lauderdale baggage service. I called Fort Lauderdale baggage service and got their voicemail. They never called back, so I called again later in the evening. Guess what? The airline is not responsible for damage to the pull handle. This is specifically stated in their contract of coverage – not clearly printed anywhere you might see it when you check your bags but buried six levels deep in their website. Thankyouverymuch.

I've had a matched set of expensive (non-rolling) luggage for 17 years. It's gone all over the world with me, and it's in good shape. I bought one, lousy, little rolling suitcase – from Costco, no less – last fall, and it's already ruined. Unbelievable. Now, I have to shop for new luggage. Ugh.

California, Here I Come!

2007-06-25T07:15:00.000-04:00

I am going to be on JEOPARDY!!! My lifelong dream will come true at the end of July 2007. I am so excited, I want to tell the world. And, I pretty much have. Here is the story:

On Friday night, June 22, 2007, I was in a synagogue in Reston, Virginia enjoying a Shabbat dinner with my immediate and extended family for my niece's Bat Mitzvah. My cell phone rang. I saw that the call was from the 310 area code in Los Angeles. I thought it was the Malibu Mom calling me. I answered the call and heard a bunch of static. I sprinted outside to get better reception. Then I heard, "Hi! This is Carina from Jeopardy! Am I speaking to The Testosterone Zone?" Oh. My. G-d.

Carina proceeded to verify every bit of my personal information from the questionnaire I completed at my Jeopardy audition in May 2007: name, spelling, address, local Jeopardy station, etc. Midway through her dozens of questions, I asked Carina, "Does this mean what I think it does?" She replied, "Please wait until you've answered all my questions." Aaah! Carina continued through her laundry list:

Do you know anyone who works for your Sony Pictures Entertainment?
Do you know anyone who works for the distribution company?
Do you know anyone who works for ABC?
Do you know anyone who works for NBC?
Do you know anyone who works for CBS?
Do you know anyone who works for your local affiliate?
Have you ever been on a game show?
Have you been on a game show in the last six months?

No, honey. What I wanted to say: I'm basically a suburban housewife and mother living in Southwest Florida. I don't know anyone who works for anyone in California. Now, stop asking me all these damn questions and answer my one! What I did was politely reply to each and every one of those maddening interrogatories.

When she finally completed her due diligence, Carina finally stated, "We would like you to come to California to be a contestant on Jeopardy. Are you available at the end of July?" Yes, I am. I would ditch my kids and be on a plane tomorrow if you asked! Carina then gave me myriad details of when to come, what to wear, travel arrangements, etc. I am going to be taping shows on July 30-31, 2007. I do not know when the show(s) will air, but when I auditioned, they told us that shows taped in the beginning of the season should air approximately 6 weeks after they're taped. I'm guessing September 2007.

I thanked Carina for the good news and walked back into the synagogue. I marched right over to WineGuy and said, "We're going to Los Angeles at the end of July. I'm going to be on Jeopardy!" The boys jumped up and hugged me. The whole room exploded in congratulations and applause. I felt guilty, taking away attention from Niece L that night, but she was just as excited by the news. We spent the rest of the weekend enjoying Niece L's Bat Mitzvah and celebrations. Word of my Jeopardy appearance spread around the congregation like an Everglades brushfire.

There are a million things to do now: What am I going to wear? When am I going to have time to shop for it? I need to lose a ton of weight before the end of July! Is the whole family going to California? What do I do about Moose, who is not old enough to attend the taping? Will my in-laws agree to watch him while the rest of us go to L.A.? Or, do I ask Malibu Mom to watch him I'm at the studio? When are we flying out there? Should we make a whole vacation of it or should I go with one or two good friends? My head is spinning.

Before I sign off today, I want to acknowledge The Mamas who must be watching over me in heaven. First there is my grandmother, who watched Jeopardy almost every night, according Aunt M-lyn. Next there is Mama S, my SIL's mother; she was a lifelong fan of Jeopardy and all kinds of games. Finally and most importantly, is Mama E, BFF's mother. Mama E was such a rabid Jeopardy fan that she would not answer her telephone while the show was on. Mama E was a brilliant woman, with whom I could discuss the esoteric points of any Jeopardy game. Mamas, don't fail me now!

Surfing Blogs Of Note

2007-06-21T07:59:00.000-04:00

Every so often I surf over to Blogs of Note and check out what Blogger deems blogworthy. I get tired of kudos going to prostate-enlarged gamers and techno-hounds, but this week I found a gem, Ken Levine. From his blog:

Ken Levine is an Emmy winning writer/director/producer/major league baseball announcer. In a career that has spanned over 30 years Ken has worked on MASH, CHEERS, FRASIER, THE SIMPSONS, WINGS, EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, BECKER, DHARMA & GREG, and has co-created his own series including ALMOST PERFECT starring Nancy Travis. He and his partner wrote the feature VOLUNTEERS. Ken has also been the radio/TV play-by-play voice of the Baltimore Orioles, Seattle Mariners, San Diego Padres.

Levine's perspective on television and life is long . . . and hysterical. Consider his post on his recent trip to Hawaii.
His observations about Maui and Hawaii had me rolling on the floor. I couldn't stop laughing at: "A synagogue in Oahu has the following website -- “Shaloha.com.” I’m guessing they’re reform. Stopping just short of having a pig with an apple in its mouth at the Purim Luau." Or this: "The Dali Lama recently stayed at the nearby Renaissance. (You’d think he could do better.) Wouldn’t you love to be checking in and there he is going bonkers because they gave him a room by the ice machine? It would also be pretty cool to go to a Yoga class and there is the Dali Lama sitting next to you." Really! Check out his Blogspot and Typepad sites.

Earlier this year, I found a fascinating blog about Antarctica. Glass artist, David Ruth, won an artist's grant from the National Science Foundation to study ice structures in order to later cast them in glass. He took amazing pictures of his journey to and from the Frozen Continent, as well as the local fauna and flora. Wild Thing and I enjoyed following Ruth's travels, as WT studied the North Pole and South Pole in school.

But then, Blogs of Note recognizes crap like Anna Abroad. This chick is in Paris, seeing some of the greatest sites in the world, and all she can say is "The Louvre is big." Oh. Let me run and renew my passport to go back and see The Louvre because it's big.

At any rate, you get the idea. Surfing Blogs of Note is one way to expand your blog-horizons. I'd like to know what or how you explore the blogosphere. Oh, and I'd like to know how one gets chosen as a Blog of Note. I'm "Noteworthy". Don't you think so??

First Blogiversary

2007-06-19T00:16:00.000-04:00

Tales From The Testosterone Zone is one year old today! On June 19, 2006, I posted my first-ever blog entries anywhere. Since January 2007 when I installed Sitemeter, The Zone has had nearly 4,650 hits from all over the world. I've seen entries on my Sitemeter from six continents: North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Africa, and Australia. I have regular readers all over the United States, in Europe, and in Australia. In fact, I know of at least 2 regular readers Down Under.

If you are a regular reader and you don't post comments, please leave me one today. Even if you are a regular commenter, leave me a note, too. Tell me what you like about this blog. Tell me what you don't like and what I need to improve. BTW, see that graphic over there? I designed it myself!

Finally, here's a beso for Sock Girl, who was the very first visitor to The Zone. Thanks for inspiring me to write.

"Mwah!"

Sterling

2007-06-18T16:52:00.000-04:00

Several months ago, I asked my mother if I could have her set of sterling flatware. She ignored me. I asked again a few weeks later, and a few weeks after that, she and my father agreed (with strings attached). One of my mother's requests was that I come to their house and go through everything with her and my dad, so I could choose what I wanted. After some dickering, WineGuy and I agreed to go over on Father's Day. He would keep the boys occupied for a couple of hours so I could have "quality time" with my parents.

So, we went over to the East Coast and spent Father's Day with my parents. WineGuy dragged the boys hither and yon until I called to tell him I was done. He asked, "Why did it take so long for a set of flatware?" Because, there was more than flatware. Much more. Waaaay much more. My parents chose to unload their lifetime collection of sterling silver flatware and hollowware.

Here's what I originally came for:Towle "Madeira" sterling flatware, service for 12++, circa 1950. I say "++" because my mother has all kinds of esoteric additional pieces like fish forks and salt spoons and sugar shells. You name it. Here's a more detailed picture:

She also had assorted pieces from other manufacturers, pieces which my father bought or took in trade when my parents were in the retail jewelry business. There used to be an entire set of Kirk Repoussé flatware, which I declined for obvious reasons:

I didn't want to polish that intricate pattern! Or this one, Stieff Rose, either:

My parents gave me such a hard time for turning down those sets, but I just hated them. I figured I could wait until my mother was ready to let her Towle go. I'm glad I did.

I came home yesterday with two big boxes and three large shopping bags of sterling silver. There are flatware, serving pieces, bowls, candelabra, a candle snuffer, salt-and-pepper shakers, serving trays, serving caddies for casserole dishes, a crumber, a soup ladle, a small punch bowl – Mom still has the large one, a trivet, candy dishes, a gravy boat and tray, a gravy ladle, a carving set, coasters, and many other things. It will take me days to fit it into my cabinets and closets. I don't think I have enough space for it all.

My parents were melancholy about letting these things go, but they haven't used any of them in years. That didn't stop them from making nasty comments about who would be eating off "her silver," namely my in-laws. You see, my parents and my in-laws do not get along at all. They have disliked each other since the day they met 15 years ago; wedding shower and wedding preparations merely worsened the situation. Now, my in-laws regularly come to our house for holidays; my parents do not. They will not come if my in-laws are going to be here. My parents highly resent that my in-laws will eat off the antique silver; they ignore that my children and my husband will enjoy it more than anyone else. It's a shame.

Meanwhile, we're still digging out children's rooms here in The Zone. Moose took an entire box of crackers up to his room and spread them all over the floor. He poured water and handsoap on the carpet and G-d-knows-what-else. Wild Thing played with all his toys, completely ignoring the pile of clean laundry that needed to be put away. I worked on those 2 rooms today. Again. Wizard's room looks like the Chinese laundry exploded in there. The entire floor is covered with clothing. To save my sanity, I may just take his entire bundle to the local laundry and charge him for it. Looks like none of The Zone boys are going to make it to summer camp this year. Pbbbbbbbft.

Fattening Week

2007-06-14T16:41:00.000-04:00

Our dear friends, The Radiologist and The Writer, came back to town for a visit this week: no conference and no kids. They have enjoyed hot, sunny days and great shopping all over town. We made sure they've had adventures in dining each night. I'm glad my diet "starts next week." Haha.

On Monday night, WineGuy took The Radiologist and The Writer to a local seafood shack, Rodés. Although this place is usually jammed in season, they were the only patrons there the whole evening. They enjoyed freshly caught Florida grouper, shrimp, and scallops prepared all different ways. WineGuy made sure they had authentic Key Lime Pie for dessert. They loved it and sent the leftover pie to the boys, who gobbled it up. I, on the other hand, had to go to book club on Monday night. We forewent our usual sushi place for dinner al fresco at Riverwalk, overlooking Naples Bay. The new husband of one of our new members owns Riverwalk, and the new member treated us to dinner. We started with rock shrimp nachos. These were heavily-breaded, fried rock shrimp in a sweet chili sauce over multi-colored nacho chips sprinkled with jack cheese. The dish was not cohesive and didn't make sense. The Pinot Grigio we all drank did. I ordered a Salade Niçoise topped with rare ahi tuna, grouper, and sauteed shrimp. The salad was light and flavorful, filled with dark greens, a hard-boiled egg, and other chopped vegetables in some sort of citrus vinaigrette. The dish was a winner save for too much salad dressing, a perpetual restaurant mistake. The other mistake was sitting outside because apparently I was the main course for mosquitoes that night. I'm still scratching.

The following evening we all went to the new Ruth's Chris Steakhouse in town. WineGuy and I ate at the original Ruth's Chris in New Orleans years ago. It was the best steak I've ever had. The franchise absolutely lived up to the original. Although the new steakhouse is built into the local mall, when you walk in the door, you leave suburbia behind. The high-ceilinged interior was furnished in deep burgundy and ivory with mahogany furnishings and accents. The ivory walls were dimensional, textured to look like sculpted sand – you know, like the pattern made in a little Zen garden. We sat down at a four-top in the middle of the restaurant.

WineGuy ordered the barbecued shrimp appetizer, advertised as an authentic New Orleans dish, which our waitress heavily promoted. The shrimp arrived hot and well-seasoned, but dripping in a gloppy orange sauce that resembled no shrimp we've ever eaten in New Orleans. They tasted good, but they were far from authentic. The Radiologist ordered a tomato and sweet onion salad. It was a beautiful plate of thickly sliced beefsteak tomatoes and Vidalia onions, topped with crumbled Gorgonzola cheese and a light vinaigrette. WineGuy and I ordered the Porterhouse for Two (medium-rare), fresh asparagus with hollandaise sauce, creamed spinach, onion rings, and potatoes au gratin. The steak arrived, sizzling in butter (the restaurant's trademark preparation), and perfectly cooked to a warm red center. The kitchen sliced the meat off the bone and cut both the filet and the strip into servable pieces. The asparagus were steamed to a slight bite, and the hollandaise sauce set it off well. The big, fat onion rings were lightly battered and tasty, but nothing special. The potatoes au gratin were prepared in a 1/4" dice, instead of sliced, and felt awkward in the mouth; they were just okay. Three out of us four loved the creamed spinach, saying that the dish was a wonderful balance of heavy cream and spinach and seasoned well. I thought the dish was bland and boring; it needed salt and pepper and a heavy dose of garlic. But the table overrode my opinion. The Writer and The Radiologist ordered the Petite Filet (8 oz.) With Shrimp, garlic mashed potatoes and creamed spinach. They said their steaks and shrimp were cooked perfectly. I tasted the mashed potatoes, which were whipped IMHO, and they were very good: lots of creamy, garlicky flavor balanced with buttery richness. My small complaint was that they were grainy, with a cream-of-wheat/wallpaper paste texture that I did not love. After all that food and two bottles of wine, we hardly had room for dessert. WineGuy sucked it up and ordered the banana cream pie. It was an individual pie served with caramelized sugar and bananas on top. Banana cream pie is one of his favorites, and he loved it. The Writer and I shared bread pudding with a whiskey sauce. It was a luscious casserole of sweet bread drowned in a sugary, whiskey sauce. The desserts were definitely and authentically New Orleans. Finally, a comment on the wine list. The wine list is not long, but it has many good selections. Unfortunately, Ruth's Chris is charging exorbitant prices. For example, our bottle of Red Blend, Francis Ford Coppola, Claret retails in the store for $11-12.00. Ruth's Chris sold the bottle for $40.00. There is no excuse for charging 3-3.5-times cost for wine. The markup on our second bottle, Shiraz/Cabernet Blend, Majella, "The Musician" (Coonawarra, Australia) was equally high. Nevertheless and overall, the meal was outstanding. We will certainly go back.

On Wednesday evening, we headed up to Roy's in Bonita Springs. Our friend, Chef B, is the assistant chef there, so we joined her long-time boyfriend, GoJo, there for dinner, along with The Radiologist and The Writer. GoJo is an anesthesiologist who often works with WineGuy. He and Chef B are serious gourmands who travel the world over for great adventures and great food. We feasted at Roy's! When we sat down, Chef B sent an amusé-bouche to each of us. There was a small piece of blackened, rare ahi tuna in two sauces and a filet mignon tortelloni. The tuna was cooked perfectly, but, to me, the blackening seasoning overwhelms the piscine meatiness of the fish. Next, Chef B sent out a "canoe" of appetizers. It was a long white platter filled with Szechuan spare ribs, char shu chicken (like a chicken egg roll), a tempura sushi roll, and tuna tataki. They were all delicious and messy to eat. The Writer and I enjoyed every bite of the Maui Wowie salad we shared: vine-ripened tomatoes, sweet onions, feta cheese & lemon olive oil. The salad was light and flavorful. Each diner ordered his or her own dinner. The restaurant allowed us to create our own combinations of two entrées. The Radiologist and The Writer ordered Roy's signature Misoyaki Butterfish and the Tiger Shrimp. They swooned over the butterfish and loved the shrimp. GoJo ordered Fire Rim Shrimp over spicy kim chee pad thai; he's had it before and loved it. WineGuy ordered Asian chicken stuffed with herbs and spices and served over rice. He liked but did not rave about it. I lusted after the Misoyaki Butterfish; I always order it when I go to Roy's. I couldn't pass it up this time, but I felt I should try something different. So, I ordered a combination plate with the butterfish and an Herb Pesto Encrusted Corvina. The butterfish was divine: sweet and salty miso glazed fish served over sticky rice laid in a pool of lemon soy beurre blanc. The most perfectly braised baby bok choy accompanied this part of the dish, and it all was sublime. The corvina was a big mistake! It looked and tasted like grass-covered fish. I took one bite, and my tongue recoiled in protest. No more corvina for me. Dessert that night was the piece de resistance. Chef B outdid herself by sending out a platter of five signature desserts. We each had a scoop of rich vanilla ice cream to accompany the last course. There was a buttery, caramelized pineapple upside down cake. There was Roy's famous Molten Lava Cake, a hot chocolate cake with a liquid center. A nut-filled macadamia tart followed the cakes, and a galette (rustic tart) of summer fruits came next. The last dessert was a peach and ginger shortcake with fresh whipped cream. Each one was a winner. After all that food and three bottles of wine – Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc (NZ), Kim Crawford Chardonnay (NZ), and Robert Sinskey Pinot Noir (Napa, CA) – we were stuffed to the brim. We all rolled home to cope with our own personal bouts of reflux!

A wine note: if you're looking for some reasonably priced white wines to drink this summer, check out Cloudy Bay or Babich's Sauvignon Blanc Marlborough from New Zealand; look for one that is "unoaked," i.e., not aged in oak barrels. This was a bright, light white filled with lots of tropical fruit up front and a grassy finish. Just the right amount of acidity to go with grilled chicken, fish and other summer dinners; price should be approx. US$15-20 in the local wine shop. Along the same vein, Kim Crawford's Chardonnay was fruity, acidic, and just buttery enough to stand up to your favorite summer repast. Again, this one should retail between US$15-20.

Thursday night was The Radiologist and The Writer's last night in town, so we opted for a cute seafood restaurant on the bay. The million-dollar view did nothing to improve the lazy service or lackluster food at Bayside. I had a roasted eggplant bruschetta with mozzarella: it was a fancy name for cheese toast with a little eggplant on top. WineGuy had the asparagus and sun-dried tomato risotto. It was starchy and heavy and redolent with nearly overcooked asparagus. I had grilled sea scallops for dinner; they came with a side of that same risotto and some baby vegetables. The sea scallops and veggies were ordinary. The risotto completely overwhelmed the delicate flavor of the scallops. WineGuy had blackened ahi tuna (again). It was cooked properly, but it was an incredibly small portion for an entrée. Our friends both had grilled yellowtail snapper with lemon aioli. It was hard to tell anything about their fish under all that yellow glop on top. Mediocre food combined with a crappy waitress – 25 minutes to take our order, never kept our water glasses full, never cleared the table, never was around to ask her for something, took forever to bring our bill – now nukes Bayside right off our restaurant list. BTDT and don't want to do it again. Ever.

