- On the day you have artfully scheduled your bimonthly haircut, color, waxing and other bodily maintenance, your child will have to stay home sick from school.
- On the days you planned to hear interesting lectures about art or home decorating, your child will either be home sick from school or will have the day off of school.
- The week or so before you have 7 concerts in which to sing, you will still be suffering from an interminable case of bronchitis or asthma or be coughing like you have a 2-pack a day cigarette habit (even though you never smoked a day in your life). You will run into an acquaintance who said he had the same thing . . . for three months.
- The day you have tickets for the entire family to see an MLB Spring Training Game will be the same day your husband, the doctor, is on-call with 26 patients in the hospital. It will also be the same day and time your child has his second practice in a brand new sport which " I can't miss". It will also be the same day and time another child is invited to attend the birthday party of the child of one of the wealthiest families in town, whose home is directly on the beach.
- The day your spouse decides to reprise chanting his Bar Mitzvah readings will be same day more than half of the synagogue's congregation will be attending a Bat Mitzvah elsewhere in town.
- Despite your trying to plan for your spouse's 50th birthday months in advance, your spouse insists he does not want a party. And then, magically, less than two weeks before the big day AND in the height of tourist season, he thinks maybe he'd like to have a party . . . but not at home, or maybe at home . . . but not dinner, just wine and cheese. You call the local fancy hotel and say, "make a party for me!!" and then call a bunch of friends to come celebrate.
- When your child swears to you he has turned in all his assignments for class, including drafts of the big project, you will get a(nother) friendly phone call at home from his teacher saying he has not turned in a thing.
- Your children will clean their rooms after the housekeeper has been here but not before.
- Your youngest child, who is a great helper in class and always picks up after himself, is rendered limp and paralyzed when asked to clean his room at home. And finally:
- The moment you start to cook dinner, your mother will call just to chat.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Ten inescapable facts of life: