Blue

Not color. Mood. Feeling very depressed today. Not sure why, although I suspect it's hormones. No one ever tells women that hormonal surges and mood swings worsen significantly after age 40. I'm sure it's heightened by some muggy, dreary, cloudy, drizzly weather around here.

This morning I attended a brunch for the mothers of Pre-K children at our school. The house was on the bay, beautifully decorated; the interiors looked professionally done. Everything was immaculate. It made my house look like a slum, with its damaged walls, peeling paint, and non-existent landscaping. All the moms there were slim and beautiful, well-dressed, made-up. I had an OK time chatting with the women, most of whom I knew. When I left, I thought, "I used to be beautiful, but I'm not anymore. I used to care about dressing well and wearing make-up, but I don't anymore. I used to be young and vibrant, but now I'm a hag."

Why do I feel and act like a hag?