We raced out of Bayside and down to the main shopping and dining venue in town. We ended up on the upstairs terrace at Café Lurcat for dessert. It was a balmy evening; there was live music. We had a smart, sassy waitress bring us fabulous desserts and coffee. WineGuy had the profiteroles drenched in chocolate and caramel. I had a baked chocolate mousse with vanilla ice cream; it tasted like chocolate and vanilla clouds. Our friends had the almond cake with strawberry-rhubarb compote. They loved the cake but wished it came with more than two teaspoons of compote. WineGuy said goodbye to his friends that evening, but I saw them the next day for lunch.

Wizard, Wild Thing, Moose and I met The Radiologist and The Writer for lunch at the local Persian restaurant, Bha! Bha! Amidst citrus-colored walls and an indoor fountain, we feasted on Iranian specialties. Moose ordered the aash soup, a lamb stock loaded with barley, bulgur, garbanzos and Persian noodles. Wizard and The Radiologist ordered a spicy beef kermani. WT ordered a lamb stew whose name I cannot possibly reproduce without a menu. The Writer ordered the lamburger in pita bread. I had a chicken kebab over jeweled basmati rice with grilled onions. Each and every dish was exotic, flavorful and plentiful. We had a great waiter who apparently lives right up the street from me. The kitchen was the tiniest bit slow: we arrived at 12:30 p.m. and had to rush the staff to get us out at 2:40 p.m. Nevertheless, it was an enjoyable dining experience. I really want to go back there for dinner on a Friday night, preferably with girlfriends, when they have their Persian fortuneteller there!

If you think my gluttonous week is over, it's not. Tomorrow night we are going to an Australian and New Zealand wine tasting and cooking class at the Robb & Stucky KitchenAid Culinary Center. I see you scratching your head, saying "huh"? A high-end local furniture store teamed up with KitchenAid to open a casual living store. It features about 6 completely integrated and fully operational KitchenAid kitchens and laundry rooms that flow into indoor patio and outdoor living settings. They have their own chef who regularly teaches cooking classes, and we're going to one on Saturday night. By Sunday morning, when I have to ~~endure my mother's endless cataloguing of the sterling silver she's supposed to give me~~ drive to the East Coast to spend Father's Day with my parents, I will be content with a large bottle of water.

[Burp.] Excuse me. I'm going to sleep in the recliner now.

School's Out For Summer

2007-06-09T11:04:00.000-04:00

School's out for summer
School's out forever
School's been blown to pieces

No more pencils
No more books
No more teacher's dirty looks
Out for summer
Out 'til fall
We might not go back at all

School's out forever
School's out for summer
School's out with fever
School's out completely

–Alice Cooper

Thank you, Alice. And, thank you to all the teachers who pulled Wizard through this school year. You recognized his brilliance and excused his laziness time and time again. This didn't teach him to be organized or self-motivated, but maybe he'll learn external motivation next year in middle school.

FYI, Wizard found the postcards he lost and completed the novel project. He turned in the last paper to his Language Arts teacher the last day of school. She accepted it, but she may not give him credit for it. She's a big talker and threatened to give him a zero, but I think she's a softie and will give him partial credit.

Wild Thing had a good year in second grade. He is an average to above average student, but he works hard. He thrives on positive reinforcement. His teacher pulled him through the math program, so he completed the program with the rest of the class. WT proudly showed me his certificate of completion of the math program. I can already see, however, that we are going to have to review and review all his basic math facts this summer. He just doesn't retain things unless they are drilled into his head. WT is now a good reader and is motivated to read more fiction than before. He still prefers non-fiction books about the human body, but at least he's interested in adventure novels now. Reading will have to be a daily assigned activity now, too.

Moose had a marvelous year. He flew to the head of his class and soared over all their heads. He is now reading at a second grade level, with vocabulary words into fourth and fifth grade lists. His comprehension is good, too. I'm going to start him on simple chapter books this summer. Magic Tree House books would interest him but the reading level might be a little advanced. Does anyone have any suggestions? We have successfully avoided the Captain Underpants books, and I'd like to keep them out of this house. The boys are vulgar enough! Moose is anxious to do his summer packet and get it over with. I just might let him do it. He is motivated enough that every activity can be used to teach him. He even remembers math facts that Wild Thing doesn't.

Next week, we're going to spend time digging out everyone's room: closet, bookshelf, dresser, etc. I'm going to throw out most of WT's and Moose's toys because they don't put them away. I need to get caught up on all their laundry, too. Because Moose and WT keep each other up at night, I may move them both into the playroom on the first floor – their bedrooms are currently on the second floor – so we can monitor them and ~~force~~ teach them to go to bed on time each night instead of running around playing.

Once we get the house under control, then I'll put them into camps. I may try to take them up to the Kennedy Space Center for a week and put Wizard and WT into the day camps there. It would give me and Moose some time together. I could also visit my dear friend, Boatman, who lives nearby.

In the meantime, it's been a fun weekend so far. After classes ended, and we ran some errands for WineGuy (a whole, other, ugly story), we went to see the new movie, "Surf's Up". It was cute, but not as good as last year's "Happy Feet," which I adored. We had dinner out and then attended Sabbath services with Rabbi Z, whom our congregation just hired. For the first time in eons, I felt that spirit and joy as I sang with the small group. Rabbi Z is aware that the group needs to grow to survive; he asked us to remember this first night so that when the group is too large to converse freely with the rabbi during services (from his mouth to G-d's ears!) we will recall our small and humble beginning. Amen, Rabbi Z, amen.

Today, we all went to a barbeque and swim party at another physician's house. It was hot as Hades, but the shade and the pool were cool. We had a late lunch and then came home. I was ready to lie down for a nap when WineGuy proposed we go to the new county waterpark around the corner. The waterpark just approved a flat-fee family pass, which is a great deal. So, we dashed to the park, filled out the forms, got our cards and raced into the waterpark. It was the end of the day, and it wasn't too crowded. Wizard and WT immediately ran off to the giant waterslides and such. I was Moose's chaperone. We had a great time floating down the lazy river together. He dictated where we went and what we did. He was brave enough to climb on to the low diving board and the giant waterslide. Moose was not ready to take the plunge from either, but I was proud of him for trying and facing his fear. However, he did dive right into the deep pool and swim to me. WineGuy just sat reading in a lounge-chair the whole time. Afterwards, we had dinner at our favorite sushi restaurant. The boys were exhausted, but not enough to get right into bed. I am finally tired now, too.

Who knows what adventures tomorrow and the rest of the summer will bring? I just need enough sleep to be ready for them. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

What A Waste

2007-06-06T16:58:00.000-04:00

Wizard is a brilliant child. Wizard is lazy. Wizard is falling apart and has completely screwed himself for the 4th quarter Language Arts class.

He had a journal to write for our trip to New Orleans. He turned it in a month late and only after a lot of hounding. He had a packet to prepare for a novel he read independently. He did the art project, that was part of the packet, but did not do any of the written work. His teacher called me this afternoon to tell me all this. I was so ~~NOT~~ happy to be standing in the hair salon, dripping expensive color all over the floor, hearing this news.

When I finally got to school, the teacher conferred with me and Wizard. She told him she was not allowing him to turn anything else in late and that she would give him a zero for that assignment, a major part of his grade. His A will likely drop to a B-. No Honor Roll, nothing. I told them both that Wizard still had to do the assignment. She agreed. We came home, and Wizard was supposed to find his binder and the packet. He could find neither, nor could be find the art project he did. I am so angry with him, I could spit. This is the fourth time this year he has pulled this stunt and always with a long-term project.

Oh, and did I tell you that he dropped out of Band without telling us? Why am I spending big bucks to send this child to private school? Why, why, why?

Another Blue Monday

2007-06-04T17:08:00.001-04:00

My dear friend, Spy, called me yesterday to tell me a classmate of ours from high school passed away. I have known this girl since we were in Kindergarten, some 40 years or so. We were in Brownies together and went all the way through grade school, junior high, and high school together.

She was 44 years old, the same as me. She died of pulmonary fibrosis at Johns Hopkins University Hospital. She leaves behind a husband of 23 years and 2 children. She was attractive, smart, and a highly accomplished woman. She's gone. I can't fathom it.

In other news that made me sad, my BFF is leaving for her first trip to Israel tomorrow. She is going with her family and a synagogue group and will be renewing her wedding vows while she's there. She and her husband will celebrate their 20th anniversary in August. I couldn't go to her wedding b/c I had to work in my parents' store. I won't be able to witness the renewal of vows either. It makes me sad.

Gather ye rosebuds and friends.

Struggling

2007-06-03T23:20:00.000-04:00

I am struggling to do so many things, and I am accomplishing little.

I need to clean my desk. It will take me hours. Every time I start, something or someone interrupts me, and I fall 2 steps back.
I need to drive over to the east coast of Florida to see my mother. This is a command performance for her to give me her sterling flatware, which she has been promising me for a while and has been nagging me to come get personally.
I was supposed to make arrangements for the family to go to DC for a niece's Bat Mitzvah. I haven't made any flight or hotel arrangments. I wish we didn't have to go.
I need to get back to a laundry schedule for the boys. Their clothes pile up, and I can't keep up.
I need to get away with my husband. He does not acknowledge this need, and obstructs matters by rejecting any candidate I propose to stay with the boys.
I need to sign my kids up for camps. School ends this week, and I haven't done a thing.
I need to go see my doctors. ENT – I am congested and can't breathe well. Everything smells like cigarette smoke to me. GYN – for an annual check-up, but I hate waiting in her office. Internist – for a general check-up; I fear the worst and rightfully so.
I need my kids to listen and behave at home once in a while, so I can get some things done around here, like what I've just mentioned, and fix the stuff they've broken.

I need a break. I need my husband and kids to get the hell out of this house for a few days so I can catch up on everything. I need, I need, I need. I need to stop sounding like my mother and pretending it's always all about me.

Meme: Things I Have Done

2007-05-30T20:01:00.000-04:00

I picked up this meme from both Rambling Mom and A Squib's Life. They got it from One Feather Tail and Doc Thelma. It will be interesting to compare experiences. I'll use my own formatting: those that I have done are in bold; my comments are in italics.

1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
2. Swam with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid: the summer of 1988
6. Held a tarantula
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
8. Said “I love you” and meant it!
9. Hugged a tree: a redwood in Muir Woods in California
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris: autumn 1993, for our honeymoon (nearly a year later)
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights: I would love to see these one day.
15. Gone to a huge sports game: Super Bowl XXIII, Miami, Florida (1989)
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa: no, but I have climbed the entire Statue of Liberty, Notre Dame, St. Peter's Basilica, St. Paul's Cathedral, and McGraw Tower at Cornell University
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper: probably hundreds
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Drunk tequila: and eaten the worm
24. Given more than you can afford to charity: When I was single and had lost a job, I gave my last $5 to a homeless guy.
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can: several times a week
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster: I love rollercoasters!
35. Scored a winning goal
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking: about once a year
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Visited all 7 continents: 4 down, three to go
40. Taken care of someone who was drunk
41. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country: Spain, 1979, and that's all I'm saying.
42. Watched wild whales
43. Stolen a sign: Does a fraternity's composite count?
44. Backpacked
45. Taken a road-trip
46. Gone rock climbing
47. Midnight walk on the beach: It was how my husband proposed.
45. Gone sky diving
49. Taken a train through Europe: Taken subways in European cities.
50. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love: That's why they call it "first love".
51. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table, and had a meal with them
52. Milked a cow
53. Alphabetized your CDs
54. Sung karaoke
55. Lounged around in bed all day
56. Gone scuba diving
57. Kissed in the rain
58. Gone to a drive-in theatre
59. Started a business
60. Taken a martial arts class
61. Been in a movie
62. Crashed a party
63. Gone without food for 5 days
64. Gotten a tattoo
65. Got flowers for no reason
66. Performed on stage: All the time!
67. Been to Las Vegas
68. Recorded music
69. Eaten shark
70. Buried one/both of your parents
71. Been on a cruise ship
72. Spoken more than one language fluently: Yo hablo español fluentemente. Eu falo portugues muito mal.
73. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
74. Walked a famous bridge: Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco, October 2005.
75. Had plastic surgery
76. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
78. Wrote articles for a large publication
79. Tried to lose weight seriously
80. Piloted an airplane
80. Petted a stingray
81. Broken someone’s heart
82. Broken a bone
83. Eaten sushi
84. Had your picture in the newspaper: Washington Post, January 1993
85. Parasailed
86. Skipped all your school reunions: from law school
87. Shaved your head
88. Caused a car accident
89. Pretended to be “sick”
90. Swam in the Pacific Ocean
91. Saved someone’s life
92. Fainted: when my oldest SIL gave birth to their first child
93. Been in the room while someone is giving birth: just me.
94. Hitchhiked
95. Adopted a child
96. Been caught daydreaming
97. Been to the Painted Desert: the Petrified Forest, and the Grand Canyon, too
98. Called off a wedding engagement
99. Donated your blood
100. Had an out-of-body experience: first time, as a child, and later on as an adult

L Things

2007-05-29T14:57:00.000-04:00

I couldn't decide what to talk about today, but "L" things crept into my mind.

LACROSSE: The NCAA Division I Men's Lacrosse championships were held yesterday in Baltimore, Maryland. Duke played Johns Hopkins for the national title. (My personal favorite and alma mater, Cornell, lost to Duke in the semis.) Duke could not get its game together during the first two periods and was down 11-4 at the half. They came back with guns blazing in the third period to tie the score. The third and fourth periods were exciting to watch as Hopkins and Duke traded shots at the goals. Hopkins won the game by 1 point in the end. I really wanted Duke to win this year to vindicate themselves after the rape scandal last year. They played a great game!

In other lacrosse news, Wizard signed up to play lacrosse this spring. It's the first team sport in which he has ever expressed an interest. I will confess that his father and I gently nudged him towards lacrosse, but he really took to the game. Wizard's height, strength and natural athleticism will make him a good player, if he works at it. He thinks he's hot stuff on the lacrosse field, but to me he looks slow compared to the other players. He'll have to start running and working out to improve his speed and agility. (Maybe that will cure his laziness.) At any rate, he was on a great 11-under team this spring. His coach played on a nationally-ranked team at Princeton and had a really good attitude about sports: he gave lots of instruction and encouragement and didn't holler at the kids like others did. LaxCoach found something nice to say about each player at the end of the season. He called Wizard "very coachable" and "willing to learn". Wizard's team was 5-0 going into the championship game. Their one and only loss was that final, big game. The team parents were very proud of the boys winning season and good sportsmanship.

LIBRARY THING: I found a link to this website on DocThelma's blog. Library Thing allows you to catalogue your entire collection of books and tag them according to genre or any other system you wish. You can discuss books with other people and get recommendations from others who share your taste in books. I have a link to Library Thing over there on the right. You can see what I've logged into my home library so far. We have hundreds, maybe thousands, of books here in The Zone. It will take a long time to enter them all. I'm hoping Library Thing will help me come up with good titles for my book club to read. But for now, I'd really like some great summer reads . . . you know a good Jennifer Weiner novel or equivalent. I have lots of serious fiction on my nightstand, and I'll get to it shortly.

On the short list for reading:

The Book Of Fate, by Brad Meltzer
Angry Housewives Eating Bon-Bons, by Lorna Landvik
Dark Light, by Randy Wayne White

I just finished Sheridan Hay's The Secret Of Lost Things: good but not great. It was critically acclaimed, but I found it an unsatisfying read. I also just finished Jennifer Gilmore's Golden Country for our synagogue's book club. WineGuy like it, but I thought it was crap. Another author that somehow finagled a book deal for a story that's been told a hundred times, and told better by others. Yawn.

Wild Thing is 8

2007-05-24T12:52:00.000-04:00

Wild Thing turned 8 on May 14, 2007. He is a typical second-grade boy: bright, goofy, a happy-go-lucky kid. He is also saturnine and destructive. He is a typical middle child . . . alternately a peacemaker and a troublemaker, alternately hardworking and unfocused, sometimes the victim and sometimes the aggressor. Considering his tenuous start in life, he is entitled to be all these things.

He loves baseball and most sports. He is destined to be a runner: this kid can run all day long and not get tired. He is a pretty good swimmer and had a great attitude when he participated in the school's swim club last year. Unfortunately, he could not swim this year because of the homework load. Academically, he is right in the middle of the pack, which is fine. He excels at his work when he loves the subject matter. He is slower than a Galapagos tortoise when he is not interested in the work. WT is a classic Taurus through and through: patient, kind, determined, warm-hearted – but also stubborn, possessive, indulgent and greedy. WT still loves to play with his stuffed animals and Rescue Heroes. Moose willingly goes along with these grand schemes. Wizard will occasionally deign to participate but usually on his terms, which are decidedly unilateral. WT and Moose love to play together outside, riding bikes, climbing trees, digging up what is left of our landscaping. WT loves picking the bougainvillea flowers and bringing them to me as presents. He is forever exploring behind the bushes and in the "forest" behind our house. He has several secret hiding places to which he rapidly retreats when he hears me hollering for him.

WT is absolutely my son. We are cut from the same cloth. I suspect that is why we butt heads as often as we do and why he gets along so much better with his dad than me. But, I love him and admire him for his passion and fortitude.

Although several of you know the high drama surrounding his conception and birth, I will share all the ugly details here. I will preface the story by saying that WT is, first and foremost, a testament to modern medicine. My father calls him a wunderkind.

What follows is no fairytale. It is not for the faint of heart or stomach. If you've had enough, feel free to stop reading.

*** *** ***

I had two miscarriages in 1998, one in January and one in September. After the second one, my obstetrician, Dr. J, a specialist in maternal-fetal medicine (high-risk OB), ordered a slew of blood tests to find out why. She recommended we wait about 3 months before trying to get pregnant again. That didn't quite pan out because I got pregnant at the end of October 1998. My EDD was mid-July 1999.

I needed to see a high-risk OB because I developed a severe case of a variant of pre-eclampsia during my pregnancy with Wizard. The disease is called HELLP Syndrome. The acronym stands for:

H hemolysis
EL elevated liver enzymes
LP low platelet count
HELLP syndrome occurs in approximately 10% of pregnant women with pre-eclampsia or eclampsia. Severe cases involve high blood pressure and protein in the urine and can progress to seizures (eclampsia). Severe cases are life-threatening to both mother and fetus. HELLP syndrome is associated with more serious cases. It may occur long before a pregnancy reaches term. Many women have high blood pressure and are diagnosed with pre-eclampsia before they get HELLP syndrome. [from the National Library of Medicine]

About 25% of pregnant women develop pre-eclampsia, also incorrectly known as toxemia; it is basically pregnancy-induced hypertension. Approximately 0.2% of pregnant women develop HELLP syndrome. I had a 4% chance of developing HELLP Syndrome in a subsequent pregnancy.

