Year-End Reflections

What I've found and what I've lost this year.

Found Things:

1. Blogging: Can I write? Yes. Am I funny? Occasionally. Am I the talented writer my parents think I am. Probably not, but I do always have opinions on things. At the very least, blogging has allowed me to express my opinions and frustrations without being castigated for them. A "thank-you" goes to The Family Blender for inspiration to write on a daily basis. Her voice is confident and funny. I'd like to be more like her when I grow up.
   
2. Maturity: Wizard is growing up to be a fine young man. He took an etiquette and dancing class this fall, and he shined like a star. He had wonderful manners, great dance rhythm, and handsome grooming. He is brilliant, creative and funny. I am proud of him, and I should tell him so more often.
3. Youth: Countering Wizard's maturity are Wild Thing's and Moose's boundless, youthful exuberance. WT often goes running through the house whooping and yelling like any normal boy. It often annoys me, but it's a joyous force to be reckoned with. Moose ran into my room this morning and flung himself into my arms for a hug. Not just a 2-second squeeze but a 5-minute cuddlefest that could have gone on and on. He won't put up with that forever, but how sweet it is now.
4. Love: My husband is the best thing that ever happened to me. We are a great team in marriage and life. I respect him more than anyone, and I love him for his intelligence, his humor, and his strong moral code. My boys are my greatest achievement. They are wild and destructive, but they are fiercely loyal and loving. All my men are my knights in shining armor.
   
5. Friendship: I am reminded what good friends I have.
   

• When I had to rush to my father's side this year, WineGuy's nurse stepped right in and helped out with the boys. Her job is to work in the doctor's office, not for his wife or kids. I know that, and I am grateful for her kindness. She was fiercely protective of WineGuy when he returned to work after his illness; she still is, and she keeps tabs on him for me!
  
• You read about my good friend, Calvin, who came and watched my boys without a second thought. She's always available for a morning bagel or a last-minute movie, and I love that about her.
• I haven't spoken much about my BFF (best friend forever). I need to think of a good pseudonym for her. Our friendship is much like that of Barbara Hershey and Bette Midler in "Beaches". She is Barbara: brilliant, insightful, serene, even-tempered. I am Bette: loud, brash, outspoken, volatile. She is the "wind beneath my wings," yet she says the song reminds her of me. She keeps me grounded. She keeps me sane. She counsels me and raises me up. I do the same for her, and I always will. We met in law school 20 years ago.
  
• Spy. He has been my friend for over 30 years. I met him in 7th grade Spanish class and had a crush on him for a couple of years. He knew it and wisely avoided it! We have remained steadfast friends over the decades. He is a man of great knowledge and few words. We share a love of travel, politics, and DC humor. Some day I'd like to compete on "The Amazing Race" with him. Between us, we've traveled most of the world, and we speak a few of its languages. We'd have a great adventure.
• Twins. The longest friendship I can proudly claim goes back over 40 years. LM and LK and I met when we were 4. They lived across the street from me from Kindergarten through high school. They moved back to California when I went off to college, but they always stayed in touch. We may not speak often, but we keep abreast of each other's lives. It's amazing to witness the longevity of this friendship. When I'm old and gray, I'd like to retire to their neck of the world, Sonoma County.

Lost Things:

1. Invincibility: WineGuy and I were mistaken to think that we would always be healthy and here for our children. His illness shook me to the core of my being. I had a vision of a world in which he no longer existed, and it was frightening. It was enough to spark him into changing his life. I need to find my own motivation now.
2. TimO: The loss of my friend's husband was devastating. His death not only rent a whole in his family but represents a loss of innocence in my own.
3. Youth: Wizard is growing up so fast. At age 10, he looks like he's 12 and speaks like he's 16. Most of the time, he strikes me as mature, particularly when compared to his cousin, NephewB, who is 7 months younger than he. But, see Found Things #2.
4. Consistency: I am organized, yet I procrastinate. I want things done, yet I don't complete tasks in a timely fashion. These are the paradoxes of my life. Maybe I'm ready to confront them. Committing to blog daily in NaBloPoMo showed me the inner discipline I have and should use consistently. Committing to continue that process in Holidailies led me to burnout and disappointment in myself when I failed to do so. I like following the quotidian details of my blog-friends' lives. Maybe they like the same of me and are equally disappointed when I don't write regularly.
5. Motivation: A few times in my life, I lost a significant amount of weight. Whether I did it myself or as part of some program, I was diligent for a while. I never kept any of that weight off for any length of time. The last success was a little over a year ago, spurred on by Connecticut Mom. I blew it when stressed out over Wizard's extended illness and school problems last year. I need to find that muse who says "eat right," and "exercise" and enjoy it all the same.