Disrespect

Note to self: do not leave blogging until the end of the evening. Write during daylight hours.

Not a great day today. I attended a charity luncheon as someone's guest. She couldn't make it b/c her new baby was hospitalized with a fever. I met some other friends there. All the women were skinny bitches in size 0 designer clothing. Although I was dressed, made-up and jeweled well, I felt like a hippo. Someone even mistook me for some fat, snotty realtor who always wears a hat. [Hats in the garden was the theme of the luncheon.] Lovely.

After the luncheon I rushed home to change clothes and write a thank-you note to the (absent) hostess. I picked the boys up at school and problems with Wizard the whole way home. He was being nasty and disrespectful. Wild Thing followed suit. Moose fell asleep on the way home. Once home, Wizard continued to be a problem, so I told him to sit outside until he could act nicely. He tried to jam the garage door as it closed. The little (big) snot.

I finally got WT and Moose started on their homework. This required my full, divided attention. Yes, "divided attention" b/c I had to direct Moose in handwriting practice and keep reminding WT to do his work. Wizard kept interrupting us asking me to use the computer to type up an assignment. I made him wait. I finally got to him well into the time I should have been making dinner, so he was petulant.

Dinner was the next problem. I expected to reheat some chicken and pasta I made last night. There was tons left over when I left for chorale rehearsal. I look in the container and see approx. one serving. Someone ate nearly the whole G-d damn thing. It had to be WineGuy, who wasn't supposed to be eating b/c he's on another one of his crazy-ass diets. Don't even get me started on that. It's an entirely different post. So, someone was going to get leftover baked chicken and a little pasta and someone else was getting grilled cheese and tomato soup. I gave WT the choice since he worked so hard on his schoolwork today: grilled cheese and soup. I heated up the leftovers first and served them to Wizard, who promptly turned his nose at the food. He was still fuming and having a silent tantrum -- think Edvard Munch's "The Scream" -- as I served WT and Moose their dinner. Wizard then launched himself into a full-blown passive-aggressive fit: not eating, mumbling, crying, huffing and puffing.

"Get out." I said. "You don't want to eat good food that I made? Then get the hell out of this house." He refused until I got in his face and sent him out the front door. He comes back in a few minutes later and apologizes. Liar. Still tantrumming. WineGuy is sitting reading the newspaper, while I'm trying to corral 3 kids to eat dinner and try to eat something myself. I turned to WineGuy and said, "Help me out now!" He finally gets up to deal with Wizard. In the meantime, WT and Moose finished their dinner, had some fruit and some Halloween candy. They went upstairs, brushed their teeth and changed into pajamas so they could watch "America's Funniest Home Videos". Good boys. I stayed away from the kitchen thinking WineGuy was talking with Wizard and clearing things up.

We watch the videos in my room while WineGuy is still reading the papers and watching election coverage on TV. Wizard comes in and sincerely apologizes. I send WT and Moose to say good-night to their dad and go to bed. Wizard now wants to talk to me. He says I've been ignoring him and playing favorites with his younger brothers. He doesn't like it. I set him straight, reminding him how he sucked the life out of me and every other member of this family for months on end earlier this year with his not doing schoolwork and lying about it and everything else to everyone. I told him that WT needs a lot of help with his homework right now, and that's a priority. Moose also needs lots of guidance with his work, too. Wizard should work independently. I think he got the point. He then asked to finish typing his assignment on the computer, and I consented.

20 minutes later, I shoo Wizard upstairs to bed. [Notice the spouse's complete lack of assistance in bedtime tasks? A whole other issue.] Then I hear WT banging something in his room. Loudly. The whole ceiling is shaking. WineGuy asks, "What's he doing?" I reply, "I don't know." I'm thinking, "Get off your butt and go upstairs to find out." That doesn't happen. Wizard comes back downstairs and complains that his brothers are bouncing around and not in bed. WineGuy finally gets up and hollers for WT to get downstairs. WT takes his sweet time, further enfuriating us. He finally shows up. We give him an instruction to do something, and he refuses. Instruction again; refuses again. This happens once more.

Let me tell you something: we expect absolute obedience from our children. Saying no is not an option. WineGuy now tells WT to go outside until he's ready to calm down and go to bed. WT refuses. WineGuy drags him out on to the lanai. WT is screaming bloody murder. I haul him back inside, ready to lose it. WineGuy then screams at WT, who finally listens. WineGuy then orders Wizard downstairs and bellows at Wizard, who deserved it. Wizard got the message loud and clear. I hope WT did, too. Now, there is no TV or computer for them for one week. I told Wizard there will be no computer for school assignments either. He'll have to tell his teachers he does not have access to a computer at home.

I'm convinced most of this behavior is a repetition or reflection of what they hear at school: rich kids acting entitled to the world and not respecting anyone or anything. Whatever our faults are, WineGuy and I are respectful to each other, even though we disagree on some things.

Disrespect is a dish best served not at all.