The early part of WT's pregnancy was uneventful. No problems with blood pressure or gestational diabetes. Based on my experience with Wizard's pregnancy, I was looking for things to worsen around my 29th week or so. As I did with Wizard's pregnancy, I opted to have an amniocentesis with WT. WineGuy and I were fully aware of the risks of the procedure, but we felt that the benefits outweighed them. The procedure itself went well; the baby looked good. I rested for a while after the test, and then I picked Wizard (then 2.5 years) up at nursery school. We went to the grocery store later that afternoon, and I felt a gush of fluid between my legs. I thought that I forgot to go to the bathroom, but when I ran to the restroom I didn't have to go. Much later that evening when WineGuy and I were going to sleep, I felt another huge gush of fluid.

Panic time! Two amniotic fluid leaks in one day, following the amnio is a bad sign. WineGuy called Dr. J, who ordered us to the emergency room. We woke Wizard and dragged him, in his pajamas and winter boots, the 19 miles to the hospital. [N.B., the closest hospital was 2 miles away, but we lived in another town 19 miles from the major medical center where WG worked.] Dr. J took us up to her office for an emergency ultrasound. Not good: I had lost a significant amount of amniotic fluid, and the baby was in danger. Dr. J sidelined me immediately: complete bedrest and gallons of fluid everyday.

Because I couldn't rest and take care of Wizard, I hired Nanny, whom I had met the previous summer. She had just left that job and was available, thank G-d. Nanny took great care of me and Wizard for a month. By the end of February, my amniotic fluid level had returned to normal levels, so Dr. J removed my restrictions. I said goodbye to Nanny, but kept in close touch with her just in case. Right around that time I hired a new housekeeper, Amish Anna, who would end up working for us until we left Pennsylvania. She kept a close eye on me, too.

I was feeling pretty good in the early spring of 1999. I was having typical swelling of my hands and feet. My carpal-tunnel syndrome returned, but I wore my splints when necessary. We went away on a couple of trips, and I remember being really miserable at Jazzfest that year: swollen, out of breath, fatigued.

Week 27 arrived; my blood pressure was elevated, and I had protein spilling into my urine. That meant my kidneys were having problems. A 24-hour urine study revealed a marked decrease in kidney function. Further blood tests over the next week showed that both the pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome had returned.

Dr. J ordered me into the hospital at 29 weeks' gestation with the intent of delivering me as soon as she could stabilize me. Being hospitalized in Labor and Delivery – because of high-level monitoring and nursing care – tortured me. I remember lying in that damn, hard bed, completely whacked out by the magnesium sulfate (a smooth muscle relaxant used to treat PE and HELLP), listening to those women howl with labor pains. I was desperately trying to eke out just a little more womb-time for WT. Dr. J warned me if my condition worsened or did not stabilize she would deliver the baby to save both our lives. So, I laid there, sweating and feverish in a 68º room. The medicines made me feel crummy, but they worked. My blood pressure went down. My kidneys started functioning better, and my liver enzymes came down. The saddest thing was spending Mother's Day in the hospital. WineGuy fought me about bringing Wizard to see me, but I insisted. My MIL had come into town to help at home, and she convinced WineGuy to bring Wizard for a short visit. I was overjoyed to see my boy and hold him tight. I was sad to send him home so quickly.

A couple of days later, Dr. J said I was well enough to go home as long as I did nothing. WineGuy drove me home on a sunlit spring day. The air was filled with the scent of new-mown grass and flowers. I reveled to be outdoors for the first time in a week. I went home and stayed home. By that time, Nanny was able to come back to work for us. She and Amish Anna took wonderful care of us all.

Three days later, my symptoms returned: my belly hurt, my back hurt, everything was swollen badly. WineGuy rushed me right into Dr. J's office. She took one look at me and said, "We're delivering you TODAY." They wheeled me from obstetrics, through the locked psychiatric ward, right into Labor & Delivery. The descent into Hell began with another OB who was on-duty that day. I knew him and didn't like him, especially when he shoved his big hands inside of me trying to put a lead on the baby's head. That didn't work, so they tried external monitoring. I was so overweight and swollen that they could not get good readings on the baby that day. They tried everything to induce a vaginal birth because I really didn't want a C-section. However, as the day progressed, the baby's condition worsened: heartrate decelerations, poor movements, etc. I was rapidly deteriorating, too. Dr. J was on the phone all day with her mentor, a leading researcher in PE and HELLP. His final words were, "Get the baby out."

Around 6:30 p.m. on May 14, 1999, Dr. J came to WineGuy and me and said that induction failed and she needed to get the baby out. I turned to WG and agreed to the surgery. And all hell broke loose. I have never seen people move so fast. Within seconds, I was rolled down the hall to an operating room, hearing emergency pages for anesthesia and pediatrics to L&D: "Anesthesia, 99 to Labor and Delivery! Pediatrics, 99 to Labor and Delivery! Neonatology, 99 to Labor and Delivery!" 99 was "stat". I remember WineGuy taking the glasses off my face. I remember the anesthesiologist placing the mask over my face and saying, "Count back from 100, Mrs. WineGuy." 100-99-98 . . . the last thing I remember is the smell of the oxygen. And then there was nothing.

According to what WineGuy reluctantly told me and the hospital reports I read later on, I was in surgery for 2 hours. Dr. J got WT out within 10 minutes of starting, and peds rushed him down to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. I was in such bad shape that they had to give me 2 units of packed cells during surgery. When I finally woke up, I couldn't keep a thought in my head. I remember asking WineGuy several times what we had. Once my brain processed that information, I asked if he was alright. WineGuy told me the baby was alive and down in NICU, that the entire neonatology team was working to stabilize him, and that he was on a ventilator.

Into the next circle of Hell. On the day after surgery, the nurse got me into a wheelchair. WineGuy wheeled me down to NICU to see my son. It was awful. He weighed 2 pounds, 6.5 ounces at birth and was 15" long.* This precious miracle was in a diaper the size of my palm. He had tubes in his nose, leads on his chest, wires hooked up to every part of his body. He was wrapped in plastic wrap and on a warming bed just to keep his temperature stable. He wore a mask over his eyes to protect them from the special bili-lights for jaundice. I could not touch or hold my child. They allowed me to talk to him, but all I could do was cry. "What have I done to him?" I wailed. I was inconsolable. WineGuy had to take me back to my room.

The next day was worse because I had to get out of bed and on my feet. There is no worse pain than getting up after abdominal surgery, except for when they pull the drains out of the incision, maybe. The longer you wait the worse it is; I was two days post. The size 0 nurse kicked my sorry behind out of bed and told me to start getting better for my kids. She was right, but I nearly passed out. I stayed in the hospital for the remainder of the week, and WineGuy brought me home. I was thrilled to be with Wizard again, but we did not tell him about his brother. Frankly, we didn't know whether the baby would make it. Wizard only knew that I had gotten sick again, had an operation, and was home.

I relied on friends and acquaintances to take me to the NICU until I was cleared to drive. I made daily trips to the NICU to see the baby. I would talk to him and sing to him. It was all I could do. When WT was about a week old, I recall cornering the Chief of Neonatology and asking him whether I needed to be prepared to bury this child. Chief told me that this kid was a fighter but that we had a long road ahead of us. At that point I was ready to give the child his English name. His Hebrew name would have to wait until he was well enough to be circumsized.

Thus began WT's medical journey. He was on the ventilator for three weeks. He developed necrotizing enterocolitis, a common preemie intestinal disease which can kill the intestines. He started to learn to nurse but was pulled off oral feedings when the G-I problem re-occurred. He had echocardiograms to check his heart and scans to check his brain. He clotted off at least 6 different IV lines, including a Broviac cut-down that they tried to place in his femoral artery. WT still bears this scar today on his thigh. His medical chart was 2 inches thick and growing daily with all the medicines, nutrition, and supplemental therapies. Occupational and physical therapy started working with him right away.

Finally, when WT was about 5-6 weeks old, he finally started to hold his own. They moved him from the higher level of care into the NICU step-down unit. My dear friend, KellyB, a phenomenal NICU nurse, took care of him or looked in on him daily. She also threw me out of there when I had major cabin fever. Things started to look better, and the doctors were talking about releasing Wild Thing to go home. (It was only then we told Wizard that he had a baby brother.) The last thing WT needed before going home was surgery to repair bilateral inguinal hernias, which are common in preemies.

Wild Thing came home in July 1999. Nine weeks and nearly a quarter of a million dollars later, we brought our second son home to his big brother. He came home right around his original due date, and the fun began. There were daily visits to the neonatology clinic for feeding problems and weigh-ins. There were weekly visits to OT to help him reach his developmental milestones. There were monthly visits to the pediatric ophthalmologist for the retinopathy of prematurity WT had. There were the usual shots and doctor visits, but all with the hypervigilance that preemies require. This went on for months and months. I recall saying to someone, "I look forward to the day when I don't have to drive (the 19 miles) to Hospitaltown." But WT was healthy, and he was growing and soon he was a year old.

The neurodevelopmental pediatrician tested WT at 12 and 18 months and found expectable delays but no cognitive deficits. That's the most astounding thing: his brain is fine, and he's smart. WT finally "caught up" physically and intellectually. He may never have the natural strength that Wizard and Moose do, but he has perseverance to which they should aspire.

Wild Thing wants to be a doctor someday. Considering he is the family's medical consumer, it is appropriate. We gave him scrubs and a stethoscope for his birthday. Look at that happy face. "Paging, Dr. Wild Thing!"

Happy Birthday, Wild Thing! You are a wild and wonderful boy. May you live a long and healthy life!

*Apparently, he stopped growing at 29 weeks; he was listed as IUGR (intra-uterine growth retardation). Many months later, when I was brave enough to read the surgical pathology report, I found out that I had a placental infarct, i.e., 25% of WT's placenta died off during gestation. I don't know how or when it happened, but this adversely affected his growth and nutrition while he was in the womb.

Let's Waste Time With Harry Potter

2007-05-22T22:32:00.000-04:00

Like the rest of the world, I anxiously await the release of Book 7 and Movie 5. Actually, Wizard is more excited than I am, but I try to keep him in check. I found the following meme on A Squib's Life and thought I'd answer these questions myself.

Which would you prefer for a pet: Hedwig, Crookshanks, Trevor, Fang or Fawkes?

Crookshanks.

What would you see in the Mirror of Erised?

Me, at a comfortable size 12 or 14. WineGuy in size 44 pants. Everybody healthy and happy.

What subject would be your favorite at Hogwarts? (assume a nice and competent teacher): Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, Divination, Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures or Defense Against the Dark Arts?

Divination.

Which would be your least favorite?

Defense Against The Dark Arts: too much like courtroom litigation. You have to be really fast on your feet, and I am not.

In which House would the Sorting Hat place you?

Well, I couldn't decide for myself, so I went to Sorting-Hat.com:

I'm a Ravenclaw!

"Here in wise old Ravenclaw,
If you've a ready mind,
Those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind."

However, if you would describe me as brave, chivalrous, nervy and daring, then I might be a Griffindor.

Could you see Thestrals?

No.

Which Quidditch position would you prefer to play: Keeper, Beater, Chaser, or Seeker?

Beater.

Which magical object would be most useful to you, Sneak-o-scope, Foe Glass, Time-turner, Remembrall, or Pensieve?

Time-turner.

What would be your preferred Hogwarts sweet: Chocolate Frogs, Bertie's Every Flavor Beans, Acid pops, Cockroach cluster?

Acid Pops because I love sour candies.

Pumpkin juice, butterbeer, or elf-made wine?

Butterbeer.

Is your best friend more like Ron, Hermione, Luna, Neville, Ginny or Hagrid?

Hermione, absolutely.

Is the most toxic person in your life more like Lockhart, Snape, Umbridge, Malfoy, Filch or Fudge?

Umbridge.

Is your most embarrassing relative most like Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon, Dudley, or Percy Weasley?

Blood relative: Aunt Petunia
In-law: Percy Weasley.

What shape would your patronus take?

Badger.

What is Your Patronus? Version 1

Your Patronus is the Badger! The badger is a symbol of aggressiveness, passion and drive. He is also the mascot for Hufflepuff. As your Patronus, the Badger will bite and claw to protect you. Congratulations!That your Patronus is a badger says that you are very driven in whatever you do. When you enjoy something, you go at it with all of your heart. Unfortunately, you also tend to be aggressive, and this can lead to a bossy attitude. Try to keep that aggression in check, and you'll be a wonderful witch or wizard!
Take this quiz!

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What I'll Tell Alex Trebek

2007-05-20T21:26:00.001-04:00

Part of the Jeopardy application process and audition includes is a personal statement in which you share five interesting things about yourself. They could be your proudest accomplishments, your greatest desire, or embarrassing stories. I was unsure what I would write, but I certainly knew I would not recount any embarrassing stories . . . like the time I [deleted] or when I [definitely deleted!].

I wrote down a few thoughts and then called BFF. She was a law-school classmate and then became my roommate. She was Phi Beta Kappa as an undergraduate and an honors graduate from law school. She is much smarter than I am and is always the person to whom I turn when I need artful wordcraft. BFF helped me refine and polish my list.

Here's what I'll tell Alex Trebek (when and if I go to Los Angeles):

I have been singing in chorales for nearly 30 years. I have performed at Carnegie Hall and at the Kennedy Center. I perform regularly at the [Mytown] Philharmonic Center for the Performing Arts.
My hobby is food. I love to cook it, to read and write about it, and (obviously) to eat it. I aspire to hosting my own radio show or podcast or restaurant review column one day.
I desire to visit all seven continents and all 50 states. To date, I have traveled to four continents – Africa, Asia, Europe, North America – and 29 of the fifty United States.
I traveled halfway across the country only to meet and marry the proverbial "guy next door".
I am an attorney licensed to practice in two states, Florida and Pennsylvania, and three federal jurisdictions: U.S. District Court for the Middle District of Florida, U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Florida, U.S. District Court for the Middle District of Pennsylvania.

Did you know those things about me?

Jeopardy Audition

2007-05-18T20:59:00.000-04:00

All in all, the audition went well. I won't know if they have selected me for the contestant pool until (and unless) Jeopardy calls me to come to Los Angeles. Personally, I think I have a good chance.

THE BACKSTORY: I drove up to Orlando the day before the audition. I checked into the hotel and got up to my room only to realize I had left my cell phone in the car. Never fear, the valet guy retrieved it for me and delivered it to my room. I rested and relaxed until dinner time, and then I took myself out for sushi. Protein is brain-food, and I wanted every advantage. I hurried back to my hotel to watch Jeopardy that evening and practice ringing in. I read a little bit of my almanac that night and got a good night's sleep. The next morning, I had breakfast in my room and studied some more. I was feeling weak on U.S. Presidents and Vice Presidents, so I brushed up on those. I looked at world maps and capitals. I browsed a section on European Royalty, and it actually paid off in the audition. I checked out of my room, had a light lunch and hid myself away to calm my ever-increasing nerves by reading a novel.

My audition was called for 3:00 p.m., so I arrived a little before 2:30 p.m. I didn't really want to talk to these people, especially the turbo-geek who was studying his flashcards. [Learned from taking multiple bar exams: if you don't know it by the morning of the test, you're not going to learn it then.] A few of us got to talking and -- as usual for me -- I ran into someone I knew: another woman from my town, a stockbroker with a firm who does business with WineGuy's practice and who is one of his patients. Thankfully, we chatted about wine and food and took our minds off our nerves. BTW, DocThelma, she's a graduate of MBC.

THE AUDITION PROCESS

FIRST, a talent assistant informed us we'd be starting a little late because the morning sessions had run long. She laid out several papers we needed to pick up; then she directed us to a talent coordinator who took Polaroid pictures of us. We filled out Contestant Information forms and received blank answer sheets for the written test we would take later. Miss Talent Assistant tried to break the ice by finding out where everyone was from. There were lots of people from within an hour or two's drive. Three people boasted that they were from Jacksonville. I spoke up for my local contingent, saying "We live in [SW Florida city], and it's a 3.5 hour drive from here." That shut everyone up. Miss Talent Assistant started calling me "Miss [SW Florida city]"; I was very pleased to have been noticed. She mentioned they had just come from Washington, DC, where they held auditions the week before. I replied, "My friend, DocThelma, was at those auditions!" She asked me to remind her who DocThelma was, and I did, glowingly.

SECOND, we filed into the meeting room filled with conference tables. A digital projector was set up in the middle of the room. There were two conference tables up front, at which were seated two production assistants, the Senior Talent Coordinator and Tony Soprano, the talent assistant who had just taken our pictures. Tony Soprano got up and started lecturing about how to play Jeopardy: to phrase responses in the form of a question, to wait until the question is fully read before ringing in to answer, to show your potential as a contestant.

THIRD, Tony Soprano conducted an informal Jeopardy round, giving each person a chance to raise his/her hand and answer a question. Tony read the first question. I waited until he finished reading and then shot my hand up in the air. He called on me, complimented me on my timing, and told me I answered correctly. He encouraged us to raise our hands if we knew the answers to subsequent questions, but he would only call on each person once. I made sure I stayed within his sightline and raised my hand for nearly every question.

FOURTH, was the written test. I agree with DocThelma that this test was the same degree of difficulty as the online test. There were 50 questions, and the whole thing was computerized. Each question appeared in written form on the screen while the announcer, Charlie Gilbert, read it aloud. We had 8 seconds to respond to each question. They told us to write neatly and not to worry if we skipped on or got out of order because they would hand-grade each one. I got a bit nervous in the first 5 questions. I definitely knew the answers to 2 questions and guessed on the third . . . about British royalty, which I had reviewed in the almanac that morning!! The rest of the test went swimmingly well. The obscure stuff I knew easily. The easy stuff tripped me up on a couple of questions. There was a question about a company Google acquired in 2006; apparently a lot of people did not know the answer was YouTube. Duh. One question was about performing on-stage, and I drew a blank. (Duh on me.) I wrote an answer and prayed the correct one would pop into my head. It did after a few minutes, and I corrected my answer. Tony Soprano and Miss Talent Assistant collected our answer sheets, photographs, questionnaires, and personal information forms. They took the tests outside to grade them by hand, but they did not and will not give us our scores.

FIFTH, was the practice round. Every person got the chance to play a practice round of Jeopardy. They called us up to the front in groups of three. We got to hold an actual buzzer (it's really a clicker) and practice ringing in. As I predicted long ago, the key to winning at Jeopardy is how quickly and accurately you ring in. There is a real science to ringing in first, and I first read it in Michael Dupee's book, How To Get On Jeopardy ... And Win! You must scan the question quickly and formulate your answer while Alex Trebek reads the question aloud. As soon as he's finished, neon lights illuminate on the side of the Jeopardy board. The critical thing is to ring/click in repeatedly as soon as the lights go on. I rang in a few times and answered correctly.

SIXTH, was appearance, stage presence and personality. IMVHO, I was "all that" and more than most of my group (20 people, of which 5 were women). About appearance: we all received prior instructions to dress as if we were going to appear on TV. Most of the men were dressed in jacket and/or ties. Note to male contestants: regardless of your girth or size, wear clothes that fit you, that aren't too tight, too short, or too threadbare. One fat guy -- a dead ringer for Baby Huey -- failed in all those categories plus was wearing a tie that was at least 5 inches too short. A couple of men were dressed neatly but casually and looked presentable. The men spent a lot of time telling the talent scouts about the stuff they collected: war memorabilia, postcards, boring. Some of them had funny stories; the ones who had good stories and good speaking voices made great impressions.

Three of the five women there looked dreadful. The other hometown woman was an intelligent but weak-chinned woman in a drab grey business pantsuit. She spoke fairly well but looked weak overall. The other two women were from the Jacksonville area, where apparently they don't have decent hairdressers or clothing stores. The bigmouth from Harvard, in her red Sally-Jessy glasses thankyouverymuch, had on a crappy black t-shirt tucked into too-tight dress pants and sported a too-small sweater haplessly tied around her more-than-ample shoulders. She looked like she hadn't combed her hair that day at all. She spoke up but didn't answer too many questions in the practice round. The other woman was an accountant. Enough said. No? She looked to be in her late 40s with long, dishwater blonde hair pulled back in a Hillary Headband. That one forgot her reading glasses and wore her "vintage" prescription sunglasses so she could read the screen. She was in a red jacket that began as an Indian blanket, complete with pilling and pulled threads. She looked like a total dork, and her personal stories were dopey. Bzzzzzt -- next! The one other woman who was well-dressed and interesting appeared to be in her late 50s or early 60s. She was a handsome woman in a beautifully tailored, but drably colored, pants outfit. She was a former business executive who spoke very well and had an interesting story.

My appearance: I dressed in a bright red linen jacket (carefully pressed, PA Mom!) with a black Slinky tank and pants underneath. I had on a little bit of jewelry and took great care with makeup that morning, including my red lipstick. My hair was freshly clean and brushed and looking marvelous (thank you, David). I looked fabulous . . . but I need to start my diet now.

Stage presence and personality: I have loads of experience performing on-stage, and it doesn't phase me. I smiled a lot, spoke up and out often but in turn. I used my best stage voice in telling my personal stories. When asked what I would do with the money if I won on Jeopardy, I responded that I would endow a fund for the Cornell Chorus, where I earned my chops. Everyone else said they needed the money for their children's education or wanted to use it to travel . . . to places like Cooperstown and Europe. I said I wanted to take my family to Australia and New Zealand for a month and then, perhaps, to Israel. Like Mr. Sondheim said, "You gotta get a gimmick." And, Ms. Marcy Syms concurred, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression."

I am confident that I came across better than 98% of my group. I feel like I did as well on my written test as I did on the online test that brought me to Orlando. Now, it's just a waiting game. The odds are slim: over 125,000 people took the online test. Countless other people had live auditions in Los Angeles and elsewhere. There are only 400 contestant spots each year, and I auditioned towards the end of the process. Hopefully, that's a good thing.

The Senior Talent Coordinator explained that Jeopardy will call people from June 2007 through April 2008 from this contestant pool. They give you 2-3 weeks' notice for you to fly to LA for taping. They only tape on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, five shows each day. Each contestant is responsible for paying his airfare and hotel room, until he has won five times. Then, Jeopardy will pay for the return airfare. Third place winners receive $1000; second place winners receive $2000. As ABBA said, "The winner takes it all."

That's my story. I hope to compare notes with DocThelma. I hope we both get called to LA, but not on the same show.

Quick Update

2007-05-15T13:55:00.000-04:00

Jazzfest was lots of fun. More details to come later.

St. Louis was obligatory but enjoyable. No details needed.

Headed to Orlando tomorrow afternoon for my Jeopardy audition. Wish me luck! I read that only 10% of those who take the eligibility test qualify for an in-person audition. I'm off to fill out my contestant questionnaire now.

Check out another August Mom's new blog: Maine Mom now writes A Squib's Life. She'd love to have some new readers and your feedback. Welcome to the blogosphere, Squib!

In meteorological news, the national weather feeds have failed to cover the wildfires that have been plaguing SW Florida. A fire burned over 19,000 acres in a state forest about 10 miles from here. Smoke and fire jumped Alligator Alley (I-75 from Naples to Fort Lauderdale) and forced the road's closure several times last week, including right before our drive to Fort Lauderdale last Friday night. Fortunately, we've had a few rain showers in the last day that have calmed things down.

Popping In

2007-05-03T15:04:00.000-04:00

I realize it's been days since I last posted, and it's going to be a few days more before I get back into the routine of writing.

Briefly, we were in New Orleans for 5 days for the 38th Annual Jazz and Heritage Festival (Jazzfest). Our family makes this trip every year, and we had a great time. I'm drafting a post about our adventures in The Big Easy. It will have to wait until we return from a quick trip to St. Louis this weekend. WineGuy's niece is being Bat Mitzvahed there.

During the three days I'm home this week, I've had to do a ton of laundry and rehearse for the last chorale concert of the season. I should never have committed to sing this week, but I did, and I'm going to honor my commitment. Our alto section, which is normally about 20 voices, dropped to a measly 11 or 12 voices at dress rehearsal last night. However, I'm only singing one of three concerts, so the overall balance will suffer.

See you later!

Misheberach

2007-04-25T08:50:00.000-04:00

Misheberach is a Jewish prayer for healing. [Here's an audio clip of my favorite version by Debbie Friedman.] In my religious tradition, we believe not only should people, who are ill, pray for themselves, but also that the community should pray for them, too. Prayer is a great opportunity to connect with spiritual energy, and I have a few people who could use a cosmic boost right about now. I would appreciate you sending a few healing thoughts into the universe for these people.

One of the August Moms, Annapolis Mom, just reported abnormal findings on her mammogram, and her radiologist wasn't optimistic. She had a needle biopsy yesterday and is anxiously awaiting the results. We are all so worried for her, her husband and their young children. When you have a free moment today, would you please add the Annapolis Mom to your prayers?

I should add that there are two August Moms in the Annapolis area. The other mom is the World Traveler; her husband recently suffered an exacerbation of a chronic illness. Her family would appreciate your prayers, too.

The Family Blender's famlies are going through some serious emotional crises right now and could use a spiritual boost.

Finally -- and sounding like a broken record -- my father is in the hospital again with complications from the reversal of his colostomy. The connection site developed a hole, a fistula, that was not healing. Dad's doctors ordered IV feedings and medications through a PICC line. As of last weekend, he was doing better, and the hole was healing. The challenge will be for the connection site to hold tight when he starts eating solid food. Otherwise, he's headed for another surgery, one to revise the connection. Oh, and he has a huge abdominal hernia that probably won't be addressed because of the surgical damage to the abdominal wall. Please send one up for my parents, too.

I'm going to New Orleans and drown myself in a vat of boiled crawfish for a few days. I'll be back after JazzFest.

My Mac is Back

2007-04-24T12:59:00.000-04:00

I took my 20" iMac into our new Apple store yesterday. They replaced the logic board and power supply and ran a bunch of diagnostics. Everything is running perfectly well, now.

Big kudos to the Apple Store at the Waterside Shops. They repaired my computer in 1 day. Their geniuses are great, and their creative team is very nice. I keep thinking, "Wouldn't it be fun to work there?" Somebody slap me.

Time to clean my desk and pack for New Orleans. We leave for JazzFest tomorrow, and there's still laundry to finish. I have to pack myself, Wizard, Wild Thing, Moose, and the sleeping bags. They are responsible for packing their own backpacks. WineGuy will probably pack himself at the last minute.

Unless I find access to a computer while we're away, I will not post here for about another 6-7 days. No, I don't own a laptop, but WineGuy does. Not sure if he'll take it with him, though.

Catch A Quick Breath

2007-04-23T00:19:00.000-04:00

The last series of concerts went very well. I was so proud to sing a choral piece in Hebrew for the first time in my life. Several friends in the community said they saw the concert and loved it.

This week I must re-audition for my chorale. It shouldn't be a big deal, although I'm a bit concerned about the sight-singing. The conductor told us we would have to sing a bit from the big MGM Musicals pops concert repetoire the group performed in March. I learned the entire score, although not as thoroughly as I would have liked. (Remember that I could not sing those concerts because I was still sick.) I'm hoping as long as I can read the score and remember my part that I'll be OK. The other sight-reading will come from Bernstein's Chichester Psalms which we just performed. Thankfully, there is no written test this year.

I am meeting with my book club co-director to discuss books for next month's meeting. We are thinking about The Secret of Lost Things, by Sheridan Hay; Acceptance, by Susan Coll; Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert; and Suite Française, by Irene Nemirovsky. I picked up Lost Things at the bookstore last week and read a few pages. Looks like it will be a captivating story. Several friends read Gilbert's book and loved it, although our group just read a non-fiction book 2 months ago. I'm anxious to read Nemirovsky's book, too. We read The Space Between Us (by Thrity Umrigar) last month, but no one could make the meeting to discuss the book. Needless to say, we're going to add a few new members to the group to enliven the discussion.

WineGuy's car goes into the shop tomorrow. That should read: I am taking his car in to be serviced; I am picking up the loaner; and, then I am driving the boys to school. WineGuy just needs to remember to take my car in the morning. I'm also supposed to take my iMac to the new Apple Store for a check-up. It's been having kernel panic attacks and crashing, which is very un-Maclike. I ran a couple of diagnostics today and backed up my entire system. I haven't had any more crashes or panics today, so I might just postpone my appointment until 2 weeks from now.

Why two weeks? Because we are leaving for a five-day trip to New Orleans on April 25th. It's our family's annual pilgrimage to the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival. JazzFest is the ultimate musical excursion! Every year, during the last weekend of April and the first weekend of May, stars of the musical world descend on The Big Easy to ply their trade. There is non-stop music from 11:00 a.m. until 7:00 p.m. daily at the Fairgrounds Racetrack in Mid-City. There is traditional Dixieland Jazz, modern jazz, gospel, zydeco, rock & roll, rap, you name it. We are particularly psyched to hear Bonnie Raitt this year. Last year, in the aftermath of Katrina, JazzFest rose again like the proverbial phoenix. Jimmy Buffett buoyed the crowd and gave everyone hope for the entire Gulf Coast. Oh, and we will eat crawfish, oysters, softshell crabs, sweet tea, snowballs, and everything else under the sun.

After we get back from New Orleans, I have exactly 3 days to wash clothes and get everyone packed for a weekend trip to St. Louis. WineGuy's niece will be Bat Mitzvahed the first weekend of May. The following weekend WineGuy's step-niece will be Bat Mitzvahed in Fort Lauderdale; that's a quick evening trip. The following week I go to Orlando to audition for Jeopardy, and then WineGuy is supposed to attend a convention in DC in late May.

In the midst of all that chaos, I need to plan Wild Thing's 8th birthday party. It will probably be a movie party with his best friend, like we did last year. WT and friend would like to see "Shrek The Third". And, that's not all: we have a Bar Mitzvah to attend locally over Memorial Day Weekend. My niece will be Bat Mitzvahed in DC in June.

A quick breath is about all I have time for. So, what's new with you?

Campus (In)Security

2007-04-18T17:02:00.000-04:00

Sacred halls became scared halls. Hallowed walls became hollow walls.

The massacre at Virginia Tech highlights the problem of how schools keep students safe on campuses across the nation. Virginia Tech appeared to do everything right: they have a campus police force, they have crisis intervention programs, their professors and students file complaints about other students as necessary. Campus police records showed there were two complaints filed against the Seung Cho in late 2005. The police first characterized Cho's behavior as "annoying" but not harassing. Cho then sent apparently harassing instant messages to a second student, who subsequently filed a complaint. That complaint led to Cho being involuntarily committed to a mental hospital under a suicide watch. Still, this kid didn't come up on the university's radar. Cho's erratic behavior and violence-themed schoolwork alarmed two professors enough to report him to school administration. University counseling knew about this disturbed student, but neither they nor campus police did anything to remove him from campus, stating that they were helpless until Cho actually threatened or hurt someone. Cho also sent alarming photographs, video and writings to NBC News, but no one was able to stop him. Unbelievable.

Here was a kid who exhibited every single classic warning sign of potential violent behavior, whose actions were documented in some fashion by university administration, by campus police and by the local mental health community, and no one stopped him. This was not like Columbine, where the students' violent proclivities were virtually unknown. Cho bought not one but two handguns in the month prior to the shootings, yet this did not raise any kind of red flag with state or federal enforcement agencies. His firearms applications had to show that he lived on-campus at a state university. Law enforcement should have notified the university that a student had recently purchased firearms.

Virginia Tech was feckless in its management of the student, his problems, and the imminent crisis. The school's ombudsman should have seen the complaints from the professors and students, the reports from university counseling, and the notice of involuntary commitment from the mental hospital; then, Virginia Tech should have removed Cho from campus. The university should have notified Cho's parents that their son was a danger to himself and to his community, and the parents should have had the son committed. The parents and their community should have pressured Cho to voluntarily commit himself and get the help he desperately needed.

By the way, where were his parents in all of this? Why didn't they pull their kid out of school or pressure him into a treatment program? The parents must have known their son was having problems at school; the university should have notified them early on. If one of your children was causing a problem at school, wouldn't you want to know about it? Wouldn't you do something about it? I certainly would.

Mark my words: the victims' families will file a flurry of lawsuits against the university for negligent supervision, failure to provide adequate security, and wrongful death. The university is liable. This is going to cost Virginia Tech millions, not to mention the damage to its reputation.

Finally, back to the issue I first raised. How do we keep kids safe at school? Should schools build walls around their campuses and security-screen everyone who passes through the gate? That might work on urban and suburban campuses, but it seems out-of-place on rural campuses. The answer is far more subtle: schools -- primary, secondary and university -- should have people watching all the time, using security cameras, using clothed security officers, using civilian task forces. Schools should have ombudsmen who collect campus and community reports about problem students, and the ombudsmen should dismiss them from campus. Law enforcement agencies should report to universities firearms purchases by their students -- why does a college student need a handgun? two handguns? I despise most civilian and recreational use of weapons, so gun control laws should be more restrictive. Psychiatric commitments should last longer than 72 hours, and patients should be released into treatment facilities instead of back into the community. Parents need to know what's going on in their children's lives; they need to stay in touch regularly with their college students and be advised when there is a problem.

Because if it were my kid, I would want to know. And, I would want to help him before he hurt himself or someone else.

Be Back Soon

2007-04-17T01:35:00.000-04:00

I have some new readers whom I met at a writer's conference at our local public radio station last week. In the midst of another parental health crisis, another slate of chorale concerts, and the looming tax deadline, I have had no time (and little motivation) to post. I apologize. Let me get my taxes signed and mailed, and I'll post an update.

Rambling Mom, I don't know how you do taxes for a living. You deserve a medal for your heroic efforts at this time of year ... and for everything else you handle. [grin] I agree with Robert Cray, "I hate taxes."

Update: I was up until 2:30A this morning reviewing our return. After having copying everything, I had coffee with Calvin. She reminded me to redo part of the return and take another, thankfully large, deduction for something. I redid everything, transferred money from one bank to another to cover the taxes, went to the post office for a stamp for my envelope -- love those automated postal machines, went to WineGuy's office to have him sign (again), made copies of everything (again), drove through the main post office and dropped my large envelope (and large check) in the mailbox. It should have been picked up first thing this afternoon. Afterwards, I engaged in a little retail therapy at the makeup counter (mascara and a lip pencil, which shows great restraint) and at the bookstore.

Back in the swing of things on the morrow.

Monday's Meme 4/9/07

2007-04-09T10:20:00.000-04:00

Since most of the August96 Moms have used this recently, I figured I'd swipe it, too. Here's a glimpse into my mundane life.

1. Explain what ended your last relationship.

It hasn't ended. WineGuy and I have been married for nearly 15 years.

2.When was the last time you shaved?

Last Wednesday evening.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8 am?

Dozing and watching the morning news.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?

Checking email instead of doing laundry.

5. Are you any good at math?

Yes.

6. Your prom night, what do you remember about it?

I remember everything! I was the Prom Chairman. My date was Sean B. My dress was yellow chiffon with purple and pink painted flowers; it came from Garfinkels. We had dinner at L'Escargot, and the dance was at the Shoreham. The theme was "Always and Forever", and the favors were miniature brandy snifters.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?

No, but WineGuy does.

8. Have you had to take a loan out for school?

Yes, I took student loans out for college and eventually paid them back. I took a loan out for a law school summer course and took my sweet time paying it back.

9. Last thing received in the mail?

A copy of the Chorale's recent announcements.

10. How many different beverages have you had today?

None, I haven't eaten yet.

11. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?

Chuck Mangione.

12. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?

No.

13. What’s the most painful dental procedure you’ve had done?

Root scaling and planing , done several times by the periodontist.

14. What is out your back door?

Depends on which door ... most likely the garbage cans.

15. What did you do last night?

Watched "The Amazing Race" and worked the Sunday NYT crossword puzzle with WineGuy.

16. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?

I don't really care.

17. Have you ever received one of those big tins with 3 different kinds of popcorn?

Yes, I love popcorn, esp. cheese popcorn.

18. Have you ever been to a planetarium?

Yes, in Boston and in Philadelphia last summer.

19. Do you re-use towels after you shower?

Yes.

20. Something you are excited about?

My Jeopardy audition in May 2007.

21. What is your favorite flavor of jell-o?

I truly despise Jell-o, except for when I'm a patient in the hospital. Then, and only then, I will eat green (lime) Jell-o.

22. Describe your key chain..

It is a leather strap with a brass ring and a brass clip, made by Coach.

23. Where do you keep your change?

In the zippered change purse in my wallet.

24. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?

Either at WineGuy's surprise party last month or in front of the Chorale sometime last month, too.

25. What kind of winter coat do you own?

Winter coat? What's that? Haha, I have two: a black down parka and a red wool dress coat.

26.. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?

Closed, to keep the cats out.

27. Do you love someone right now?

Yes, I do!

28. Have you ever cheated on someone?

No, I couldn't live with myself.

29. Do you have a crush on someone right now?

No.

30.How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Last time I counted, it was about 35-40 pairs. I know, I sound like Imelda, but for me that's a relatively small number. When I was younger, single, thinner, and before kids, I had dozens of pairs of shoes.

Budding Politician

2007-04-06T00:08:00.000-04:00

The seders are done. The guests have gone home. The china and crystal are put away, and the dining room table has shrunk back to its daily size. This morning, I asked the boys to pick up their rooms because the housekeeper was supposed to come today. Some 5 hours later, Wild Thing and Moose come downstairs announcing their rooms are clean. These two are bad influences on each other and will play instead of clean.

A few minutes later, I hear WT yelling at Moose, "You owe me that money. Give it to me! I want that $20!" Huh?? Where did the little monster get $20 and what was his deal with WT? Wizard comes running into the room to explain everything, but I tell him to be quiet.

Me: Moose, did you clean your own room?
Moose: Yes.
WT: He did not!
Me: Who cleaned it?
WT: I did but ...
Me: Thank you for helping him.
WT: No, I cleaned his whole room. He offered to pay me $20 if I cleaned his room for him. He had the money in his hand.
Me (incredulous): He offered to pay you $20 to clean his room? Moose, where did you get that kind of money? [I'm thinking he swiped it out of my purse.]
Moose: Remember, Mom, the grocery store lady gave it to me on my birthday? [True.]
Me: So, pay WT.
Moose: I did pay him.
WT: No, he didn't!
Me: Where's the money?
Moose: I don't know. The last I saw it it was on the bathroom counter, near the toilet.
WT: He flushed the money down the toilet and never paid me! It's not fair! I cleaned his whole room and put all his laundry away.
Me (trying not to laugh): Well, now. WT, you can have your choice of extra TV or computer time for helping your brother so much today. Moose, you are not going swimming with your brothers later today.

Vote for Moose! He makes promises he can't keep. He ~~pisses~~ flushes money away. He hardly tells the truth about anything. And, he's cute.

Moose has all the makings of a fine politician.

Festival Meals

2007-04-04T14:33:00.000-04:00

Jewish festival meals take a very long time to prepare. To illustrate, I was on my feet, in the kitchen cooking for 16 hours straight this past Sunday evening. It's my own fault, in part, because I should have been cooking and freezing throughout March so there wouldn't be a last-minute crush. However, the bronchitis and coughing took so much out of me, I didn't have the time or desire to cook other than preparing dinners here in The Zone.

What I cooked on Sunday sounds like the list from Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar:

two Spinach and Vegetable Kugels
two Apple Matzah Kugels
one Ashkenazi Charoset
one Sephardi Charoset
one Orange Cake
one extra batch of chicken stock (nearly 2 gallons)
18 hard-boiled eggs
one batch of Fruit Compote in Red Wine
Tzimmes

Some explanations of what things are and why we eat them at Passover; the Passover Haggadah (story and prayerbook read at the Passover table) commands Jews to eat certain foods at this time of year. A kugel is a souffle- or pudding-like dish. It is often made with noodles or potatoes. At Passover time, kugels made with matzah farfel (bits) or matzah meal and fruits or vegetables are popular side dishes. Charoset is a mixture of fruits, nuts and wine and is required by the Haggadah. Traditional Ashkenazi Charoset calls for sweet apples, chopped walnuts, cinnamon and sweet wine. I hate it. I made my version with Granny Smith apples, walnuts, cinnamon and dry red wine. Sephardi (Mediterranean and Asian) Charoset is a mixture of dried fruits, walnuts, cinnamon, honey and wine. My Sephardi Charoset was a big hit!

Jews do not use any leavening at Passover, so cakes are always made with lots of eggs and sugar plus ground walnuts or almonds and other flavors. Passover desserts are notoriously dry, so fruit compotes are also popular to add flavor and moisture. We eat hard-boiled eggs at Passover to symbolize re-birth and fertility, but we dip them in salt water to remind us of our ancestors' plight in Egypt. As the Haggadah says, "Once we were slaves. Now we are free."

Although not prescribed in the Haggadah, chicken soup is an essential part of the Seder meal for many Jews, especially those of Ashkenazi [Eastern European] heritage. --The New York Times Passover Cookbook (Linda Amster, ed.)

If it's Passover in my house, there is homemade chicken soup. I use big, fat chickens, fresh herbs and spices, fresh vegetables, and I cook it all day. I strain the soup and chill it, then I de-fat it so there are no greasy globules floating on the top. All that is left is goldene yoich, a rich golden broth. No matzah ball mix around here either; I make them all from scratch. I make them light and fluffy – the way I like them – not leaden and heavy like WineGuy likes them. And, finally a comment on tzimmes. As I learned shortly after my marriage, tzimmes means different things to Jews depending on their country of origin.

In my family, tzimmes is a long-stewed mixture of carrots, raisins and brown sugar, a Polish tradition. In WineGuy's family, tzimmes is a mixture of short ribs, sweet potatoes and prunes cooked dead, a Lithuanian tradition. A funny tzimmes story: shortly after we were married the In-Laws came to visit us. MIL was so excited to bring her boy a big pot of homemade tzimmes. She walked in and announced, "I brought tzimmes!" I was so excited; I could already taste those carrots and raisins. When I opened the pot, I croaked, "What ~~the hell~~ is this ~~crap~~? This isn't tzimmes. Where are the carrots? Where are the raisins?" WineGuy gently ~~rebuked~~ reminded me, "This is the we make tzimmes in my family." I smiled graciously and removed my foot from my mouth and vowed never to cook that gut-busting stuff in my kitchen. As an aside, MIL and FIL arrived here this weekend bearing tzimmes. It went right in the freezer; WineGuy can eat it sometime when I'm not around. He doesn't have the heart to tell his mother he doesn't really like it. Touché!

This is what I served for our first Passover seder of 2007 (reviews):

Hard-Boiled Eggs with Salt Water: the water was too salty
Gefilte Fish with Sliced Carrots, served on a bed of lettuce (prepared according to my family's recipe)
Matzah Ball Soup: homemade stock and matzah balls made with schmaltz, from scratch: needed more seasoning
Braised Brisket, trimmed and de-fatted, with jus: moist and delicious
Spinach Vegetable Kugel: not great and stricken from the recipe file
Roasted Asparagus: great
Orange Cake, dusted with confectioner's suger: a surprise hit
Fruit Compote in Red Wine: another winner

In addition to cooking all that food and setting the table and having to endure Florida BIL and his insipid common-law wife (another story completely) -- "We don't like your Passover wine, We want the [disgustingly sweet Manischewitz] wine we brought." And, "Why didn't you serve the sliced bananas and papaya we brought from our garden?" As well as her matzah farfel stuffing that was wrong in so many ways: greasy, swimming in butter (not appropriate with a meat meal), and cooked dead. I also washed all the dishes: fine china, crystal, silverware, pots, pans, everything. Why? Because it was also the night of the NCAA Men's Basketball Final Game, which WineGuy wanted to watch. After starting around 9:00 a.m. that day, I finally sat down around 10:30 p.m. in time to watch the second half of the game. I took two Advil as a nightcap.

The next morning I crawled out of bed and into the kitchen to make breakfast for everyone. I made 5 matzah brei (rhymes with "dry"). A matzah brei is a "pancake" made with scrambled eggs and softened, crumbled matzah. You eat it savory (salt, pepper, butter) or sweet (cinnamon, sugar, syrup, butter). SIL and BIL arrived over an hour later, and we finally sat down to breakfast. My FIL, the laziest Jewish man you've ever met, wandered in another hour later and headed straight to our pool. He would eat later. Thankyouverymuch for making me serve twice, clean up twice, and cater to your old ass. In the meantime, I was scrambling to baste my turkey and tend to dinner for the second seder.

Here is what I served for the second Passover seder of 2007:

Hard-Boiled Eggs with Salt Water: the water was only a little salty today
Gefilte Fish with Sliced Carrots, served on a bed of lettuce
Matzah Ball Soup
Roast Turkey: moist and delicious, including the white meat
Apple Matzah Kugel: delicious and popular all around
Roasted Balsamic Vegetables: great flavor, except for the endive, now struck from the recipe
Orange Cake
Passover Brownies: dried out nasty things sent by WineGuy's religious brother
Coconut Macaroons, by Manischewitz: boring and leaden, but traditional

I'd had enough cooking and didn't feel like baking for the second night. People hated those store-bought brownies and were looking for more of my Orange Cake. Yay! Afterwards, we all cleared the table, and WineGuy did the dishes. FIL actually offered to help: I gave him a dishtowel and a chair and said, "Howdja like to dry some dishes?" He did a very nice job. MIL helped, too, although she is forbidden to touch the crystal. She drops things. 'Nuff said.

This morning, I took my time getting into the kitchen because I knew I didn't have to cook much today. I made one fresh matzah brei for my in-laws and warmed up yesterday's for the kids. My in-laws left in the late morning, and I've been here with the boys. They helped me put away the good dishes and break down the dining room table. They wiped the kitchen table and vacuumed the floor, so I let them go on the computer. Now, they're watching TV, which allows me to catch up with my blog-faithful.

To my Jewish friends and readers: I wish you a Happy and Kosher Passover.
To my Christian friends and readers: I wish you a blessed Easter.
To all: May Spring come soon to your corner of the world and with it the promise of new beginnings.

Passover's Coming

2007-03-28T11:33:00.000-04:00

Passover and a house full of company arrive next week, so today's chores involve cooking. Lots of cooking. I've just printed out a bunch of Passover recipes to peruse, but the most pressing task is the chicken soup. I make my matzah ball soup (and matzah balls) from scratch, and the soup must be made in advance – so that it can be strained, cooled, de-fatted, and frozen to keep until next week. I can't stand fatty chicken soup!

Also on today's cooking list is the brisket . . . not that salty, overcooked shoe leather that passes for brisket in most families. No, this is adapted from David Rosengarten's Wagyu (Kobe) brisket recipe. I know, I know, you're screaming, "Kobe brisket? Are you crazy? It costs a fortune!" Actually not. The cheaper cuts of Kobe beef (brisket, chuck, etc.) are only a dollar or two more per pound than regular beef. When cooked, the cheap cuts of Kobe beef are unbelievably good. Trust me! Look for the recipes on The Need To Feed.

In the meantime, I need to review what I need for the ceremonial meals (Passover seders) and make my grocery list. My favorite aunt gave me her recipe for doctoring gefilte fish, and I need to get that going, too. The housekeeper will come twice this week; once to clean, wash and polish everything in the breakfront, and once to clean the house. I have no idea whether WineGuy's family will be staying here – my parents and brothers won't come. Last I heard, the in-laws had made reservations to stay at some crappy motel 30 minutes away. Don't ask, don't tell, I suppose.

Surprise!

2007-03-26T16:21:00.000-04:00

WineGuy had a wonderful 50th birthday! The celebrations started a couple days early, when a drug rep brought him a decadent chocolate mousse cake from Norman Love's shop. The next day, WineGuy's office staff brought in food from his favorite Greek restaurant for lunch. They showered him with lots of funny "over the hill" gifts as well as a custom-engraved bottle of Hess Collection Cabernet Sauvignon, a gift certificate to our favorite sushi restaurant, and a gift certificate to the fancy hotel restaurant where I hosted his party the following evening.

WineGuy's actual birthday dawned sunny and bright. His friends, The Radiologist and The Writer, got bumped from their connecting flight the night before, so they flew in and joined us at a MLB Spring Training game in the early afternoon. I had previously arranged with the stadium's PR office to broadcast a "Happy Birthday" announcement during the game. WG was tickled.

The big surprise came later that evening, when we planned to meet The Radiologist and The Writer at the fancy hotel for dinner. I had arranged for us to meet them in the lobby at the appointed time. WG and I got there a couple minutes early, and he started whining about hating sitting in the lobby when we could be comfortably seated at our table. I kept quiet saying only, "They'll be here any minute." They arrived right on time, and we walked over to the restaurant. The F&B Guy came over and asked for the name and reservation. He first said he didn't recognize the name, then he "found" the reservation. He noted that the dining room was full and led us to a private room. I walked in first, followed by our guests and WineGuy. "SURPRISE!!!" everyone yelled. And, he was. He looked so happy and genuinely touched. He was astonished to see our closest friends there, standing around drinking great wine and nibbling appetizers.

We sat down at the table, and there was champagne all around. I asked The Radiologist to stand up and make a toast. The Radiologist spoke about knowing WG for 30 years and sharing many of life's milestones together. The Writer added that she cherished a friendship that weathered time and tide. We ordered dinner and starting drinking and chatting. The evening flew by in a blur of laughter, good wine, good food and good friends.

Sometime between entreés and dessert, WineGuy stood up and made a speech. He is a terrific extemporaneous speaker. He acknowledged each and every person who was there, saying something nice or funny or poignant about each one. There were kudos to long-time friends and new friends, to drinking buddies, and fellow foodies. He reserved the loveliest words for me, his "wonderful wife," as he put it, "who arranged this great party and kept it a complete surprise. I couldn't ask for more." I was misty-eyed.

'Round midnight, the first of our friends rose from the table to leave. I couldn't believe how late it was, how happy WineGuy was, and how drunk I was. I thanked everyone for accepting the last-minute invitation and making it a memorable evening. A couple people stayed behind and helped us take down the decorations and collect the gifts. Hey people, I said "No Gifts!" We stuffed the huge bunches of balloons into my car and drove the two miles home s-l-o-w-l-y. We got home, unloaded everything, and crawled into bed. I was bone-tired from running around all day. WineGuy had "other things" in mind. Ahem . . . you can't refuse a guy on his birthday, after all.

[cut to Sunday morning] I was wrecked all day. Cole Porter was so wrong when he wrote "I get no kick from champagne. Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all." Champagne bubbles are wonderful from the tongue to the toes, but they cause a murderous hangover the next day. I'm just saying.

This is Jeopardy!

2007-03-23T09:51:00.000-04:00

I'm auditioning for Jeopardy! It's my all-time favorite game show, and I am finally getting a chance to try out. I am going to audition in Orlando, Florida in the middle of May. I am so excited, I'm sputtering.

How did this come about? Several weeks ago, the show announced they would offer tests online to try out. I missed the East Coast date and took the test online on the West Coast date. I had no idea how I did. Doc Thelma, an August96 Mom with a subscribers-only blog, told me she auditioned this year also. Several days ago, Doc Thelma posted that she was invited to the Washington, DC audition later this spring. I was happy for her but disappointed that I wasn't chosen. WineGuy was pestering me about something last night and prompted me to check my email.

Lo and behold! There was the message from the Jeopardy Contestant Department, congratulating me and inviting me to an audition appointment two months' hence. They are very strict about this procedure. I had to respond to their email within a specified time and in a specified format. If I failed to do so, I would probably lose the opportunity. They set the audition time and place, and it appears largely non-negotiable. Of course, Miami would have been two hours closer and a lot more convenient, but I can handle a quick trip to Orlando.

I've already informed WineGuy that he's taking the day off of work so I can go. I'll drive up to Orlando the night before and check into a hotel. My audition is not until 3:00 p.m., so I'll have some time to rest up and study (?) and practice. I'll drive home afterwards.

OMG, I have to study. And practice with a clicker. I am fully aware that there is a timing issue between the reading of the clue and the click to answer. Help, help, help! Does anyone have any tips on preparing for a Jeopardy audition? I need to do some research on the Internet and maybe Amazon.

Wish me (and Doc Thelma) good luck!

Design, Edit, Print, Print, Print

2007-03-20T12:14:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I actually did as I planned. I wrote all of Moose's thank-you notes for all his birthday presents, including the ones he received a month ago. I need to go buy some more stamps (before the price increases, grrr).

This morning I sat at the computer and designed placecards for WineGuy's party. I use Print Shop 2 for almost all my projects. I had problems centering the designs properly in the printable area. Then I kept turning the paper the wrong way and printing over sections that were already done. Very frustrating! I want to know why printing programs don't print things the way you see them on the screen. Particularly with Print Shop, I need to remember that the print image on the screen will come out upside down from the printer. For cards and things it's not a problem, but for printing business card templates – and selected cards at that– it's a hassle.

When I finished with the placecards, I made gift tags for the party favors to be set at each place. I'm giving out small boxes of Norman Love chocolates. Without a doubt, these are the best chocolates anywhere. Period. Don't argue with me. Norman Love used to be a pastry chef with the Ritz Carlton for years. A few years ago, he opened his own chocolate factory in an industrial park near the Fort Myers, Florida airport. He has since expanded into his own building, complete with a Chocolate Salon next door. These are the finest quality chocolates with the finest quality fillings you've ever had. I mean, when was the last time you had chocolate filled with passionfruit?? Simply exquisite. I'll head out to Norman Love's tomorrow after I go to the wine store to choose a special bottle for WineGuy.

Busy, busy, busy. Too bad my desk is still a disaster.

Potential Felonies Averted

2007-03-19T19:57:00.000-04:00

Last night WineGuy got on the phone with his med school buddy (The Radiologist) to plan the dinners and outings while he and his wife are here. WineGuy insisted we could not go to the fancy hotel for dinner because we took The Radiologist and The Writer, his wife, there on their first night here last year. WineGuy sat here, breathing down my neck, until I called a different restaurant and made reservations for Saturday night, March 24th. Aieeeeeeeeee! I wanted to strangle WineGuy for mucking up my plans.

I thought The Radiologist raised the issue of the restaurant, so I very politely sent a "pointed" email to The Writer saying how much we are looking forward to their visit but that I was going to shoot The Radiologist for messing with my plans. She wrote back, very apologetic, and offered me a way out. The Radiologist called me this morning with the perfect ruse for WineGuy: tell him The Writer absolutely loved the fancy hotel and was anxious to go back there for dinner. WineGuy bought it hook, line, and sinker. So, I don't have to worry about any potential victims of premeditated murder. Of course, I might have been able to argue manslaughter, but that's beside the point.

I had a meeting with the assistant food and bev. director at the hotel today. He and I discussed the menu, and he was willing to make slight alterations to fit my needs. I have a meeting tomorrow afternoon with the sommelier to choose the wines. Their prices are high, but I'm going to ask them to knock off some money for quantity. I can already see I'll be spending a fortune on wine that night because all our guests are either avid wine drinkers or wine connoisseurs.

The hotel will design and print menus for me. I need to make a seating chart and place cards. F&B Guy will put up the few decorations I have and set out the balloon bouquets. I'm toying with making an iDVD or iMovie presentation on my Mac, but I don't have a scanner. It may be too much for me to do this week. I'll have to see. I think I'm going to make up a WineGuy birth year and life trivia quiz for our guests; I'll give away a bottle of our own wine for the high score.

Any other party suggestions? I'm open to them.

Moose's 5th Birthday Party

2007-03-18T23:52:00.000-04:00

We had Moose's 5th birthday party on Saturday afternoon, March 17th. It was an incredibly busy day: WineGuy chanted his Haftorah portion during Sabbath services in the morning. Wizard and I left shortly thereafter to go to Wizard's lacrosse practice. Afterwards, Wizard and I picked up platters of chicken tenders and fruit at the grocery store and a bouquet of balloons at the party store. We drove home to change clothes and get everything ready for the party. Wild Thing and Wizard helped load the car and the cooler. Moose ran around wild and crazy. We finally piled into two cars and drove down to the local miniature golf course.

It was a breezy, sunny afternoon, just perfect for an outdoors party. Hardly any of our guests showed up on time, so I grouped the kids into foursomes as they arrived. Each child had at least one parent stay, so there were plenty of chaperones. The kids were so cute playing mini golf! Some got the hang of putting the ball. Others, especially the little girls, grew frustrated with the activity and chose to just kick or roll their golf balls on the course. It was too funny! I ran around trying to take some pictures.

After about 45 minutes of play, we gathered on the deck, where I set out the platters of chicken and fruit. The kids and parents had a late snack. By then, the wind had picked up, and the kids were getting cold. We went into the screened patio for birthday cake. The mini golf place took care of everything. They ordered Moose a pirate cake; they provided balloons and paper goods; they gave us free passes to hand out as party favors. One of the employees (an older gent) is a patient of WineGuy's. He and the young guys working that afternoon took great care of us and were just terrific. [I tipped them well.]

After cake, I handed out the custom-designed t-shirts and mini-golf passes. At first, my friends weren't quite sure what I handed them, all rolled up and tied in bows. One woman unrolled the shirt, and everyone just flipped over the t-shirts. "Where did you get them?" they all asked. "Wizard and I designed and made them ourselves!" Everyone was amazed. I had Tootsie Pop bouquets for the older siblings who joined us that afternoon. I figured they wouldn't want a t-shirt with a 5 year-old's picture on it. Those were a hit, too.

I had planned the party for two hours in the late afternoon, but we finished early. The party actually lasted about 1 hour and 30-45 minutes. We were packed up and on our way home at the two-hour mark. We opened Moose's gifts at home later that evening. He received a few board games – Operation, Clue Jr., Scrabble Jr., Great States Jr. – that look good. There were several Transformers. I don't understand their appeal, but Moose likes them. One friend gave Moose a 400-piece K'Nex set. It's going back immediately. Another friend gave Moose a frog Webkin, which he should like.

I need to whip out those thank-you notes before I get bogged down with WineGuy's party later this week. Our out-of-town friends are about to screw it all up – and WineGuy told me to change the reservation for dinner – but I'm not changing a darn thing. I'll make up some fib to get us where we need to be at the last minute. More details about potential felonies in another post to follow.

I Can Be Productive

2007-03-16T17:02:00.000-04:00

I am a great procrastinator, but sometimes I can be really productive. Like today, for instance. I woke up early and baked another kugel for the synagogue's luncheon tomorrow. While that was in the oven, I printed up t-shirt transfers to make party favors for Moose's 5th birthday party tomorrow. Wizard monitored the printing and laid all the transfers out to dry while I ironed 14 white t-shirts. Let me tell, I don't ordinarily iron t-shirts, but the instructions said I had to. So I did.

After I took the kugel out of the oven, I began ironing the transfers on the shirts. This was a slow methodical process that was kind of hard on my messed-up hands. Center and align the sheet, then iron on high heat. Press, press, press carefully in one direction. Press, press, press, carefully in another direction. My brainstorm was putting the t-shirt on the cold tile floor to cool off. Once the transfers were cool, Wizard peeled off the backing and checked each shirt. Wizard wanted to try ironing, so I let him. He did a great job, finishing 7 shirts in the time I ran to Wal-Mart for more ribbon. We all took a break for lunch and then finished the shirts. Wizard rolled them up carefully, according to my instructions and I tied them with brightly colored grosgrain ribbon and tagged them.

Once that project was done, I turned my attention to Wild Thing's community project that is due on Monday, March 19th. He is supposed to use things around the house to create a building in our community. Not surprisingly, the teacher gave WT a hospital to build. I downloaded some pictures and logos of our local hospital and made little signs for the main entrance and emergency room. I taped two small boxes together to make a big building and cut out parts of the boxes to make WT's hospital look just like our community hospital. Then, I turned the project over to Wizard to ~~practically do by himself~~ oversee WT's work.

While the boys were building the hospital, I looked over the contracts and arrangements for the surprise 50th birthday dinner I'm throwing for WineGuy next weekend. I sat down with the menus and wine lists and threw caution to the wind. I'm going to spend a bundle on a man who never spends a dime on himself. He deserves it! I did something similarly extravagant for our 10th anniversary a few years ago: I personally chose a custom case of wine for him to enjoy. The wine store printed tasting notes on everything, and I wrote a poem to go with it. I delivered everything to the big, fancy hotel, and the presented it to him while we had dinner.

This time around I'm throwing a wine dinner for WineGuy. There will be us and five other couples. Most friends are local, but WineGuy's best friend from medical school and his wife are coming to town for a conference that weekend. I've told everyone it's a surprise and not to bring any gifts. I told WineGuy that we're going to dinner at the fancy hotel restaurant with the two visiting friends. He has no idea what's coming. I bought some cute decorations at the party store. I hope the hotel will put them up that afternoon. I've ordered two balloon bouquets with 50th birthday and Happy Birthday balloons . . . no "Over The Hill" or old fart stuff because that would offend WineGuy. I have a meeting on Monday morning with the hotel's assistant food and beverage director to finalize menu and wine selections. The last thing I need to do this week is to buy WineGuy one smashingly special bottle of wine as a present.

I'm confident the boys and I can keep this a secret for the next week. They're excited, too. I've got my party notebook all organized with dividers. Wish me luck!

Frankenmommy

2007-03-15T17:17:00.000-04:00

I am a mess. I've had nasty-looking rash on my hands for several days now. Yesterday and last night the itching was so bad, it nearly drove me crazy. I went to the dermatologist today. She said I have a classic case of dyshidrotic eczema. I have hard bumps under the skin of some fingers (tops, bottoms, and sides) and on the back of one hand. This condition can be chronic, acute or recurring. I've had episodes before, but not this bad. This is the first official diagnosis; I thought it was warts. Ew. Recurrences are caused by emotional stress, heat and humidity, and environmental factors. Let's see: stress? Check. Heat? Check. Humidity? Check. Environmental factors? They could be my soap or lotion or the dish soap or anything. The dermatologist prescribed a super-steroid, Vanos, and recommended I use special hand soap and cream by CeraVe. I'm supposed to switch dish liquid to Dove, instead of using whatever's on sale at the grocery store.

What else? I'm still coughing and dealing with bronchitis. It's been 6 weeks. I had to cancel singing in the seven chorale concerts next week. My doctor warned me I'd have another relapse if I didn't take it easy. I'm sleeping a bit better, but I still have black bags under my eyes. I've had a recurrent yeast infection that just won't clear up. Ew x2. And, I just got my period. Homerun.

Just shoot me.

Head, Meet Wall

2007-03-12T13:19:00.000-04:00

It's just another manic Monday.
Wish it was Sunday,
'cause that's my fun day
My 'I don't want to run day'.
It's just another manic Monday.

The Bangles (1985)

Today started out like most other Mondays. The kids didn't want to get out of bed in the dark. Wild Thing was up and dressed and eating breakfast in no time, for a change. Wizard got up very slowly, and Moose needed to be pried out of bed with a crowbar. I got everyone's lunches made and off to school. I killed a little time before meeting my friend, Bird, for coffee this morning. We were having a nice little chat when my phone rang. School was calling.

Wizard's Social Studies teacher was calling me (for the third or fourth week in a row) with the report of what Wizard failed to turn in on his project. Wizard claimed he wrote a 10-page rough draft over February break and turned it in right away. Nope. Loooooong story short; it's a repeat of the science project fiasco from last term. Mr. SS assigned a months-long research project in December. The kids were supposed to turn in a rough draft on March 5, 2007. Wizard lied to us about doing the project. He lied to his teacher about the work and turned in 2 pages of handwritten crap. Mr. SS called to ~~raise my blood pressure~~ "keep me informed" about what Wizard was (not) doing in class. I quickly ended my pleasant morning and drove back to school, with that "mad Mommy" line deeply furrowed between my eyebrows.

I arrived at school and marched upstairs to Wizard's Language Arts class. I told the teacher I needed to speak with Wizard. Mrs. LA said the students were doing a timed essay, and she would send Wizard down as soon as he was done. We all go into Mr. SS's classroom and discuss the project. I repeatedly asked Mr. SS for a written assignment of this project, complete with deadlines and objectives. I never got anything from him. He says he wrote everything down on the board for the students to copy. Wizard never showed us his planner and ultimately lost it. Mr. SS and Wizard and I sat discussing this assignment – and the other missing work – for nearly an hour. Wizard claims he didn't understand the assignment. Mr. SS didn't believe that. Wizard lied to me and WineGuy about the work he'd done, and he lied to Mr. SS about the project. We went around and around all hour. In the end, once I understood the assignment, I explained it clearly to Wizard, who claims to understand it now. Then I find out that Wizard is two months late in presenting a "minute-in-history" assignment and a couple days late with a text outline. Wizard's Social Studies notebook has torn pages, doodles all over, crappy handwriting, and a half-assed outline of the textbook. Early notebook entries, from the beginning of the school year, are pretty neat and done as assigned. It looks like everything fell apart in December 2006, at the semester break.

Once I got the whole picture from Mr. SS, he recommended I go see the math teacher, who is also Wizard's homeroom teacher and the head of the Intermediate School (Grades 4-5). Mr. Math and I go to his office. He pulls out his grade book and tells me Wizard is 2 or 3 assignments behind in math, that Wizard lost his math workbook, and that his grade is slipping. I am so NOT happy at this point. Mr. Math gives me a new binder and planner for Wizard, and we agree that Wizard must have his planner signed by a parent daily. I haven't had to do that since the beginning of this school year. I leave Mr. Math's office and run into Mrs. LA as she's eating lunch. I apologize for interrupting, and we chat for a few minutes. Wizard is doing very well in Language Arts class, but she must constantly crack the whip for him to do his writing work. Wizard owes Mrs. LA one or two small assignments.

Ding! I'm getting the picture here: Wizard hates to write. He loves to read, but he hates to write. He is absolutely my child. I hated writing in school, too. It always seemed like busywork, particularly when the subject did not motivate me.

Now what? Ground the kid until the end of the school year? It's a distinct possibility. To begin with, he loses his computer/TV time until he's caught up. I haven't decided whether I'll pull him out of the lacrosse league he just joined -- his first sport ever. Mr. SS proposed giving Wizard another 2 weeks to get his rough draft done. I said, "absolutely not! He'll get it done in the next few days because it's gone on long enough."

We went through lots of drama like this with Wizard last year. I thought he had learned his lesson because he started off this school year so strongly. He seems to be getting along with the kids at school. He's not causing any trouble at school. Things at home have been fine, although there was that scare with WineGuy back in November 2006. WineGuy is fine now. I've been sick with bronchitis for 5-6 weeks, but that has had little effect on the kids. Mrs. LA gave me one small insight that Wizard feels like he has too many responsibilities at home and gets blamed for too much. Oh please. He has chores, like his brothers, do. He often has to help Moose in the morning because Moose won't get his lazy bones out of bed. I am not at my wit's end, but I am fresh out of ideas how to handle this.

Incontrovertible Truths

2007-03-09T11:30:00.000-05:00

Ten inescapable facts of life:

On the day you have artfully scheduled your bimonthly haircut, color, waxing and other bodily maintenance, your child will have to stay home sick from school.
On the days you planned to hear interesting lectures about art or home decorating, your child will either be home sick from school or will have the day off of school.
The week or so before you have 7 concerts in which to sing, you will still be suffering from an interminable case of bronchitis or asthma or be coughing like you have a 2-pack a day cigarette habit (even though you never smoked a day in your life). You will run into an acquaintance who said he had the same thing . . . for three months.
The day you have tickets for the entire family to see an MLB Spring Training Game will be the same day your husband, the doctor, is on-call with 26 patients in the hospital. It will also be the same day and time your child has his second practice in a brand new sport which " I can't miss". It will also be the same day and time another child is invited to attend the birthday party of the child of one of the wealthiest families in town, whose home is directly on the beach.
The day your spouse decides to reprise chanting his Bar Mitzvah readings will be same day more than half of the synagogue's congregation will be attending a Bat Mitzvah elsewhere in town.
Despite your trying to plan for your spouse's 50th birthday months in advance, your spouse insists he does not want a party. And then, magically, less than two weeks before the big day AND in the height of tourist season, he thinks maybe he'd like to have a party . . . but not at home, or maybe at home . . . but not dinner, just wine and cheese. You call the local fancy hotel and say, "make a party for me!!" and then call a bunch of friends to come celebrate.
When your child swears to you he has turned in all his assignments for class, including drafts of the big project, you will get a(nother) friendly phone call at home from his teacher saying he has not turned in a thing.
Your children will clean their rooms after the housekeeper has been here but not before.
Your youngest child, who is a great helper in class and always picks up after himself, is rendered limp and paralyzed when asked to clean his room at home. And finally:
The moment you start to cook dinner, your mother will call just to chat.

What are the inconvenient truths in your life?

Too Much

2007-03-06T18:17:00.000-05:00

Random thoughts here since it's been several days since I last posted.

The Great Hamentaschen Project rapidly expanded on Saturday morning. The boys and I made over 7 dozen cookies: poppyseed, prune, apricot, cherry, Nutella and lingonberry. They are almost all gone 3 days later! WineGuy's fave is the poppy, so he's eaten a bunch of those; he also took some into the office. The prune and apricot came out delicious. The cherry was forgettable: Solo's cherry filling is goopy. Next year, I'll try some cherry filling with more fruit in it. The Nutella baked up into a chocolate, hazelnut wonder. They were unbelievably good. The surprise this year were the lingonberry hamentaschen. Now, I know those of you of Swedish heritage are probably scratching your heads in confusion, but these berries (in a jar) were the perfect sweet amd tart combination to make the hamentaschen sing. Oh, and apparently the kugel was the hit of the synagogue's kiddush Saturday morning.

It was a weekend packed with diverse culture. I took the boys to see "The Lion King" musical at a local auditorium. The costumes and sets were amazing. The songs were forgettable, except for the few favorites from the movie – Circle of Life, I Just Can't Wait To Be King, Hakuna Matata, Can You Feel The Love Tonight. The actors and dancers were completely engaged with the audience . . . we had aisle seats in center orchestra and were captivated by the puppets and the actors' faces. The acoustics in this auditorium suck. Truly suck. The epitome of all suckiness: if anyone at Barbara B. Mann Hall in Fort Myers ever reads this blog, here is my advice. Hire professional sound engineers to completely gut and re-do that auditorium or blow the damn thing up. The seats and décor are dated, and the acoustical engineering must have been done by a trade-school dropout. But otherwise, the performance was magical, and the boys loved it. They sat and behaved like perfect gentlemen.

Our other weekend outing was a Spring Training baseball game: Boston Red Sox v. Minnesota Twins. Red Sox tix are impossible to get at their small, broken-down home stadium, so we usually opt for whatever we can see at the Twins stadium, which is new and beautiful. I was really hoping to see Daisuke Matsuzaka pitch that day, but he was off. The skies were overcast, the day was breezy. It was America's pastime at its finest.

More later ... off to chorale.

Baking

2007-03-02T12:21:00.000-05:00

Did you see that mushroom cloud exploding over Southwest Florida this morning? It wasn't a nuclear accident. I was baking. I made (read "always make") a huge mess when I bake. Baking is not intuitive for me because it's straight-forward food chemistry. You must mix things in a certain order and make them a certain way; otherwise it's crap. I learned my lesson a long time ago NOT to improvise when baking as I do when cooking. Cooking is more forgiving. Baking is a dominatrix.

When the dust cloud of flour settled, I ended up with one sweet noodle kugel and six batches of hamentaschen dough. The kugel goes to our synagogue for its kiddush tomorrow, but the hamentaschen stay here. When WineGuy reminded the Wild Boys that Purim is this weekend, Wild Thing shouted, "HAMENTASCHEN!! Mom and I are making hamentaschen this weekend!" Wizard and Moose echoed, "Me, too! Me, too!" How could I refuse? Since they don't have the patience to wait for the dough to chill, I made it all this morning. That way, we can set up our assemblyline tomorrow morning: fill and pinch, fill and pinch. I figure we'll make about 5 dozen hamentaschen cookies by the time we're all done.

In addition to the traditional poppyseed, apricot and prune flavors, I'm going to try making almond, Nutella, cherry and lingonberry cookies this year. WineGuy's favorite is poppyseed. The boys and I like the fruit flavors. I spied the Nutella in the grocery store and figured I'd try it. We love hazelnut and chocolate; the critical factor is whether the Nutella blend will hold up in the oven or ooze out all over the place. Oh well, if I have to fail, it might as well be covered in a hazelnutty, chocolate mess!

Busy Boys

2007-03-01T16:51:00.000-05:00

It's been a busy week here in The Zone. I'm feeling a bit better, but still not 100%. WineGuy is very busy at this time of year: it's the height of tourist season here in SW Florida, and there are lots of patients to be seen. Another doc is joining his practice this week, but the new doc has not wrapped up his old practice in a timely or efficient fashion. It has placed a lot of stress on the rest of the practice. A second new doc is supposed to join the group next week, but he can't make up his mind about his work schedule – although his wife has already called about the compensation plan – and this is no help.

Last Saturday everyone was supposed to be home at The Zone. WineGuy decided to drive to Miami for the South Beach Wine Festival hosted by The Food Network. He did not buy tix in advance because he was waiting for me to get a sitter to stay with the boys. My sitter never gave me an answer, and by the time WineGuy pressured me, there were no more tickets left. He was angry and grumbling and scrambling to find a last-minute ticket online. I told him to just go for it and drive to Miami and scalp a ticket. He reluctantly took my advice. As he walked up to the registration desk, another patron walked up looking to get rid of tickets he couldn't use. O, happy day! WineGuy paid the other man cash for his ticket and spent the entire day endulging his passion for wine. He stopped drinking early enough to be sober to drive home.

In the meantime, my chorale called an extra rehearsal for Saturday afternoon. I expected WineGuy would watch the boys, but when he took off for the day, I was stuck. Although he left early, I would not call the sitter until 10:00 because she's a college student. At that hour, the boys and I were supposed to be at Wizard's first lacrosse practice. I also didn't want to call at 10:00 for someone to come at 12:00 that day ... way too last minute and inconsiderate. So, I punted: I had each boy pack a backpack full of books and toys to occupy them. After lacrosse practice we had a big lunch at California Pizza Kitchen and headed to the rehearsal hall (a big church downtown). Fortunately, the church had two choir rooms. Our chorale was in one, and the other one was empty. The boys had a huge room to play in and plenty to do. They behaved beautifully for THREE HOURS!!! My rehearsal started late and ran long, and my boys were really good. I only had to go out once to quiet them down. I was so proud of them. Wizard did a good job of keeping the other two entertained. Wild Thing did a pretty good job of controllling himself and not getting too wild. Moose got a little tired and cranky and laid down to rest for a few minutes.

Since then, however, WT has been a first-rate PITA. He's whining about his homework and being defiant. Moose cries every time I tell him to clean up something or put his things away. I caught Wizard sneaking food upstairs one day and busted him. Wizard also blew off some homework assignments this week, so he was grounded from recess and band until he completed them.

This weekend will be equally crazy: "Lion King" tickets on Saturday, Purim services Sunday morning, Spring Training tickets Sunday afternoon. I had tickets to "Riverdance" on Sunday afternoon, but I sold them to Calvin. My boys want to go the baseball game instead. And, WineGuy wants us to go out for dinner this weekend. Yeah right: try to get a restaurant reservation at the last minute during the height of season AND try to get a sitter, too.

When you see that blur rush past you, it will be me chasing my tail!

Moose is 5

2007-02-24T18:41:00.000-05:00

My baby turned 5 yesterday. We had a low-key elebration with some friends at the local zoo. He saw lots of his favorite animals, had lunch at the zoo, got to play on the playground, and heard the lion roar "Happy Birthday" to him. A few friends joined us for our day at the zoo, so Moose had a buddy and Wild Thing had 2 friends there. BTW, one of the zookeepers at the morning's show was a woman who appeared on "Survivor – Guatemala." She did a great job handling the ocelots. We spent half the day at the zoo and then went over to WT's friend's house for a short playdate. Since that family lives on the opposite side of town from us, Wizard, Moose and I just hung out there while the other boys played. Then we went over to WineGuy's office and out for Italian food. I picked up an ice cream cake from Coldstone Creamery, and we had cake and presents at home. We're planning Moose's official birthday party – you know, the one with twenty shrieking children – in a couple of weeks.

Moose now stands about 54" tall and easily weighs 55 lbs. He is a solid, muscular kid. He is naturally athletic and coordinated, much like Wizard. Moose has dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and long, black eyelashes. He has the cutest smile still full of baby teeth and a belly laugh to beat the band. Moose reads and is learning how to write letters and numbers. He speaks very intelligibly and intelligently for a 5 year-old. It's alternately annoying and amusing when you tell him something, and he says [with a big snap] "I don't think so."

He is a great companion to Wild Thing, and they can play for hours together. The boys like playing airport, army or Rescue Heroes, using all their little vehicles and men. The Moose loves his momma. We were at the park this afternoon, and he came over a few times to give me a hug or kiss. He often climbs into my lap to snuggle. He adores his older brothers and follows them like a puppy. It's now quite dark out, and Moose and WT are outside playing happily in the inky night. They would stay out there till all hours with no regard for time. I love seeing brothers like that. Moose's devotion to WT is a great boon to WT's ego.

Our next milestone is to teach Moose how to tie his shoes. He claims he knows how, but "they get knots." Uh huh.

Moose's Birth Story

We moved back to Florida in early 2001. I was in my late 30's and still getting over the trauma and fall-out of Wild Thing's birth (another long story that I'll post around his bday) and subsequent care. I had lost a bunch of weight before we moved and was slowly adjusting to life in suburbia after living in the country for 8 years. In the summer of 2001, I got pregnant with Moose. I was a little surprised. WineGuy and I were both gun-shy, so he agreed to do some advanced medical research to see if there were any new and promising treatments for the diseases that plagued my prior 2 pregnancies, pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome. (Without going into more detail now, Wizard's pregnancy was bad, but WT's pregnancy was extremely bad.) WineGuy found new therapies were available to control these diseases, so we decided to proceed.

For the most part, and because I was on serious meds – Lovenox®, a low molecular-weight heparin – for several months, the pregnancy was uneventful. Other than a little spotting when we were on vacation that fall, I felt pretty good. I had an OB here in town, and I saw the local perinatologists regularly. Moose's original due date was April 1, 2002. Since the older boys were born prematurely, I knew I would never make it to my due date with Moose. Because of my obstetric history, I was going to have a scheduled C-section birth; so things were pretty routine.

Even when things started going downhill for me, it was much like it had been in the past. Somewhere around the 24th-26th week of pregnancy, complications arose:

the pressures and flow in my uterine arteries began to worsen;
my kidney function tests were fair but not great;
my blood pressure was slightly elevated;
but I was not showing signs of advanced HELLP syndrome like I had with WT's and Wizard's pregnancies.

The perinatologist gave me an ultimatum: curtail my activities and movements immediately or he was going to put me in the hospital. What did I do? Bargained with him! I quit the chorale and rested as much as possible, but I still had to be a mother to my older children.

My condition stabilized over the next few weeks, and my friends asked to throw me a baby shower. They are not traditional for Jewish women, and I was very ambivalent, but WineGuy said to let the women do something nice for me. OK, party on! The girls scheduled the shower for Wednesday, February 20, 2002. (You might think me anal-retentive for remembering the precise date, but it turned out to be my last hurrah.) There was a lunchtime bash at an Italian restaurant with lots of cute presents. I piled the booty into my car and headed to another OB appointment.

The world turned on a dime. My blood pressure was elevated, and my kidney function was deteriorating: all hallmarks of prior disease. I had 2 ultrasounds in 2 days so they could determine how big the baby was. [Although I had an amnio, we did not know the sex of the baby; the u/s tech kept marveling at how long the baby's hair was. I kept thinking, "girl!"] The perinatologist wanted to hospitalize me indefinitely, but my OB decided to deliver me that week as long as the baby was a decent size. It certainly was: at 34 weeks' gestation, they determined the baby was about 5 lbs., 12 oz . . . waaaaay bigger than Wizard's or WT's birthweights, 4 lbs and 2.4 lbs respectively. The docs switched out my medication so they could operate later in the week, and we started the phone tree. First, we called my in-laws to come stay with Wizard and WT, while I went in for surgery. Then, we called my parents to let them know (so they could freak out). We called all our siblings and learned that Doc Bro would fly down to be with us. The shower was on a Wednesday. Saturday morning I went to the hospital to deliver that baby.

Saturday, February 23, 2002 dawned grey and overcast. Doc Bro flew in the night before, so he came to stay with the boys until my in-laws arrived. WineGuy and I drove down the street to the hospital. I hung out in L&D while they processed my paperwork. They wheeled me down to the operating room around noon, right on time. WineGuy asked the head of the anesthesia group came in to do my case that day. The OR was freezing cold, and I couldn't stop shivering while they placed the epidural. They finally got the line in, and I was numb. The nurse-anesthetist took of my glasses, so I couldn't see a thing. I listened to the surgery; WineGuy was right by my head. Some 30 minutes later I heard lots of laughter and joy, and the lusty cry of a baby boy. I was kind of foggy from the anesthesia, so I asked WineGuy to repeat once or twice what we'd had. It finally sunk in: another boy! I was so happy. I always wanted a house full of boys. G-d granted me my wish. The surgery went on for another 40 minutes or so, while the OB yanked my guts and performed a tubal ligation.

I got back to my room and felt good. I got up after a while and sat in a chair. I used the breast pump and nursed the baby. I was feeling no pain because of long-acting narcotics they pumped into me. I had a few visitors, and it was all good. When I woke up the next day, Sunday, I felt every twinge as the pain meds wore off. The pediatrician examined the baby, who weighed a whopping 6 lbs, 4 oz. and measured 19" at birth. He was my longest gestation (34 weeks), my biggest and healthiest baby of all, and the first one I ever brought home from the hospital right after birth. He was a moose! He will always be my Moose.

As with all our children, we had a long list of potential names, but it took us until the end of my hospital stay to finalize his English and Hebrew names. The OB nurses would bother me several times a day asking for the child's name. "When I know what it is, I'll tell you." The Nurse Nazis weren't going to let me out of the hospital until the child had a name. I should mention that it took us at least a week to name both Wizard and Wild Thing after they were born. They both required extended stays in the neonatal intensive care unit, so we knew we had time. We held Moose's bris here at home on the eighth day after his birth. An Orthodox Jewish mohel came over from Fort Lauderdale to perform the ceremony. Life slowly returned to normal, despite the ugly wound that took 6 months to heal.

My pregnancies were high-drama, and I'm glad they're over. I never wanted to "go for the girl" ever. I love my boys, and they love me fiercely. I am happy to be Queen of My Domain, and the mother of The Testosterone Zone.

Happy 5th Birthday, Moose! I love you.

Speak Up!

2007-02-23T01:51:00.000-05:00

You may have noticed that I have a sitemeter and a cluster map posted way down the sidebar on this blog. I find it fascinating to look at who's been reading my blog, how they found me, and how much time they spend looking at the pages.
Whether you're a frequent visitor or a newcomer, please do leave me a comment. I'd like to know how you found my blog and whether you'll be back to read another day. I keep seeing visitors from far-flung places, and my insatiable curiosity wants to know more about those folks and the rest of you.

I am feeling marginally better, although the steroids are interfering with sleep. Either they give me insomnia – like tonight – or they make my heart pound inside my chest. In either case, they are helping. The rattling in my chest is largely gone. My coughing is greatly reduced. I still get hoarse and short-of-breath in the late afternoon or in the early evening, even though I have taken my medications. The bronchitis is slowly abating, but my chest still feels tight. In all, I'm better than I was a week ago but still not 100%.

Tra-La-Cough

2007-02-21T19:51:00.000-05:00

I went to chorale rehearsal last night, intending to only listen again this week. My section, the second altos, was down to 7 people. The strongest member was absent; the other strong voices, me and Miss P, were having voice trouble, but the section needed us.

Our next concerts offer pretty complicated music. The first will be an MGM Pops concert with lots of complex harmonies from the famous movie musicals. Can you imagine "Over The Rainbow" and "Steppin' Out With My Baby" in eight-part harmony? Tough stuff, but rewarding to sting when they're right. The more important piece, to me, is Leonard Bernstein's "Chichester Psalms," which we'll perform in April. This piece is in three movements and is sung entirely in Hebrew. Yahoo and mazal tov! I've been the chorale's language consultant for this piece, and I like the role. I even had WineGuy pull out The Book of Psalms in original text, so I could give accurate pronunciations. In nearly 30 years of choral singing, this is the first time I have ever performed a major work in Hebrew. I am really looking forward to it: not only do I understand the original text, it has meaning for me, unlike all those Latin masses and requiems I've sung over the years. It's "roots" music for me and very inspiring.

I'm feeling a bit better today, although I'm still not sleeping well. I've been waking up around 3:00 a.m. and having to go sleep in the recliner because of the coughing. The meds are working pretty well, although I felt short of breath this afternoon at the park with the boys. This is going to be a long process, I'm afraid. No more 7-10 day colds and done. Blah.

Thanks for all the good wishes!

Wheeze, Cough

2007-02-19T19:36:00.000-05:00

After 44 years on this planet, I have been diagnosed with reactive airway disease and/or asthma. As I look back on my history of labored breathing episodes, I am not surprised. This past weekend really sealed it. Although I slept well Friday night, I slept poorly last night and the night before. I woke up in the middle of the night coughing so violently, I could hardly breathe. WineGuy saved me last night and sent me back into a hot, steamy shower at 3:00 a.m. so I could get some more sleep. (It was my third steam-shower of the day.)

This morning I called the pulmonologist as soon as his office opened. He fit me right into his morning schedule, so I ran down to his office with the three boys in tow. Dr. Lung took one look at me and said, "You look awful." Gee thanks, I know. He listened to my breathing and said we were done with conservative case management. He wrote me prescriptions for prednisone and a chest x-ray. He also gave me a starter dose of Advair®, which is a powdered combination of Serevent and Flovent (inhaled corticosteroids). I'm on so much cortisone, I'll probably grow testicles!

Dr. Lung gave me the results of last week's CT, too. I do not have sinusitis, but I do have a left maxillary retention cyst. It's basically a benign collection of fluid that resides in the sinus behind my left cheek. Oh, goody, more crap in my head thankyouverymuch.

We had an hour to kill before Moose's podiatry appointment, so I ran and had the chest x-ray done. I inhaled my first dose of Advair while waiting and started to feel better. We ran back over to the podiatrist to pick up Moose's new orthotics: he has flat feet and pronates slightly. Wild Thing also wears orthotics because he pronates badly. Then it was off to the shoe store, during the lunch-hour rush at the height of tourist season. Moose ended up with the same shoes WT has, so we marked Moose's. Lunch out at Tropical Smoothie Café, which wasn't bad. I stopped at the pharmacy on the way home to pick up my prednisone and then came home and collapsed. I was grateful the boys played outside all afternoon so I could nap and rest a little.

Tonight, I felt well enough to make two new recipes for dinner: Tortellini Bolognese with an Endive and Gorgonzola Salad. Check them out; they were quick and delicious.

I'm hoping for a more restful night tonight. The kids are on winter vacation from school this week [read "it's ski week"]. I'd like to do some fun things with them if I feel better.

BOGO

2007-02-16T14:59:00.000-05:00

BOGO = "Buy one, get one." [swiped from a Payless commercial]

Yesterday, I went to the pulmonologist to get a diagnosis, and hopefully some relief, from this nagging wheezing and cough. He examined me thoroughly and said I don't have pneumonia, but I might have bronchitis, or asthma, or reactive airway disease. It probably was triggered by a recent cold. Dr. Lung suspects that I might have persistent sinusitis or other sinus problems so he sent me for a limited CT scan of my sinuses that afternoon.

After stopping briefly at WineGuy's office around the corner, I headed over to my favorite radiology office. I like it so much because it's new, clean and never busy. Their other offices in town are hyena cages. I arrive a little early, so the technician takes me in a little early. For those who have never had a CT, it wasn't at all scary. I laid down, prone, on the scanning table, with my chin propped on a little shelf. I stuffed my hands under my thighs so I wouldn't move and closed my eyes. The tech adjusted the table electronically and slid me forward so my head was inside a huge doughnut-shaped machine. It was completely open and not noisy, unlike an MRI. The scan lasted about 5 minutes, and the whole thing was over.

As I was walking past the check-out desk, I mentioned to the receptionist that the radiology center just notified me to have my annual mammogram. She said, "Want to do it now?" "Sure!" To get this thing done, without a scheduled appointment, in the middle of tourist season? You bet! I waited just a few minutes more for the mammo tech. She did my scan last year and was very professional. Off I went to change my shirt and straight into the mammography room. This radiology center now uses digital mammography, and the scans are unbelivably clear. One breast, the other breast, both breasts together for a midline view and done. There is one clear advantage to having large, floppy breasts: they are easily manipulated and smooshed onto the glass plates for a mammography. I got dressed again and was out of that office 45 minutes after I walked in.

Now, I just wait for the results. I'm very curious to know what Dr. Lung will find in the sinuses. I would not be surprised at all to learn I have sinus problems because I am forever congested or having sinus headaches.

And in other medical news, when Dr. Lung's nurse took my blood pressure, it was high. That's why I went over to WineGuy's office: for his nurse to take it again. It came down somewhat, but it was still high. I'll have to take it again here at home with WineGuy's automatic BP machine. Looks like it's time for me to go in and have a physical.

What I Love About You

2007-02-14T14:38:00.000-05:00

It seems like many of my friends and blogmates are having rough times right now. I want to pull myself out of the pity-party and spread a little love around this Valentine's Day 2007.

WineGuy: I love you because you're brilliant and funny and worldly and wise. I love you because you are patient and kind, even when I am a stark, raving succubus on a broom. I love you for watching my stupid TV shows with me. I love you for your fierce loyalty and dedication to your family and craft.

Wizard: I love you because you are the most amazingly bright boy I have ever met. I love you because you are an old soul in a new body. I love you for sharing my passion in reading, especially Harry Potter, and for burying yourself in a book and shutting out the world, just like me. I love you because you're helpful when I ask, and even when I don't sometimes. I love you for being a wonderful big brother to Wild Thing and Moose.

Wild Thing: I love you for your indomitable spirit. You give meaning and life to the word "fighter". I love your dimpled smile and luscious lashes. I love you your silly sense of humor and your enthusiasm for life. I love your perseverance and courage to tackle things that don't come easily to you. I love you for your ability and willingness to play for hours with Moose, even though it means the upstairs will be trashed beyond recognition. I love your musical ability and for sharing my love of music and singing.

Moose: I love you because you're my baby boy, even though you'll be as big as me in no time. I love you because you learn things so fast: reading, writing, riding a bike. I love you for your musicality at such a young age. I love your tenderness and gentle streak, despite your "tough guy" image. I love your baby-toothed smile and your rosy, chubby cheeks. I love you for your willingness to learn; your mind is like a sponge.

August Moms: I love you all for your collected wisdom. I love you all for your humor and for keeping me grounded through these child-rearing years. I love you for running my life and for allowing me to run yours. I love you for the tremendous support system you have been to me in my life and to all the rest who have needed you and still do. I love you for your diverse opinions; even though we may disagree, I still listen to you. If I listed you individually, I would certainly overlook someone and offend them, which I dare not do.

BFF: I love you more than a sister because we chose each other as friends. I love you for being smarter than me and always knowing the right thing to say. I love you for standing by me in the darkest hours of my life. I love you for making time for me despite your busy life. I love you for your friendship that carries me through my life.

Calvin: I love you, too, for your wisdom and candor. I love you for all the free legal advice and for allowing me to give you some, too, even though it's probably malpractice! I love you for your spontaneity and willingness to run out for a bagel or off to the movies at a moment's notice. I love you for raising such wonderful boys who are friends to my boys.

The California Girls/Twins: I love you for being and remaining my friends for forty – 40! – years. I love you for staying in touch and still caring about me and my family.

Spy: I love you for your steadfast friendship for thirty years. I love your stability and your candor and your dry, wry wit. I love you for your love and understanding of the wide world. I love you for keeping me tethered to the insider's DC, the one only we natives understand.

My Blog Readers: I love you for showing up regularly to read the trivial nonsense in my life. I can't believe you find this blather interesting, but Christina reminds me that my quotidian drama may be fascinating to someone else.

Happy Valentine's Day 2007 to you all!

Blue Monday

2007-02-12T13:27:00.000-05:00

It's grey and rainy here in SW Florida today. "Ain't no sunshine" as Bill Withers sang, and it's kind of depressing. At least I don't live in Oswego, New York.

In health news, I seem to have developed pneumonia. I had it a year ago, and the same symptoms are back. It's a mild case, but I'm still coughing a lot; my voice is hoarse; my head is splitting -- maybe sinuses. I've got black (Coach®) bags under my eyes from sleeping poorly. Oh, and my period came back after being on hiatus for 2 months. Crap! I sincerely hoped I was done with all that mess. I would have a hysterectomy tomorrow if DH would agree: I am so sick of the monthly mood swings, weight gains, and gastric distress. OTOH, he warns me I could feel depressed for many months afterwards. Well, hell, isn't that what Zoloft is for???

In family news, my father had surgery last week to reverse his colostomy. He did well enough in the hospital to go home three days later. Unfortunately, he gained 16 pounds while in the hospital. He thought it was from not moving his bowels, but it is more likely congestive heart failure. When I last heard from him, he was deciding between calling his cardiologist and going to the emergency room. What fun.

In other family news, my in-laws were here for the weekend. We had a good time with them. They didn't once ask about my dad, although I volunteered information a couple of times. They lauded the praises of their children and how close WineGuy used to be with his siblings, who apparently call each other all the time. I grew tired of hearing how great WineGuy used to be (implying that his losing contact was b/c of me) and finally said "I guess it's my fault." I left it at that. I should mention that my in-laws and my parents absolutely, positively hate each other. There was little fondness when they first met; the relationship went up in flames over our wedding and shower planning. It used to be a tremendous source of stress for us; now we endeavor to keep them apart. It means that I end up spending every holiday with WineGuy's family. We haven't shared a holiday with my family in years, and it depresses me. Especially at Passover, when we sing lots of songs: my family and I used to sing and harmonize and enjoy the traditional melodies. Now, I have to listen to a bunch of tone-deaf people drone on in the "key of me". It is positively painful. [end whining]

Wild Thing caught a cold and is home from school today. We used our time to prepare the boys' Valentines' treats. I dare say that our Valentines will once again blow everyone else's away. For Wizard and Wild Thing, I ordered small batches of custom-printed M&Ms in Valentine colors. Then we bought many bags of Valentines M&Ms at Target. We found miniature Chinese take-out boxes at the craft store – red for Wizard's class and purples for WT's class. WT and I filled 3/4 of each box with the Valentines M&Ms and topped each box with the custom-printed M&Ms. We sealed each box with a sticker I made that said "Valentine's Day 2006, From [Wizard or Wild Thing]" and had the Chinese character for friend. That's right, I wrote 2006 and missed it. WT noticed the error immediately! When I went to re-print the stickers, my printer ran out of ink; we're off to Sam's Club in a minute to buy more.

For Moose, I custom-designed his own wrappers for Hershey® bars. I used a template I found last year in Family Fun magazine and customized it for Moose. He's so excited to share them with his friends.

My Valentines are better than yours ... neener, neener, neener. [smirk]

Off Kilter

2007-02-08T11:59:00.000-05:00

Do you ever have one of those weeks where you're slightly off-kilter? I am having one of those.

On Tuesday afternoon, I was putting something away in the refrigerator, while yelling at Wild Thing – a bad combination, I know. I stood up and turned around and the refrigerator door smacked me right in the face. I have a lovely purple bruise on that cheek and just the slightest shiner under that eye.

Yesterday, after I dropped the boys at school, I stopped at Starbucks for a latte before a 9:30 appointment. There were no comfy chairs in the shop, so I went and sat in my car. And promptly fell asleep. Until 9:25. Fortunately, I was just a few minutes away from my destination, but I was still late. I stopped at a furniture store on the way home from my meeting. I got out of the car and closed the door and went to step on the sidewalk. I thought the slab was even with the pavement, but it wasn't. I caught my toe on the step, tripped forward and caught myself but my momentum was too strong and I fell flat on my face. Time moved in slow motion as I went down: I let go of my keys and threw my hands out. I lifted my chin up so I wouldn't smash my teeth. I knocked myself silly. I stood up and made sure I wasn't bleeding. Then I looked around to see if anyone witnessed my fall, but thankfully there wasn't a soul around. I put myself back together and took a deep breath, grateful that my ribs weren't broken. I'm lucky I didn't break my wrist(s) either. I looked around the furniture store quickly and raced home. I was so exhausted I crawled under the covers until I came back to myself.

What's more, I blew my voice out and have developed a chest cold. My chest is tight, and I'm coughing like dog in a kennel. What on earth has happened to me?

In other news, it is Grandparents' Day at the kids' school tomorrow. We told my parents and my in-laws about it months ago. My in-laws are arriving this afternoon. We're looking forward to seeing them, but I hope I feel better. My parents, on the other hand, will not be here. Why? Because my father scheduled elective surgery for himself this week; he absolutely insisted he had to have it done now and could not wait another week. Grrr. He had his colostomy reversed. The surgery went well, but he was in a lot of pain yesterday afternoon. Fortunately My Brother, The Doctor came down to be with my mom. Thank you, DocBro, because I can't take time off during WineGuy's busy season.

I need chicken soup.

Money Coup

2007-02-06T13:41:00.000-05:00

Like everyone else in Florida, we found ourselves much poorer for doubled insurance costs and increased taxes this year. Our mortgagee required us to pay insurance and taxes through them in order to get the loan initially. We were never thrilled with this system, but it enabled us to get an amazingly low rate (5%) on a 15-year fixed, non-conforming, jumbo loan when we refinanced four years ago. The current mortgage statement came in with astronomical numbers. The monthly payment increased almost 24%, and the lender wanted a lump-sum payment of several thousand dollars to bring the escrow account current for the lender's projected needs. WineGuy asked me to call the lender for them to stop paying our taxes and insurance.

Shortly after lunch, I called Countrywide's toll-free number. After navigating the automated system, I got through to a Customer No-Service Representative who kindly transferred me to someone in the Escrow Department. I enjoyed a Muzak® serenade and then spoke with Escrow Lady. I explained the situation to her: I want to bring my escrow balance to zero and then delete it. I spent 15 minutes on the phone with this astrophysicist reiterating my every request but not understanding them. When I finally impressed upon her my willingness to settle the account immediately so as not to incur any more charges, she then said it might be possible to delete the escrow account. She could not divulge to me any of the super-duper, secret criteria the lender uses for escrow-deletion. She had to consult her manager for that, so I asked to speak directly with that person.

After another short Muzak serenade (and two cell phone calls), Escrow Manager picked up the phone. She finally understood my request and took charge. She agreed to zero the escrow account today, instead of on March 1st; that saved us $4,000.00. She took my payment information over the phone and charged me a small fee of $20.00 for that privilege. She canceled the escrow account as of today and was writing me a confirmation letter as we spoke. As of March 1st, our mortgage payment will be about 35% lower than projected. Escrow Manager will notify the local taxing authority to send the tax bill directly to us; I'll call the insurance company and let them know we'll pay our own bill henceforth. Woohoo!

I called WineGuy right away and asked him what he would say if our mortgage payment was 35% lower than expected. He replied, "Who did you kill?" I told him the proper response was "You're fabulous! I love you!" (complete with exclamation points) He followed instructions. He was thrilled with the result and much happier.

In other financial news, we signed the contracts to send Wizard and his brothers back to the private school, and I turned them in this morning. WineGuy and I discussed it last night and agreed that the boys should stay at this school. To ease the financial burden, we are going to pay in monthly installments instead of our usual lump-sum payment. It will cost us slightly more that way, but we'll be able to manage our cash-flow better. I told this to the school's director of admissions and financial aid this morning. She mentioned that we could switch from installments to lump-sum at any time. That is very fair.

With money matters under control for the day, I can now go back to my least favorite chore, laundry. I do love my big Whirlpool washer and dryer. I just wish my children would bring their baskets regularly and not make mountains of wash.

Monday Morning Quarterback

2007-02-05T01:07:00.000-05:00

The family watched the Super Bowl last night. We had a good time cheering for the teams. Wizard cheered loudly for the Colts, but I did not. Truthfully, the Colts played a superior game in clearly inferior weather conditions. Both head coaches were impressive for their gentlemanly leadership of their teams.

I, however, would not, could not root for the Colts. Why? Because they were the Baltimore Colts until their owner swept them out of the city in the dark of night. Robert Irsay, a Hungarian Jew who denied his roots – don't get me started – originally owned the Los Angeles Rams football franchise. In 1972, he traded franchises with Carroll Rosenbloom, who then owned the Colts. Irsay's Colts played in old Memorial Stadium in Baltimore for many years. The Colts negotiated for months with the City of Baltimore and the State of Maryland for improvements to Memorial Stadium. They could not reach an agreement, but the city and state were willing to seize the franchise and its assets by eminent domain in order to keep it in Baltimore. Meanwhile, Irsay had secretly been speaking with the City of Indianapolis to move the team there. When negotiations finally broke down and Irsay feared the seizure of his precious team assets, he finalized a deal with Indianapolis. Irsay called his crony at Mayflower Transit and had Mayflower pack and move the entire Colts operation in the middle of a cold March night in 1984. Baltimoreans watched in horror as the stream of red taillights fled Charm City for good. No good Marylander, as I was bred, would ever root for the traitors.

I should add here that my extended family and I were never really Baltimore Colts fans, but with good reason. We were/are dedicated Washington Redskins' fans. My family had season tickets back in the early 1970s, in the Sonny Jurgensen and Billy Kilmer years. We knew the conductor of the Redskins band. But most of all, my mother's brother was the in-stadium announcer for the Washington Redskins for nearly 40 years. Uncle P never missed a home game, although he cut many family functions short to be at the stadium on time. When Dan Snyder bought the Redskins and moved them from RFK (in DC) to FedEx Field (in Landover, Maryland of all places), he forced my uncle into retirement, but not before the Redskins inducted Uncle P into its Hall of Fame. He is the first the first non-player/coach/owner to be honored by the team in its Hall of Fame. We will always root for the Redskins, although not so much for Dan Snyder.

A clarification: while I called myself a Marylander here, I identify myself as a native Washingtonian (DC). I was actually born in the District of Columbia and grew up in the nearby suburbs. My mother grew up in Upper Northwest and lived in the DC area for 67 years, until she and my dad retired to Florida. My mother's parents had a store in downtown Washington from the 1930s to the 1950s, when they moved out to Chevy Chase, Maryland. We lived right outside the District and never really identified with Baltimore, except for when it came to baseball, and much later on, to football. Oh, and of course, to Ledo's Pizza, but that's a post for another day.

So, congratulations to the Colts on their Super Bowl victory. I don't like your owner, but I applaud the team and its coaching staff.

Exploring the Exurbs

2007-02-02T08:57:00.000-05:00

The other day I drove down to a local orange grove to purchase another bushel of Honeybell tangelos. Going to this grove is an adventure: a few miles down the interstate, a few miles down a major county road, down a paved local road for a mile, and then another half-mile down an unpaved secondary road to the grove. I made my purchases and loaded bags of wonderful fruit and fresh juice into my car.

As I pulled out of the parking lot, the unknown road beckoned me east. Even though I've been to this grove many times, I was curious where the road led east of the grove. I am always curious to find out where roads lead -- I learn so much of an area that way. I drove 0.5 mile east and came upon a sign for a state forest, which I knew was around here but not quite sure where. I found the western entrance to the forest and proceeded to drive in along that unpaved road. In my minivan . . . some urban warrior I am, I don't even have an SUV!

The day was overcast, breezy and warmer than usual. For the first few hundred yards I had the air conditioning on, trying to avoid the dust in the road. After a while I rolled down my window to listen to the birdsong. I don't know whose call it was, but a few lovely avian friends flew by: a little blue heron, a great blue heron, and others whose names I don't know. The birdsong faded away, and all that was left was the sounds of the wind in the trees. I reveled in the wind's dialogue with the forest and the sheer stillness of the afternoon. It was tranquil and quiet, things I have lacked in my life for some time.

I finally came to a crossing in the road, beyond which the eastbound road was nearly impassable. I had been driving in my solitude for a long time and was not brave enough to venture north or south at the crossroads. So, I turned the car around and headed back westward. A great white heron flew over my head and landed in a bush a few yards from my car. As I drove closer, he got a little spooked and flew into a nearby tree. I stopped. We stared at each other for a long time, until he flew off deeper into the forest. I felt a little more peaceful. With the car pointed ever westward, I headed back towards paved roads, civilization, and home.

School Stresses, Part 2

2007-01-30T12:24:00.000-05:00

After some wrangling with his teachers, I pulled Wizard out of school this morning and took him to our home elementary school for gifted testing. We arrived early and met Mrs. E, the Program Specialist in charge of Exceptional Student Education (ESE). [In Florida, gifted programs fall under the same umbrella as learning disabilities programs. This doesn't make much sense to me, but that's the way it is.] She was a very nice woman, who had an easy rapport with Wizard. He used his best manners and introduced himself to her. They went off for about 30 minutes for her to administer the Kaufmann Brief Intelligence Test 2 (KBIT). KBIT describes itself as "A brief, individually administered measure of verbal and nonverbal cognitive ability." Apparently, this test is designed to identify anyone from a gifted to a special needs student. To my mind, it appeared primitive, a quick way for an educator to glean a shred of a child's intelligence. The test accomplished just that: Wizard scored very high on the verbal portion and only a few points lower on the non-verbal portion.

Wizard's composite score was close to the threshhold level for further gifted testing, so Mrs. E recommended we pursue further gifted testing for Wizard. One of her comments to me was, "He has quite a vocabulary, doesn't he." Uh, yeah . . . he reads and understands college-level texts. But, I digress. After Wizard finished the test, Mrs. E invited me back into her office to discuss the process.

First, I signed a preliminary consent form authorizing the school to do the KBIT testing, based on Wizard's instructional needs. I also filled out a registration form for the school district so they could issue an identification number for Wizard.
Second, Mrs. E needs to forward Wizard's scores and registration information to the school's data entry operator, who was not available at the time, for her to prepare a full consent for the full battery of gifted testing.
The school psychologist then has ninety (90) school days within which to perform the complete evaluation. She will use either WISC (Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children) or RIAS (Reynolds Intellectual Assessment Scales).
During this time, the public school will ask for Wizard's teacher to complete a Gifted Characteristic Checklist. When I mentioned to Mrs. E that Wizard has several teachers, she looked stunned. I explained that the private school transitions its students in 4th Grade to individual teachers in subject-specific classes. I suspect we'll ask the Language Arts teacher to draft the checklist and consult with the other teachers for their input.
Once the school psychologist has all the scores in hand, she will then review the results with me and WineGuy. After that, the entire team – school psych., parents, ESE coordinator – will meet to decide Wizard's eligibility.

Mrs. E's comment was "we should have this done [for Wizard] by the end of the school year." Just shoot me. The private school contracts were mailed home last week. They are due in February, and I won't know until April or May sometime whether Wizard qualifies for the public school gifted program. Wizard's class in the private school is filled to capacity. There is a huge wait-pool for kids desiring admission to his class. If we pull him out now, we have no idea if there will be space for him in the private middle school. If we sign the private school contract and later decide to pull him out, we could be on the hook for the entire tuition anyway. We did that once before, when Wizard and Wild Thing were in the local country day school; I do not want to do that again.

More than that, in my heart of hearts I know Wizard belongs in the private school. It challenges him academically. The teachers strive to connect with him on his level, and they keep tabs on him. As such, he has matured and become far more responsible than his peers. I am really proud of him. Moving him into the large and wild public middle school, even into its gifted program, would be immersing an already hormonal pre-teen into an environment for which he is not ready. He could handle it, but it would inhibit him. Wizard has reached the point where he loves school, loves his teachers, loves learning, and desires to do well for himself. His study skills are greatly improved, as is his self-discipline. I do not see how public middle school can foster that growth. Maybe I'm prejudiced; maybe I'm blind.

In the end, he does not want to leave the private school. He will do what we ask because he is a good boy. I do not want to ask this of him. I want him to revel in his intelligence and enjoy his achievements. I want him to be emotionally and socially stable. He will have all of this if we stay connected to him and he stays connected to his community.

So, I ask my friends who are educators, psychologists, and more experienced than I: what do you think? What would you do if you were in my shoes? How do I convince WineGuy that Wizard needs to stay where he is for three more years? Thank you for reading yet another missive.

Free Dinner!

2007-01-28T14:42:00.000-05:00

Yes, there is such a thing as a free dinner. Last night, we drove over to the new Panera bread store that (allegedly) opened last week. As we walked in, a manager explained that, between 5:00 and 7:00 that evening, every patron (over age 10) would receive 15 Panera dollars to spend at the restaurant, no strings attached! They were conducting employee training and wanted to expose the new hires to rush hour. We received $60.00 for the five of us, more than enough money to buy dinner and lots of dessert.

I had the Portobello Mushroom Panini with a bowl of Broccoli Cheddar Soup. The soup came out hot and cheesy with lots of good broccoli flavor. The boys insisted I share it with them, which I did. The panini was also hot and brimming with cheese; I would have liked more mushrooms in there. My soup came with a baguette on the side, and my sandwich came with an apple. WineGuy ordered roast beef and horseradish on a baguette. The beef was rare, and the dressing was tangy. I saw WineGuy add mayo to his sandwich, so it may have been a bit dry. Wizard ordered the Asian Sesame Chicken Salad, which he loved: leafy, dark greens tossed with a rice wine and sesame vinaigrette and some marinated chicken.

Wild Thing and Moose each had a kid's roast beef sandwich on whole grain white bread. The kids' meals came with a choice of chocolate milk, white milk, or juice. Here I must commend the management team. The description of that whole-grain bread led me to believe there might be seeds on or in it. The manager pulled out the bread book, which lists all the ingredients and potential allergens in each bread product, and reviewed it for me. She also let me look it over to be sure. I really appreciated Panera's taking the time to double-check an allergy issue, even at the height of the dinner hour. With that service and the continual, roving attention of servers and assistant managers, Panera has made me a customer. The food was worlds better than the crappy Calistoga bakery down the street.

Oh, and they have desserts there, too. Wild Thing had a delicious oatmeal cookie filled with raisins. Moose had a decadent chocolate brownie. Wizard had a scrumptious raspberry brownie. WineGuy and I shared a Cobblestone (muffin?) that was a dead-ringer for the rum-buns we treasured at Bish Thompson's restaurant of long-ago DC. I am so going back for a coffee and a Cobblestone next week! We also brought home a strawberry pastry, a coffeecake, a loaf of three-cheese bread, and a loaf of raisin bread to try. All free, of course. The strawberry pastry was forgettable, although the berries were fresh. The coffeecake was pretty good, although it was closer to a danish ring because of the fruit filling. The boys had raisin bread with peanut butter for breakfast today. It smelled and looked yummy. The boys and I had turkey sandwiches on the cheese bread for lunch today: Wizard and I liked it; Moose and WT did not.

Two thumbs up preliminarily for Panera Bread.

Afterwards, we went shopping at the new Wild Oats store in the same shopping center. It was jam-packed on a Saturday night. We ran into a few people we knew. The produce was magnificent: fresh and gorgeous and only slightly more expensive than Publix. The fish department smelled briny and clean, not a hint of fishiness. The fillets were moist and glistening; the whole fish had clear, glassy eyes. The prepared foods looked okay, as did the baked goods. We'll have to sample some at a later time. I'm looking forward trying the goodies on the olive bar, too.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night! ... in the suburbs wasn't too bad after all.

Photo Friday

2007-01-26T16:22:00.000-05:00

Like Old Blue Socks, I didn't have much to say today, so I also went trolling for a meme. I came upon Photo Friday, whose meme challenge was "brother." I can do that. Here are some brother pictures from our house.

Million Dollar Brothers:
Wild Thing, Wizard and Moose with $1,000,000.00 cash
at the Bureau of Printing and Engraving, Washington, DC (Summer 2005).

Splish, splash!
Moose and Wild Thing, Spring 2006:

Brothers, in the City of Brotherly Love (Summer 2006):

Wild Thing and Moose with My Brother, The Doctor – DB2 of 3, (Summer 2006):

Lastly, a photo of DB1 hugging DB2 at the Western Wall in Jerusalem, Israel,
right before the wedding of DB1's eldest daughter (August 2006). I love this shot.

"The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother. "

--Rufus Wainwright